Beautiful Tragedy
by adamarie19
Summary: It's been A year since Christian "Died" In the Charlie Tango accident. Ana's life has completely changed since that night. But when she discovers that Christian is still alive, how does she ever choose between the man who has been absent for the past year, and a man that she fell in love with while he was away?
1. Chapter 1

_**Oh, I swear that my inspiration comes at the very worse time. I just started a new book, and as I was writing a scene for it this story just came from me. I thought about just letting it go, and letting it pass but as I tried doing that It just sat on my mind even more. Now, this is the first type of Sad Christian-Ana Story that I've ever done. So I do hope you enjoy. Please feel free to review. **_

"Baby? Are you okay?" Cole Anderson, her boyfriend of four months asked Ana she stared out into the window. It had been a year today that Christian had died. She remembered it just like yesterday, the pain was still fresh as ever. Sure she loved Cole, but Christian, well he had been the love of her life. The man she never let go, how did she live today and not let the emotions get the best of her?

"I'm fine, Cole. I have things I have to do today, Okay? I don't want you to worry. Can you understand if I bail?" Ana asked him, tightening her robe around her

"Should I be worried? " Cole asked her, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist

"Not at all."

"Then tell me what's going on." Cole demanded with pleading eyes. The last thing Ana wanted to do was tell him the truth. Cold didn't even know about Christian. Sure he knew she had a complicated relationship before him, but he didn't know that the man she loved had died and left her.

"I have to go see the Grey's today. It's been a year since their son died, and they kind of need all the support they can get."

"I'll come with you." Cole suggested, the last thing he wanted to do was part with Ana.

"This is something I want to do alone, I'll be home in time for dinner that I promise you. "

"Good, I'll miss you, baby." Cole told her, burying his face into her neck, as he began to trail kisses down it.

"I'll miss you too. " She said pushing him away, as much as she cared and love for Cole, having sex, or being intimate with a man on today of all days, felt as if it was a betrayal to Christian. Sure he was never coming back, but he was still in her heart in every way. She remembered the day the police told her that they were stopping the search, that there was no possible way that he could find his way back. They'd located Ros, not far from the crashed plane, but Christian was never anywhere to be found, not even his body. At first Ana hated that Ros was alive and Christian had been the one to die, she never even got a chance to answer his proposal. She wondered if maybe they'd be married if Christian was still alive, would they be happy? Would they still be at Escala? Would they possibly have a child of their own? She thought about all the possibilities of what life with Christian Grey would be like had he lived. It did no good though, it only ended up leaving her with a face full of tears.

"I'm going to go shower, I'll see you later." She said to Cole, before he could realize that she'd been crying.

Ana knelt at the grave that Grace and Carrick had put in a few weeks after they had been told Christian wasn't coming home. She reached over to touch it, and before she knew it she was blubbering like a baby.

"I miss you so much. I have no idea where the time has gone, Christian, you were my entire world and in one moment you were just gone. I never even got the chance to tell you how much I loved you, or that I wanted to be your wife, I never even got the chance to say goodbye. It hurts so much. When we read your will and I had found out that you left everything to me, in that moment I knew that I would always carry this regret of not saying yes to you before life could take you away from me. It was easy to fall in love with you, and I carry love every single day. When I met Cole, there was something there, and I do love him, but Christian I always wake up wishing I was wrapped in your arms, being kissed me you, feeling touch, making love to you. It hurts so much to open my eyes to find Cole instead of you. Why did you have to leave me, why did that plane crash have to take you away? "

"He loved you, dear. I hope that you know that." Grace's voice came from behind. Ever since the accident Ana had made sure not to abandon the family she found with the Grey's. They'd told her from day one, that although Christian was no longer with them, that she was still very much a part of their family. It had been Grace who encouraged her to go out with Cole in the first time

"I loved him too. Grace, so much that I don't know how to move on. What I have with Cole, it's great and I love him, but Christian, he still holds the biggest part of my heart. How do I move on from that?" She asked out loud. The question wasn't really pointed towards Grace, it had just been something that Ana wondered from time to time.

"You keep inside of that huge heart of ours Ana. Christian loved you, and he would have wanted you to be happy. He gave you everything he owned, remember? He wanted you to be set for life if anything had ever happened to him. Cole's a good man, and he'll never be Christian, but he does love you. "

"I just wish that I could have had more time." Ana confessed, feeling guilty for thinking this way when she had an amazing man at home. What kind of woman constantly compared her loving boyfriend to someone she once loved.

"So do I, but even though he's not here with us physically, he'll always be in our hearts. I have something for you Ana. I don't know where what it is, but Christian's lawyer brought it by this morning. I got give it to him, he was always prepared for the worst. He directed him to give it to you if anything had ever happened to him, but he wanted it to be a year after the fact." Grace said, digging into her purse a pulling out an envelope "I'm going to go over there, and wait. I'll give you time to read it."

_**My dearest Anastasia, **_

_**If you're reading this letter, it means I'm gone. And while I hope you never have to receive this letter, if you ever do I want you to know just how much I loved you in the time I known you. The day you fell into my office, changed my entire life and not a day went by that I didn't want to be closer to you. You made me into a better man, one that I'll always be proud of. One that my parents had been proud of. And that's all I ever wanted, to be a man that my mom could love. You are my hero, baby. You saved me from myself, and a life with you was one that I always wanted. And even though we won't have that together, I don't want you to not have that with someone else. I once told you the thought of anyone else having is like a knife twisting in my dark soul, but I want you to have happiness if I shall ever not be around. And if you happen to find someone new, that's okay. I want you to love him the way you loved me. Give him that beautiful heart of yours that I was blessed to hold the key to for such a short time. Don't give up on love because I'm not here with you. But if I may ask one favor, don't forget me. Don't forget all the memories we had together, it's something I'll always cherish with you. I love you so much and if you're reading this just know that I'll always be a part of you. Forever. **_

_**I love you.**_

_**Christian. **_

As she dropped the letter to the ground, she ended up in a ball on the ground as her tears came flowing, God how she missed him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**So this morning I woke up to lots of reviews and lots of followers after only ONE chapter. That's never happened to me on a story before. I feel so happy that you guys love this story. Thank you guys so much for all your reviews it means a lot. I was iffy about writing it because of Ana being with someone else, but I'm glad you guys did like it. Thank you, Thank you Thank you SO MUCH. I love you all. Please do enjoy. **_

"Before he died, he asked me to marry him." Ana told grace as they knelt at Christian's grave. The rest of the family had told them they'd be there soon, but the time alone was good for them, giving them a chance to catch up.

"Oh, Ana, I'm so sorry. What did you say?"

"I told him that I had to think about it. We going to see Flynn, but I already had my answer, it was in the jacket of his pocket. Something I wanted to give him for his birthday. I never got the chance though." Anna breathed, wiping the falling dear that ran down her face away

"You would have been a beautiful bride, Ana. And Christian would have been a handsome groom. I know that this is hard for you, Ana. It's hard for all of us. We lost our son, Elliott and Mia lost their brother. You though, you lost the person you wanted to spend eternity with. It'll get easier with time. You'll never be completely over the fact that Christian is dead, and you'll love him for the rest of your life. With that being said though, in time each day that passes, the pain with hurt just a little bit less"

"What if doesn't Grace? With Cole, well he's amazing and I do indeed love him, or at least I think I do. And I always end up feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world when I wake up each day expect grey eyes to meet with mine. How is that right, or even fair to him?"

"Ana, it's normal to still expect Christian, he was the love of your life, and Cole, if he knew the truth, I'm sure he'd understand. Give it time. Soon enough, you're going to wake up knowing exactly who the man in front of you is. And I'm sure in the back of your mind, Christian will always be there, but now we have to let him go and you have to move forward. It's not healthy to stay in the past, and Christian wouldn't want that for you."

"How do I gather enough courage and strength to move from this grave and go home to face Cole? He's been staying over more and more. And he knows something's wrong but I don't have the strength to tell him."

"Maybe it's time Ana, maybe you need to go home, and tell Cole everything, doesn't he deserve to know that you're still mourning a man that you loved? "

"I just don't want him to think it makes me love him any less."

"He won't Ana, but you better than anyone knows that every relationship has to start out with honesty and it doesn't seem like you're being very honest with Cole."

"I know, I just don't know how. And that envelope you gave me contained a letter. A letter I wish I never had to read. "Ana said, holding it in her hands

"What was in it?" Grace questioned her curiously

"He wants me to be happy. He was always prepared, it was letter for if anything ever happened to me. He told me that even though the thought of me with someone else is a knife in his heart, he wants me to live a fully, happy life now that he's gone. "

"That sounds like him."

"I don't know how to live without him. I haven't really been living Grace, I've only been surviving. I can't let him go, and it's been a whole year? What does that say about me?" Ana questioned

"It says that you were in love. It says that as much as you want to move on with your life, you loved him. You loved him so completely with every ounce of love you have inside of you. And something like that only comes around once in a lifetime. And although you'll never love Cole the way that you loved Christian, you can build a life with him, you just have to want it bad enough." Grace encouraged Ana. She'd watched her in past year fall apart, she watched her isolate herself from the world, throw herself in work. She was still an editor at SIP, but Christian had left his company to her, and although Ros was now in charge, Ana did make the final decisions. She knew nothing about business, but she couldn't let it go. Christian built it on his own, and she couldn't hand it over to some stranger. Ana through herself into work, so Grace took it into her own hands to introduce her to someone. And Cole, well he was a doctor at the hospital, and she encouraged Ana to give him a chance, it took weeks to convince her, but eventually she went with it.

"I should get going, Cole is waiting for me, Can you tell everyone I said hello and that I miss them. Tell Kate I'll call her later to check on her and baby Grey." Ana said. Kate and Elliot had gotten married four months after Christian's death. They said, they'd realized just how short life was and they didn't want to waste one minute of happiness in this life. Ana had been an emotional wreck when she heard the news. She was extremely happy for her, but there was a very tiny part of her that told herself it should have been her and Christian getting married, not Kate and Elliott.

"How about, we all swing by your apartment after we leave here? It would be nice to see you Ana. I feel like we don't see you enough."

"I'd love that, Grace. You have no idea how much I've missed you all. And I know it's my own fault, but keeping busy makes me feel closer to him. "Ana told her in honesty, Christian had always worked hard when he'd been alive, and this was her way of connecting with him.

"Go tell Cole the truth." Grace encouraged her, pulling her into a hug and then releasing her so she could leave. But Ana never went home.

She couldn't face Cole, not yet so she found herself wandering around the city of Seattle. She later found herself in Escala dressed in one of Christian's old T-shirts that she loved so much. She could still smell him. God did she miss that smell, she missed everything she had with him. As she lay on the bed that they'd shared, the bed where she gave him her virginity, she began to sob into a picture of her and Christian from her graduation. How did this happen? How did every dream they'd ever planned just vanish in the blink of an eye? How did she recover from that? How do you let go of something that you need so much? It felt near impossible. She didn't want to face it, she didn't want a life without him, and she just wanted to forget. And forgetting is exactly what she had in mind.

Walking to the kitchen and searching in the cupboards and Ana found bourbon in a cabinet and in that moment, she let it all go as she poured her sorrows into that bottle. She was never much of a drinker, but didn't she deserve to let it all go for a while? Didn't she deserve to be free of the pain even if she'd regret it when she woke in the morning? As she heard the door open, she almost jumped out of her skin, but when she looked to the man stood in front of her, she froze. It had been three months since she'd seen Jason Taylor.

"Ana? What are you doing here?"

"Christian left me Escala, remember?" Ana joked, downing another shot of bourbon. Taylor smiled as he made his way to Ana and pulled her into a hug

"How are you doing?'

"If I told you I was fine, would you believe me?"

"Not in the slightest bit." Taylor told her as they both sat at the breakfast bar

"I miss him so much. I've been trying to figure out how I'm supposed to let him go completely when I can't stand the thought of a life without him." Ana admitted

"You know, I've been wondering the same thing. He was more than just my boss, he was my friend, my best friend and the truth is I have absolutely no idea how to move on from that. After Gail and I got married, it started to get better, but the void was always there. And today it just hit me like the first time I heard he was gone. "

"I know that feeling. I'm seeing someone, and he's great but every day that I wake up, it always breaks my heart when he's there, and not Christian." Ana admitted. She'd always liked Taylor, but ever since Christian's death, they'd become closer

"It'll be okay Ana. He'd want you to be happy. And you're going to get there, it's just going to take a lot of time."

"How's Sophie? " Ana asked, wanting to avoid any more Christian talk. She'd leave the Christian conversation to when she could cry herself to sleep in his bed.

"She's great. Such a happy kid. I love that girl." Taylor told her, compassion in his eyes

"That's great."

Ana and Taylor sat and talked for hours about all the memories they shared in Escala, but it wasn't until he left that Ana felt the sting of loneliness and when she became intoxicating, she found her phone and dialed an all too familiar number.

"Grey. Leave a message." The voice mail said

"Christiannnnn. " She slurred "I miss you. I want you to come back to me, please come back to me. I need you, I can't live this life without you, I don't want to. I don't want you to just be in my heart, I want you to be here with me. I need you. I'm learning how to live without you, but it's so fucking hard. I can't do this, I'm not strong enough. God, Christian I love you so much. And I think it's time that I start to accept that you're really gone. But I want you to know that I'll always love you. If I could bring you back, I would do it in a heartbeat. I want you back but I can't live this way anymore. I can't keep doing this because I'll never be happy if I keep hoping that somehow, some way you'll come back. Goodbye Christian." Ana said through tears the hung up the phone. Leaving the apartment was the hardest thing she ever did. This was her first day to a life without Christian Grey.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N**: **_So I just got home from a CRAPPY eight hour shift and the fact that when I opened GMAIL and was confronted with 81 emails of new story followers makes my heart melt. You guys are the best. I can't ever tell you how much it means to me to have such great supporters. I was very iffy about starting this story, as you all know because the truth is whenever Ana or Christian is with someone else in a story you get a lot of hate. And this isn't a cheating story, I don't believe in cheating, especially with FSOG so I'd never write about it. I don't know what else to say other than thank you. I could say that a million times to each and every one of you, because that's how much your support means to me. I didn't think this story was even that great and yet, you all love it. That means more to me than you'll ever know. This is probably the longest authors note I've ever written you're probably now annoyed with my speech here. I just wanted you guys to know that I'm very grateful for the fact that you don't only read and review, but that you love my story .Thank you SO much. Emotional speech over now, happy readings!_

"Where have you been?" Kate interrogated Ana as she stepped through her apartment door the next day and through her keys on the counter. The whole Grey family was there and she released a breath of relief when she remembered that Cole had to work.

"I was at Escala, I had to take care of a few things over there." Ana explained with sadness to her voice. How did you tell the family of the man you once loved that you were finally letting their son go?

Kate said nothing, she just pulled her best friend into her arms, her baby bump touching Ana's stomach as she did so.

"I'm fine, Kate. I'm really sorry that I kept you all waiting. How did you even get in here?" Ana asked, Cole had been at absent since she left the previous morning and she hadn't given them a key.

"Well, I did use to live here, Ana" Kate told her amused. It was the apartment she and Ana got when they'd first moved to Seattle, Ana had moved back in when Christian died. It didn't feel like home though, there were still memories that she had here with Christian. Memories that she couldn't rid herself of. She remembered when she and Christian had gotten back together, he'd made her that playlist, given her the car, blackberry, and even an Ipad back. They'd had some vanilla ice cream that next night. She remembered everything she shared with Christian all too well. How was she supposed to forget when everything she saw was just a reminder of the man with the Grey eyes, whom she loved so much?

"Sorry, I forgot you still had your key. " Ana told her as she went to sit down on the couch next to Grace, who gently placed a hand on Ana's as a gesture of kindness

"So, Ana, what have you been doing with yourself? It's been a while since we were blessed with your presence. "Carrick spoke up, his blue eyes, both compassionate and sad

"I've been working a lot. And well. And I've been seeing… Cole. "Ana said, debating on whether or not to say the last part. She didn't want any of the Grey's to hate her because she'd moved on so soon after Christian's passing. She had started seeing Cole only after eight months of Christian's death, most people would have thought that was too soon. At first they just started up a friendship, but eventually it became more, and last week was just the first time they had said I love you to each other.

"Cole seems like a good man, I hope he's treating you well, "Carrick told her with a smile. She'd always liked Carrick, he was one of the most amazing men she'd ever known, and she was glad to know him. In fact she was grateful that she met most of the Grey's. She'd had so many great things that came out of meeting Christian, but meeting his family was the greatest one of all.

"He is. " Ana told him vaguely "So, where's Mia?"

"She wasn't feeling up to company today. As you know, she and Christian were the closest. She wanted to be alone, well with the exception of Ethan, who wouldn't let her go alone. "Grace cut in to answer her question before anyone else.

"I'm sorry, Grace. I can't imagine how this has been on any of you." Ana said with sympathy. Sure she'd lost the man she loved, but Grace and Carrick lost their son. They'd nourished and cared for him from the moment they'd found him and adopted him. They had been Christian's parents in every way. A parent should never have to outlive their children. Mia, and Elliot, they lost their brother. They were all close, how could they possibly move on from this. The only difference is they didn't vow to move on. They were going to mourn for Christian forever as where Ana, was trying to take the next step.

"Hey, you lost him too." Grace told her with a look of concern.

"I know." Ana said as a tear fell from her eyes. She excused herself to use the bathroom, but rather than going to the bathroom she turned to her bedroom. She went to her dresser, where she opened a drawer and pulled out a framed picture of her and Christian

"I vowed to let you go last night, I did. It was my intention. "Ana said as she sat on her queen sized bed and touched his smiling face. Christian this is so hard, how do you let go of the person that you love more than anything else in the world, how do you do that? Because if I'm being honest with myself I don't know if I have that kind of strength. I can't, how do I, what do I do? God, we weren't a perfect couple, we fought and sometimes I felt you were too protective, but if it meant that I could have you back I would accept your over protectiveness and your need for control in a heartbeat. "

"You okay?" Kate's voice came in the room

Ana shook her head. She was far from okay. Kate didn't need to hear another word before she was rushing to Ana's side and throwing her arms around her to comfort her. "Shh. It's okay, Ana."

"Not it's not. He's gone and he's not coming back. I know that we've known that, but there was never a body, I thought somehow, and some way that he could come back to me, but he's not coming back is he?"

"I'm afraid not, Ana, but I promise you that it's going to get easier." Kate tried to soothe her, but it wasn't working. The fact was Christian was gone, and her heart would be forever broken.

"How do I move on Kate? How do I give my entire heart to Cole when Christian consumed so much of me? I love him so completely, even to this day, but Kate I can't have him. Why did God take him from me? Why? What did I do to deserve this? "

"You didn't do anything, Ana. I don't know why God does the things he does, but they all happen for a reason. Everything that happens in this life has a cause. And whether its good or bad, it happens. You have two choices, you can either let it define you and destroy you completely, or you can learn a lesson from it and regain your strength. You're so strong Ana. Had the roles been different, and it was Elliot who would have died, I'm not sure I could have gathered the strength to get out of bed, let alone move on with someone new."

"Truth, one of the main reasons I agreed to be with Cole was because I was lonely, I never expected it to go anywhere, I guess you could say that I was using him." Ana said in a truth that no one else knew " It became something more though, but it'll never be what I had with Christian and that's what hurts the most. I'll never have that again. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Did you know that he asked me to marry him?"

Kate gasped and covered her mouth "When?"

"It was before the crash, I told him that I had to think about it, and I never got the chance to tell him that my answer all along was yes."

"Oh, Ana, you poor thing. " Kate almost yelled, as Ana laid her head on Kate's lap and she let it all out, she began to stop and rather than say a word about how it would get better, Kate held her best friend in her arms and let her cry. She knew it was exactly what Ana needed.

"It hurts so much, I can't contain my feelings anymore. God, I love Cole, but I love Christian more. He was my lifeline and my very reason for living and breathing. I can't, no I don't want to live in a world where he isn't here. Please tell me what to do Kate, how do I get better? What do I do with all I need to say?"

"I have an idea." Kate said as she moved Ana from her lap and pulled out her ipod.

Ana stared at her in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Ana You have so much grief built inside you and you need to let it out. Now my idea isn't going to stop loving Christian, and It isn't going to help you through your pain, but it can ease your mind and help you move forward. Here "Kate said putting a notebook and pen in front of her. " Write him a letter. "

"A letter?" Ana asked, what good was a letter going to do when she couldn't send it to him?

"I know it sounds stupid, but Ana write him a letter, get your feelings out there and then let it rest. It's the only way you're going to truly move on."

"I guess it couldn't hurt." Ana said with honestly. Maybe it would help her finally be able to let go of Christian.

Putting headphones in her ear, Kate left Ana alone to write the letter after choosing the perfect song for the situation.

_I stumbled across your picture today  
I could barely breath  
The moment stopped me cold,  
Grabbed me like a thief.  
I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there  
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair  
I just wanted to hear your voice,  
I just needed to hear your voice._

What do I do with all I need to say  
So much I wanna tell you everyday  
Oh it breaks my heart,  
I cry these tears in the dark  
I write these letters to you,  
But they get lost in the blue,  
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Now I'm drivin'  
Through the pitch black dark  
I'm screaming at the sky  
Oh cause it hurts so bad  
Everybody tells me  
Oh all I need is time  
Then the mornin' rolls in  
And it hits me again  
And that ain't nothin' but a lie.

What do I do with all I need to say  
So much I wanna tell you everday  
Oh it breaks my heart,  
I cry these tears in the dark  
I write these letters to you,  
But they get lost in the blue,  
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Without you here with me,  
I don't know what to do.  
I'd give anything  
Just to talk to you  
Oh it breaks my heart,  
Oh it breaks my heart,  
All I can do  
Is write these letters to you,  
But there's no address in the stars.

Song: Address in the stars by Caitlin and Will


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for all your reviews. Oh you Guys are so amazing. I'm so beyond happy with how much you guys love this. I feel like each time I check my Gmail, I get more and more followers and that means so much to me. I can't believe I already have 128, and it's only been 2 Days. Usually I don't get that many until I'm at least three weeks into a story. Thank you so much. Your guy's rock! I can't tell you how grateful I am, but I sure do hope you know I am. Now I've been getting A LOT of reviews, comments on my Facebook page, and lots of private messages begging for Christian to come back. And while I know how it feels to want something to so badly in a story that you're reading, you guys just have to be patient. I promise that I'm not going to drag it out or anything, who knows, Christian might just make an appearance sooner than you expect. Now I think I've taken up enough of your time, Please enjoy. _

"Ana, are you okay?" Cole asked, coming into her bedroom. His hazel eyes full of worry as his blonde hair fell to his face.

"I'm fine." Ana lied, wiping her tears and carefully hiding the picture she had been clenching under her pillow. She'd been in her bedroom since Kate encouraged her to write that letter and when the Grey's left, she'd found herself wrapped in Christian

"You're not fine, what's going on?"

"I haven't been honest with you, I've been lying to you for the past four months, since we met. " Ana finally admitted, she was tired of hiding it, she didn't want Christian to be her dirty little secret, he deserved more than that

"Should I be worried?"

"I told you that the man I was with before you, vanished from my life. And while that was true, it wasn't the way you thought. He didn't break my heart."

"I'm confused, you said trying to get over him was the hardest thing you've ever done. " Cole mentioned, taking the seat on the bed next to her

"And it was. He didn't leave me, Cole, he died."

Cole sat in silence as his eyes went wide. How could he fall in love with Anna so fast, and not know this? He knew there was some part of her that was holding back, but he'd thought it was his own paranoia "Ana, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, I was scared. But it was more than that, I just wanted to be around someone that didn't remind me of him, I wanted to forget that I lost him, the pain was so real that I just bear it." Ana started, tears falling harder

"You could have told me, I wouldn't have pushed you to go out. Ana, it's obvious that you're not even dealing with this, don't get me wrong, I love you but it seems to me that you're still very much in love with this guy. It doesn't seem like you're anywhere near ready to be with someone else "Cole observed, his tone sad. Just as he thought everything was perfect, it wasn't.

"I didn't know how, I mean how do you even bring that up. Hey, I really like you and all you, you look really nice oh and by the way I'm currently trying deal with fact that the man I loved died, but yeah we can still go out." Ana said sarcastically as she wiped yet another tear from her cheek

"Ana, I wish you would have told me, it's obvious how much you loved him. And I didn't know him but I can imagined that he loved you just as much."

"Christian did love me. He as a part of me, hell he still is. He consumed me. I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone, and the truth is, he's the love of my life and it hurts to know he's never coming back. I'll never see those grey eyes again." Ana mumbled through her tears. She always loved waking up to be met with Grey eyes. How was she ever going to get over him if she never truly allowed herself to let him go? She kept telling herself that she was letting go, but in her, she just couldn't. She wanted to, but there was just this small part of her that was afraid of what would have if she did. It was accepting that he was really gone and she would live the rest of her life without the man she truly loved

"Christian? You mean as in Christian Grey?" Cole asked as he finaly put the last pieces of the puzzle together. It explained so much .Why she had all that money, why she had an apartment she didn't live in, why she was so close with the Grey's.

"Yes. "

"Oh my God. Ana that was the man you were involved with? That's so huge. Cole beamed with excitement. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound happy when you're going through this. Ana, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, and I hate to bring this up, but I need to know."

Ana didn't say anything as she knew where this conversation was leading. What was she supposed to tell Cole? She did love him, but how could she possibly stay with him knowing that she couldn't give him her entire heart until she figured her Christian situation out. Cole was kind, warm, loving, he was a true gentleman. He wasn't like Christian in any way, and that was one of the things that drew her to him, she wanted to forget but even being with a man, who wouldn't hurt a fly, someone who didn't look anything like him didn't stop her from wishing. She couldn't count the many times that she'd made love to Cole, wishing it was Christian. There were just too many, and it always made her feeling horrible about herself in the end.

"Where do we go from here? Where does this leave you and I?" Cole questioned, but as Ana went to speak he placed a finger over her lips. "Hear me out first okay?"

Ana nodded, not sure if Cole was about to confess his love and all the reasons they should be together or tell her it was best for them to go their separate ways.

"I love you, and no matter what's happened, I still want to be with you. And I'm hoping you want the same thing. I know I'll never be him and more than that, I know that it's him you really want. I know that he was taken from you before you had a chance to start a life with him, and I'm deeply sorry for that. I just, I don't want you to give up on us yet. If space is what you need, that I can' give you but don't give up on us. " He spoke honestly. Ana had been through a lot, and if he could take away her pain, he would do it without blinking or thinking twice. He loved her though and that made him selfish, he didn't care if she didn't love him as much as she'd love Christian, he still wanted her.

"Cole, "Ana started taking his hand "I care about you a lot. And in another life you would be my prince charming. I do love you, but I can't be with you. It's not right. For either of us. You deserve someone who can look past today and know her future is with you. If I'm being honest here, Cole, I'm not over his death, and until I am I can't be with anyone. It's not fair, not in any way. "

"God, I love you so much. I'm not quite sure I can walk away, Ana." Cole said just a tears finally began to form in his eyes

"I love you too, if it's meant to be though Cole, it will be. Hold on to that."

"Can I wait for you?" He asked her surprising her. Why in the world would he even want to? Shouldn't he move on to someone who can give him everything he needs?

"You don't have to do that." Ana breathed, as he brought his face close enough so their noses were touching

"I want to. I want you forever, and I don't want anyone else to have you. And if waiting for you is the only way I'll get that, I will gladly do it. "Cole muttered in her year

"I'm sorry Cole, I'm so sorry that I couldn't give you what I thought I could."

"Baby don't be sorry, I'm going to wait for you to get your stuff together and when you do, promise me that you'll call."

"I promise. " Ana said and not a moment later, Cole was sweetly planting a soft kiss on her lips "I'm sorry, I really am. The last thing that I ever wanted to do was hurt you,

"This isn't goodbye. This is just goodbye for now. "Cole told her, and gave her one last kiss and fled the scene, leaving Ana to feel like the most horrible person in the world. Here she was, having the most amazing guy in the world, but she couldn't let go of the man that was never coming to be happy with him. What was wrong with her?

It was a cold and chilly night as Ana sat at Christian's grave. It had been a week since her break up with Cole. She thought she'd loved him, but if that was true why hadn't she felt any sadness of being without him. She could live without Cole that much she knew, it was Christian that she couldn't seem to live without. Taking another sip of the bottle whiskey that she'd bought, she began to cry harder than she ever had before.

"It's not fair. " She spoke to his grave, setting the bottle on the ground. "You weren't supposed to die, you weren't supposed to leave me. You're always one step ahead, Christian, why didn't you know there was something wrong with the plane? I hate this, and the worst part of it all is I have no one to blame, they don't even know who caused the crash. God, I miss you. More than anything. They say that within time, you start to heal, but I'm still waiting. I'm not getting better, this isn't any easier. I thought by now I'd be able to find a little bit of happiness, in fact I thought I had with Cole, but I haven't. I think part of me knew that deep down that Cole and I could never work, but I just didn't want to be alone. I have this void inside of me that I can't seem to fill, the truth is you're the only one who can fill that. Christian, I wish you would come back to me. I remember when you first time, I visited your parents' house every Sunday. Your mom, well she told me all these stories about you when you were growing up, you were stubborn even back then. I started wondering what it might be like, if we ever had a child of our own, but the truth is its useless. I'm dwelling on the what ifs and I have to stop that because you're never coming back to me. And it hurts. It hurts so much. I think back all the time on everything I've lost and it always puts me in a mood. How can this be true, how can you really be gone. It's only been a year but I feel like you've been gone from my life for so long. How does that happen? It's like you're just gone, I'm losing my sense of reason, and I have nowhere to turn. Everything is a reminder of you. I'm a train wreck. I can't hate the pain though, because the pain is a reminder that you were real, it reminds me that I had a love that only comes once in a lifetime and I wouldn't change it, even if I could. "Ana told the cold grave as she shifted into a laying position and curled up in a ball on the cold, hard ground. She couldn't pretend to be okay anymore, she'd done that for that past year, and it got her nowhere. She pulled out her phone, needing to hear his voice again, she had a saved message that he'd left for her a week before he died. They had a fight, she couldn't remember what it was about, but she couldn't bring herself to delete the message.

"Ana, I'm guessing you're avoiding my calls now, and I can't really blame you. We both said a lot of things that I wish we could go back and erase. I hate fighting with you, it's the last thing I ever want to do with you. And trust me, there's plenty I'd like to do with you. It wasn't that long ago when I was nothing but a cold hearted man. You changed me, Ana, you made me a better person, and a better man. I am who I am now because of you. I'll always be grateful for the love and happiness you brought to my life. You're an amazing woman, and I want to spend the rest of my life, making it up to you, showing you just how much I love and cherish you. A life without you, isn't something I want to live. I remember those five days when we broke up, something inside of me died, I couldn't function, I think that was when I first realized I loved you. I'm sure I loved you the moment you fell into my office, but it wasn't until the breakup that I realized what it was. I never thought I was capable of love, I mean, I was ruthless, I wanted to beat women who looked like my mother so I could find some sense of control, why would someone like me ever be able to feel love? You taught me better though, Ana, you taught me that anyone who was capable of giving out love, was also capable of giving love and being saved. And that's what you did for me, baby, you saved me. You saved me and all my fifty shades. I love you so much and I just want you to come home, please don't continue to be angry with me, I'm sorry, I'll do anything you want, just please come back to me. I need you. I love you Ana, you're my forever." Christian's voice came through her ear and she couldn't stop her sobs from coming through. She played the message over and over

"I hate that you left me here alone, she whispered back into the phone. You said you'd never leave me. Why did you have to go?" Ana questioned him, knowing that she'd never receive an answer "I don't want to live without you, I'd rather just die."

She lay in that spot for hours, Ana began to feel like her life didn't matter anymore. What was the point of living without the one who made you whole? What was the point? Nothing mattered if she didn't have Christian. No one was ever going to compare to him, she was always going to find something wrong with every man she gave a chance to, but he was never going to be good enough, because he wasn't Christian Grey.

"God, I wish I could just hate you, this would be so much easier. Why can't I hate you for leaving me?" Ana asked but she already knew the answer. The plane crash wasn't his fault, and more than that he was the love of her life, she never could stay mad at him for long. Even when he was alive. "I've been thinking a lot about you proposing to me, and I regret that I never got to tell you my answer. Christian, it was always yes. There was never anything to think about, I always had the intention of telling you that I wanted to be your wife, but now it's too late." Ana said, feeling the emotions of it all coming to surface as she slipped into darkness.

She didn't wake until she felt arms around her. But when she looked up at the person staring back at her, she knew it was nothing but a dream. A dream where she was met with her favorite pair of Grey eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Okay, So I'm still in shock. I've gotten so many reviews and new followers plus all these private messages. You guys rock. I could hug all of you because I'm just so beyond words right now. I think I could actually cry with all the love a support you've given me with this story. I know I say this every time and I'm sorry if you get tired of hearing it, but I feel like I owe you guys so much gratitude. I got the idea for this story while writing a scene for one of my original books so the fact that you guys actually enjoy it means a lot. I try to answer every single one of your reviews and so far I have succeeded. I feel like I owe all of you a response. Thank you so much. A lot of you keep telling me that this brings tears to your eyes and I honestly wish I could tell you I'm sorry for that, but if I'm being honest, I'm not. Haha. Well anyway I've taken up enough time for this little author's note so enjoy. _

Ana wasn't sure if it had been a dream or if she was really in the arms of Christian Grey. He stared down at her as he walked her to a black SUV. Setting her in the back seat of the car, she began to realize what was happening. Her eyes went wide and she began to back away.

"Hi baby." He said with a smile

"You're…. No. You're dead." Ana said through her new tears that were beginning to run down her checks. There was no way that this was happening, Christian was dead. He was! There was no denying that she'd lived the last year in the pain and darkness as a result of his death

"But I'm not, I'm right here." He told her but as he went to reach for her, she hesitated

"Ana?" Christian questioned, he looked the same as he was before he died. The only difference was that he had a little scar above his eyebrow, she assumed that it was from the crash, maybe he'd hit his head. But then this was just a dream, right?

"You're not really here, I'm just drunk. Yeah. That's what it is." Ana said with a slurred voice. She'd had her heart ripped out of her chest, she wasn't going to let her hallucinations do it again.

"I'm here, I'm really here don't shut me out. Don't be afraid." Christian encouraged, finally able to grab her hand. Ana felt the electricity as she closed her eyes. There had always been that connection between her and Christian, something she'd never have with Cole, or anyone else for that matter.

"It's really you?" Ana asked him as his Grey eyes pierced into her sad blue ones. She had so much hurt, all over her face, evidence of old tears had been on her face. She'd lost weight and that rubbed Christian the wrong way. He could see the changes in her as he stared at her, how could she let herself get this way? How could she not take care of herself?

"It's me, I promised you I'd never leave, I'm a man of my word, Miss Steele. "

Ana laughed at the irony of his sentence. If he was such a man of his word why did it take all this time for him to come back to her? "Where have you been?"

"The details aren't important right now, I'll explain everything just not in this moment. You're drunk, why the hell are you out here at this time of night alone? In a God damn cemetery at that. Fuck, Ana did I teach you nothing about all the dangers that are in this world?" Christian chided then gently picked her up and put her in the front seat so they could go home.

Ana laughed, that was the Christian she knew and loved. Maybe this was real after maybe just maybe, this wasn't a figment of her imagination from her being drunk. She looked over at him as he buckled his seatbelt and began to drive. Something just didn't feel right. How could be possibly be here, after a year of letting everyone think he was dead? She felt a tear slide down her cheek, as she turned away from him and rested a cheek on the window

"Are you crying?" Christian questioned. Sure, she was trying to hide it, but by now she should finally know that Christian knew her better than anyone and she just couldn't hide things from him, he'd always find out.

"I'm just overwhelmed. I've missed you so much, and you're here. But I'm not sure if it's real. How could it be real, the Christian I know would have fought with his entire life to come back to me, but you didn't. So you can't be real."

"Ana there were reasons and circumstances of why I couldn't be there with you. I love you Ana, you know that. I love you so fucking much and I'm so sorry for all the pain and suffering I've put you through, it was never my intention. "Christian told her, as he stopped at a red light "I didn't intentionally stay away from you, you should know that. If I could have been here, I would have but there are so many things you don't know, and we'll have that talk but for right now, I just want you to myself, I just want to take you home, I want to take a bath with you while we have some wine, and by the looks of it you haven't been eating well so, I'll have Gail prepare you some food. I've spent so long without you, Ana I just need you right now. Please don't hate me, if you want to be angry, then wait until tomorrow. Tell me how big of bastard I am for abandoning you, but tonight just let me love you. "

"I've missed you so much, Christian." She began when he started driving again. And it didn't take long for them to arrive at Escala and find their way up. As she walked in though, she thought back to when she was last here, she was a train wreck. She'd promised to let him go, yet the next day she couldn't. She kept going back and forth, one minute she was set on letting Christian go and the next she became too weak to even let the thought cross her mind. Maybe now she didn't have to.

"This place looks so vacant. " Christian observed as he pulled her to their bedroom "And where in world are you clothes?"

"I don't live here." Ana whispered, afraid of his reaction. How was she supposed to tell him that she could bear to feel the emptiness of the surroundings in this apartment? She wanted to be close with him, yes but she couldn't bear to be around all the memories that were too fresh in her mind.

"What do you mean you don't live here?" He asked, turning to face her

"I live in my old apartment."

"With Kate?"

"No, alone. Kate moved out after she and Elliott got married. "Ana explained. She had a lot of filling in to do for him. A lot happened in a year.

"Married?" He questioned, plopping down on the bed and laying his head back

"Everyone was so hurt after you left, Christian. No one has been the same. Your death took a lot out of us. And Kate and Elliot realized just how much they loved each other, your death showed them that, life was short and they wanted to spend the rest of their life together and so they got married, and now well, you're going to be an uncle."

"They're having a baby?" He asked, his tone was a bit on the downer side. How could he lose a year of his life like this? It wasn't fair. All these things he should have been here for, that he should have been a part of and now they were just memories in a picture frame.

"Yeah. Christian a lot has happened, and I can't even believe this. I don't know if this is real, or if I'm dreaming all I know is that the man I thought I lost, the man I've been grieving for the last year is here in front of me and I just want to hold onto you forever."

"If this was a dream, would I be able to do this? " Christian asked, as he stood up he walked to Ana framed her face between his hands, and planted a passionate kiss upon her lips. In that moment, the past year was gone, the pain, the suffering, everything. It just didn't seem to matter as she kissed him back. And was exactly what she needed. It was real, as real as it got. She didn't know how it happened, but she got him back. The man she loved, was here and from now on she was going to keep in a bubble, to make sure that nothing bad happened to him.

"You should stop." Ana said pulling away, she began to start sobbing as her hands began to shake.

"What's wrong?"

"I thought you were dead Christian. I've never felt as alone as I have in this past you. Do you have any idea how much I've cried, how much I've grieved, Trying to get over you, to move on was the most painful thing I have ever done, and the truth is I didn't even do that. I vowed to let you go. It hurt so much to know that you weren't coming back Christian. You were gone. Just gone, vanished. And then your lawyer read me your will, He told me that you left me everything, including your company. Even SIP since you bought it before the crash. God, Christian why did you do that? I know nothing about running a company how could you leave me yours? I didn't want any of your possessions, I never did, and I've only ever wanted you. You have no idea how lost I was without you. I didn't want to live Christian, hell If I had the guts, I might have even jumped off a cliff or something." Ana sobbed,

"Anastasia, I don't ever want to hear those words out of your mouth again. I don't give a fuck how bad your life gets I don't ever want to hear you threaten your own life. I'm sorry that you were in so much pain, baby. I truly am. I can't imagine what you went through." He tried to soothe her but it just wasn't working.

"Christian, I don't understand any of this. I love you so much, maybe even too much. I don't know how to feel right now all I know is that I never stopped loving you, and I want to touch you and make sure you're not going to disappear on me." Ana told him just as he held a hand out for her. She hesitated at first but eventually took it. As he pulled her into her chest and wrapped his arms around her, she began to feel a bit a peace. But that didn't stop her sobs from coming. She cried, and cried for what felt like hours into his arms.

"Baby? Let's get off the floor, do you want a bath?" Christian asked. Until this moment he hadn't realized just how much of a hard time this past year had been on her. Sure he knew that losing him hadn't been easy, but the truth was he hadn't thought he was worthy of his love, why in the world would she crash and burn over his death? "Let me go run some water." He stood to leave, but she grasped his arm in a death grip

"Don't you leave me! No. don't go, you can't. Please, Christian please don't leave me. "

"Shhh. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Christian?"

"Yes?"

"Can you just hold me, make me forget that you ever left? I just need to be in your arms in our bed." Ana begged

"Of course." He said lifting her in his arms

And not too long after she drifted into a sleep.

The pounding in her head is what ultimately woke her, she didn't care though. She remembered the previous night, and how she got her life back, but when she rolled over to face him, the bed was empty. No one was there. No trace of anyone ever being there. Her worst fears came to life when Ana realized that Christian had never came back to her, it all had just been a dream.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews. I swear everyday my list of followers and favorites gets bigger. I can't thank you enough for that. A lot of you have been wondering about Christian and well I'm not giving anything away. But I will say that all your sadness is going to be worth it I promise. I might torture you a bit but in the end everything will work out how it's meant to work out. Everyone was so hell bent on this not being a dream so you just might hate me for this chapter. And if you do, When you form a mob at my door, please keep in mind that you can't have the sunshine without the rain. _

She's felt like a complete idiot when she showered and fled Escala. How had she gotten to Escala if it had all been a dream? All she knew is that she was never going to drink again. She'd been completely wasted and fantasized that the love of her life was still alive. Who the hell did that? Ana didn't know where she was going or what she was going to do, but as she wandered around the city, her phone started buzzing. She knew she wanted to ignore it, but she couldn't. If she had everyone would just make a fuss and worry more than they already were.

"Hello?"

"Hey there, Ana. How's my girl?" Carla's voice came through the phone. It had been a while since she'd talked to her mother, she just didn't know what to say. Her mother was too concerned for Ana's liking so she'd been avoiding her. It had been months since she last spoke to her. And she wasn't even entirely sure she was ready to have this conversation.

"Hi mom, I'm fine." Ana lied. The truth was that she was far from fine, she thought she had him back but it turned out to be a dream. And worse than that, she had no recollection of anything after leaving the message on Christian's phone.

"You're not, Ana Grace has called me, and told me that you're having a hard time with this, I think it would be best if you came to Georgia for a while." She suggested with a sigh...

"I don't want to mom, my life is here. And I'm fine. I'm twenty one, I can take care of myself. I know that you're concerned for me and I love you for that, but I'm dealing with everything in my own way, I'm my own terms. Please don't push me, just be here for me." Ana begged, the last thing she wanted was to completely vanish from her life in Seattle, sure it was no walk through the park lately, but it was home. It's where she'd fallen in love for the first time, and more than that, even though he was no longer there, it was where Christian was.

"I'm just worried about you Ana. My sweet loving girl you used to be so positive and optimistic, so full of love but now, you barely even get on the phone when I call." Her mother started on her. And this was the last thing she needed. Right now she needed to find out what happened last night, her mother could wait, right?

"Mom, please don't do this, don't bring it up."

"Ana, I have to. You're my daughter and we should be able to talk about this. "

"I miss him, God, do I miss him. Okay mom? Is that what you want to hear I wake up every single day and reach for him? There is this old T-Shirt that he had, I used to hate it, and now it's the one thing I hold on to more than ever, the only thing that even I can't throw away. Christian was the love of my life and now he's just gone. What do I do with that? Where do I go from there?" Ana asked, standing in the driveway to her apartment. She hadn't realized until now that she'd been walking around the city and it led her home. She didn't know how she did it because the walk couldn't have been short. She must just be that overwhelmed she thought to herself.

"I can come to you, if you need me to." Carla informed her. She just wanted to help her daughter, she wanted to help her make sense of it all. "What about Cole, Grace mentioned you were seeing him."

"I broke things off with Cole, it wasn't right for him to be with me when I was in love with Christian and had no intentions of letting him go. I don't know what to do mom, I keep telling myself that I'm going to let him go and I mean it, but then I just can't seem to go through with it. What's wrong with me?" Ana asked, sitting on a step outside her apartment.

"Nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart, you loved. Not just a tiny bit, but with your entire heart and it's not going to be easy to let that go entirely in fact, you're never going to be completely over Christian, you're not going to ever get over his death. "Carla stated, her tone was trying to be comforting, but that was the last thing she was being at the moment. Why in the world would she say that to Ana? Ana needed encouragement to move forward, not a reason to hold her back.

"Thanks mom, cause that really helped me move forward. " Ana chided at her as she debated hanging up on her, but before she could, her mother gave her another piece of wise advice.

"Ana, I'm telling you this not to hurt you or hold you back, but because you'll never be over him but in time you'll be able to live with him being gone. It's never going to be the same, Christian will always be the love of your life, but it's time that you start remembering that what you had with him was special and it's something that will never be replaced, no one is ever going to be able take his place, or be everything he was. Someday though, Ana, someday you'll find someone who you love in a different way than you loved Christian. And that's what he would have wanted. He wouldn't want you to be miserable. "

"I don't want anyone else though, mom, I just want him. "

"I know, and trust and believe me when I tell you that if I could bring him back to you, I would. For now though, you need to start looking out for yourself. Ana, don't isolate yourself between work and home. Christian may be gone, but you still have a family within the Grey's. "

"I know mom, maybe you're right, and maybe you could come out for a few days. I really miss you."

"I'd be honored. Ana I miss you too. I just want my daughter to be happy and I know it's going to take a lot of time and work, but I do believe we can get you there. "

"I love you mom." Ana said. She needed her mom right now, but she hadn't realized just how much until this conversation. And while she had no intentions of flying to Georgia, she wasn't opposed to her mother coming in to her.

"I love you too, I'll text you when I schedule a flight, please take care of yourself, Anastasia. " Carla begged, she knew her daughter a little all too well.

When the line went dead, and hung up her blackberry and let out a long sigh before she went into her apartment. She was not going to sit around and wallow, not today. She had to distract herself before she had a mental breakdown. As she opened the door to her apartment though, she was met with a big surprise.

"Cole? What in the world are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you after last night. " He told her, and his sentence broke her heart. It was the realization of what she had been asking herself.

"It was you. " She whispered, she couldn't hide the disappointment on her face, and Cole noticed.

"I would give anything to have had him find you Ana, I honestly would. As much as I love you, I can tell how much you love him, dead or alive. Kate called last night when she couldn't get a hold of you, she was worried, so she told me where the grave was located and there you were. You kept calling me Christian, I tried telling you that it wasn't him and it was me but you were so drunk, I think you just saw what you wanted to see. "

"It explains the SVU." Ana said, she should have known. It was Cole's car, she'd been the one who helped him pick it out. Why didn't she realize that?

"Why did you take me to Escala?" She questioned in curiosity. "

"I just thought that you would want to be closer to him. I can't imagine at all what you're going through, it must be hard, and it probably didn't help matters when I told you I was going to wait for you. So I have a proposition for you." Cole told her with a sad smile

"What is it?"

"Friends. I want to help you Ana, and I understand now just how far from ready you are for a relationship and I'm okay with that. However, I want to be a part of your life, I want that more than anything, and so if that means standing by you as nothing more than a friend, I'm okay with that."

Ana smiled at Cole's gesture, he was truly the sweetest man she knew. Even though she'd practically used him and his feelings, he still wanted to be there for her and she'd forever be grateful.

"I'd like that. " Ana said, then a questioned dawned on her. "Did we… You know? Sleep together?"

"No, Ana I'd never take advantage of you. You thought I was him, and you wanted me to hold you and that was it. But you kept mumbling something about a bath and not eating enough. "Cole said with a questioning look but didn't pry. Ana was grateful. One word, and she'd probably breakdown.

"Thank you, thank you for everything. Taking care of me, being here for me, you'll never understand how much it means to me."

"I would do anything to help you Ana, you know that."

Ana nodded at her friend, she did know that. She knew that for certain, even if she didn't know anything else she could always count on that.

"So can I ask you why you were at the grave at night, with a bottle of whiskey?" Cole spoke up after moments of silence

"I just wanted to be close to him. I miss him so much and I wanted to talk to him, without making myself feel crazy for it, I mean people talk to grave's all the time, right? I keep telling myself that I'm letting him go but I can't do it Cole, and I just needed to clear my head about it. And I flet like I needed my best friend to listen, but the truth is my best friend is dead. "She stated. As much as she loved Kate, Christian was her heart and soul, her best friend. She shared everything with him and now it was just gone.

"Do you think, you'll ever be able to love someone else?" Cole asked out of curiosity, he was in no way trying to push her, but he did wonder after the way she loved him, if she could possibly give her heart away again.

Ana didn't have an answer, but she did have a lyric she once heard. "I might be wonderful, it might be magical, it might be everything I've waited for, a miracle and if I shall ever fall in love with someone new, it will never be the way I loved him."

"Song?"

"Yes, but I figured it related here. The thing is that it's possible I can love again but no matter who I end up with, Christian will always be the love of my life, the one I wanted to spend forever with and there's never any changing that. He was my first in so many ways and I'll never forget him. I just have to try to live without him. "Ana said

"And I'm here to help you, every step of the way."

Ana nodded, she felt comfort in Cole's words. Maybe this could work, them being friends, it didn't make her pain go away, but it lessened her pain while he was present. Maybe she'd be able to get through this horrible tragedy after all.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: OH my Jesus! You guys are completely and utterly amazing to me. Three days and I'm at 189 followers, 163 reviews, 79 favorites and 7,688 reviews. Can you believe that? I can't. None of my stories have ever gotten that much in just Three days. On another note, thank you guys so very much for supporting not just this story but me. You'll never know exactly just how much it means! Happy readings to you all. _

"There's something that I've been wondering, something I don't get. " Ana told Cole as they sat across from each other in café on a lunch date. It had been a week since she thought she saw Christian and she hadn't brought up what had been weighing on her mind

"What is it?"

"Escala isn't like most apartments, you have to have codes to get in there. Christian made sure of that. He wanted to be protected. So how did you get in?"

"You don't remember? You told me, last night when we were there. You thought he may have forgotten them so you made sure to inform him, well me. "Cole explained as he stirred sugar in his tea.

"Understandable, I guess. " Ana breathed. She made a mental note to change every last code, while she didn't believe Cole would have betray her trust, she knew that Christian would never want anyone to know them. And she was going to honor that, him being gone or not.

"What's on your agenda today?" Cole asked

"I'm meeting Grace after this, she's been worried about me. She knows how hard this has been on me and she and I have gotten pretty close after Christian died. She's always there for me, and I haven't even been taking any of the Grey's feelings into consideration, I've been so selfish, only worrying about me. I just want to be there for them now. "Ana said with regrets. The last thing she wanted to be was selfish. And although her suffering was far from over, it was finally time that she accepted that Christian wasn't coming home. Of course, she was going to have to fight to let him go, but eventually with the help of the people she loved, she'd get there, right?

Placing a hand over hers, Cole tried to comfort her "You haven't been selfish. And Grace won't think that. She's the kindest person there is. She understands, Ana, you'd never intentionally hurt them, and you haven't hurt them. Do you know how highly Grace speaks of you? Do you know what she told me when she encouraged me to ask you out?" Cole questioned

Ana shook her head. She'd never really thought about it. She always knew Grace wanted her to be happy, maybe even too soon but she never asked about what she'd said to Cole to convince him on asking her out.

"She told me that you were the most amazing woman she'd ever known at such a young age. You're wiser beyond your years and any man to be able to even have a conversation is a blessed man." Cole quoted.

"She said that?" Ana whispered in disbelief. Grace really was rooting for her happiness. One thing Ana would never understand though was why. Sure she was an amazing person, but Christian had been her son, why in the world would she want her to move on so quickly? Ana wanted to move on, but it just felt like she was cheating on him. It's the main reason she could never be happy with Cole. Anytime they kissed, held hands or had sex, she immediately felt guilty after.

"She did, Ana she just wants to your happiness. And though she'd give anything for htat have been with her son, she understands that you can't live your life in misery. She understands that at some point, you have to let go and move on, and she doesn't hate you for that. In fact, she's proud of how strong you are."

"Have you discussed me with her?" Ana asked, not understanding how Cole would have known all of this if he hadn't?

"A few times, after we broke up, we had a conversation, about you and Christian, she told me just how much you turned his life around. He loved you, apparently, quite a bit. "

"I loved him too." Ana said softly, remembering all the ways she'd loved him. It was such a beautiful love, but it ended in a tragedy. She remembered all the times Christian told her that love stories didn't have an end, yet theirs did.

"Just don't be too hard on yourself Ana, you have a right to need space from everyone and everything. You've been through so much, and I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what happens. I'm your friend. "

"Thank you Cole, after everything that happened with us, I'm glad to still have you in my life." Ana told him in truth, just because they weren't together, didn't mean she didn't value his presence in her life. She did.

"I know Ana, and right know we don't need to discuss that we were a couple. If someday, you want to discuss that, we can. For now though, I'm just here to help someone I care very much about. You've been through a horrible thing, and while I don't always know the right thing to say or do, I do want to help."

"Thank you Cole, someday you're going to make some special woman, extremely happy." Ana said, before kissing him on the cheek. "I have to go, but I'll catch up with you later. "

Cole nodded, he didn't say it but he still had hope that the special woman was Ana.

"Ana dear, it's so great to see you." Grace greeted her as she opened the door and pulled Ana into her home.

"It's good to see you too Grace. I've missed you. I just wanted to apologize for my absence. I never want to hurt you, and I know that I've been so selfish lately and I honestly don't mean it, but… "

Grace cut her off immediately as they sat in the kitchen, across from one another "Ana, you don't need to apologize to me, you've done nothing wrong. And you've been far from selfish. You lost him too, not just us. He was our son, but as I told you before he was the love of your life, and you'll never be whole again, but I want your happiness, I want you to wake up each day and know that you're going to be okay."

"I want that too, Grace so very much. The thing is though, I'm not sure I'm there yet. Cole and I broke up."

"I heard. May I ask why?" Grace questioned, she already had Cole's side but she wanted to hear Ana's

"The truth is, that I'm nowhere near ready to have a boyfriend. I care about Cole, but I've realized that I wasn't actually in love with him. I think maybe I could someday, just not today. I need to accept the fact that Christian is never coming back before I'm able to move on with someone else. And it wasn't fair to Cole to just keep him there because I'm lonely. Every time I was with him, I imagined I was with Christian, and after Cole was gone, I always felt like I was betraying Christian, it wasn't right. None of this is. "Ana stated in a saddened tone.

"I'm so proud of you, Ana. I still believe that you can find your happiness, but I'm glad you're making the right choice for yourself. It's what he would want. "

"I know."

"Which reminds me, I have something for you." Grace said, giving Ana a small then she walked away from the table. Curiosity rose through Ana. She wasn't sure if it was good or bad. But she knew whatever Grace had, it had to do with Christian.

When grace returned, she had a huge grin on her face. Ana was starting to feel uncomfortable, it was either going to be really bad, or incredibly great.

"Now, I know you're going through a lot right and I'm sorry for that. You already have enough possessions, but I wanted to give you something that you could truly appreciate. "Grace told her lifting a small rectangular box. And setting it in front of Ana.

"Grace, I can't. "

"Just open the box, Ana" Grace demanded with seriousness

And Ana obeyed, she slowly took the box in her hands and when she did, there was a silver, heart locket contained inside. When she took it out it she read the engraving on it, which brought tears to her eyes. It read CTG 1984-2011. And on the back it read forever in our hearts. She wanted to cry, it was already too much. She began to cry before she had a chance to look inside, but when she did she went into a full on sob. Grace had put a picture of Christian when he was a child one the left side of the heart, and on the right side, was the picture of Ana and Christian from graduation.

"Grace." Ana said through a sob. It was perfect, the locket was the perfect way to keep Christian in her heart at all times. She loved the locket more than she could ever explain. It just proved that Christian had always been, and always would be her heart.

"I know that you're having a hard time with all this, we all are. I wanted to give you something that you could keep with you at all times and know that no matter where you go in life, no matter what you do, that Christian, will always be with you. He will. "

"It's so beautiful, I love it, and how can I ever repay you for this?" Ana asked.

"You can get your life together, become happy. I know it's going to take a lot of work, but it breaks my heart to see you like this. I know you loved him, but he wouldn't want this for you. Christian was far from perfect, but he was a good man. He always put you first. And he loved you so much, his beautiful grey eyes always lit up when you walked into a room, or anytime he talked about you. That man, he would have given you the world if he had gotten the chance." Grace bragged.

"I know. I miss him so much, I'm not sure if I can ever love again though Grace. How do you love someone again after you've already had the taste of perfection? We both know that Christian and I had our problems, but in our own way, we were perfect. "

"It'll take time, but Ana I promise you that you'll get here. You're beautiful, strong, kind, and intelligent, you're going to find your way back. "

"I think I need finally make good on my word to let him go, he's not coming back and if I don't let him go now, I never will. I need to say goodbye." Ana admitted, forcing the words out before she could change her mind

"I think you're right about that." Grace agreed.

"I hate to do this, Grace, but do you mind if we reschedule, there's something I have to do." Ana said, as she began to stand

"Of course, but where are you going?"

"I have to go see him, I have to go tell him goodbye. It's the only way I'll ever be able to move on. He deserves a goodbye before I began to live my life without him. And this time, well this time I'll make good on my word. I have to stop saying I'll let him go and then don't. This time, its final, after today my life without Christian will finally begin, even if that's the last thing I want to happen." Ana said

Grace only nodded. She pulled Ana into a hug than watched her leave knowing that after the next few hours, she was going to need someone. So she pulled out her phone and dialed a familiar number.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Do you guys know how amazing you are, coming home and getting all these reviews it awesome! I also do enjoy all your theories about what Christian is up to, what's going to happen, my favorite, Cole. Seems there's lots of theories of him. Again thank you for all the support and love of this story, you guys rock. _

Ana placed the dozen of roses that she'd bought at Christian's grave as she knelt down to the grave. She remembered the last time she'd been here, she remembered maybe a little bit all too well. She'd thought she saw Christian, but it wasn't. She'd never have him again and that was the reason she knelt before his grave. It was time to say goodbye, really say it this time. She knew that after she left this grave tonight, she would have to mourn the loss of him like it was the first time. She knew it was going to take time, but this time she had to make good on her word. As she sat in silence at his grave, not knowing what to say, she drew a heart in the dirt that surrounded his grave.

"This is the part where I'm supposed to say goodbye, but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I remember when we first met, I remember it as clear as day. You were dressed in one of your many, many suits your grey eyes pierced into me as they did they did so many times before. I felt so embarrassed as I fell into your office, but you just smirked and helped me up. I was nervous that day, but they you probably already knew that. I never imagined just that day, you would end up being so important to me. You were though. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you, I still love you. No one ever caught my eye, not before you. And now it's just gone, how does that even happen? One minute, we had it all and now, it's just gone. Every single day that passes, when you're not here, I die so much more. I have this hole inside of me, a void that I just can't fill. I didn't know that it was possible to love someone this much until I found you, you consumed me, Christian, you were my entire world, and now I don't know how to pick myself back up. I have to try though, I can't live in this darkness as much as I love you I can't let this be the rest of my life. Picturing a life without you, it's the last thing that I want to do, but I think deep down you would want me to do this. Your mom, she gave me a locket, a heart locket, it has a picture of us inside, and it was engraved. God, Christian I could have had a breakdown from that gift because it was truly amazing, and now you'll be with me forever, near my heart. "Ana told the empty grave as she traced the heart she drew

"The day I heard that the Charlie Tango, crashed, my entire world crashed with it. I didn't think I could possibly get any worse news than until the day they stopped searching and told me you were dead. It was like something went cold and dead inside of me, how do you move on knowing that your heart and soul is with a person that you can no longer have? I don't know how to live without you, I wish that could say that I wish I had never met you but that's not true. I'm grateful to have had the time we did together even if it was cut so short. I never imagined that you would be taken from me so soon. The day of your funeral though, it was the worst. To be honest, I didn't even want to go, I wanted to mourn you in private, but your mom pulled me out of bed and forced me. I can still smell the fresh cut grass as I walked into the cemetery. I think I had a pretty good handle on my emotions that day up until they read that poem. _Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die._ I don't know how to walk away, Christian, how do I do it? How do I get up and tell myself that I'm going to be okay without you? It reminds me of this song, they played at your funeral, in the song it says "I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to find a way to carry on, but I don't want to feel better, I don't want to not remember, I will always see your face in the shadows of this haunted place, I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky, but I will not say goodbye. That suits me right now, Christian because if I'm being honest with myself right here in this moment, I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to at all. I have so much that I never got to say, and I guess I should probably say it now. When you asked me to marry you, I was happy. At least after I got over the shock. I know I told you I needed to think about it, but what you didn't know is that I already knew my answer, I would have said yes, Christian I wanted to say yes. I wanted to be your wife, God Christian we should be married right now, maybe even with a baby. A little boy as handsome as you, his little grey eyes that beam up at me the way yours do. Or maybe a little girl with my blue eyes, one that has you wrapped around her little finger. That was supposed to be our life, it wasn't supposed to be just a faded, broken dream. I wish you were here, I want you to come back to me. I need you. "Ana told him, bringing a hand to wipe her tears, and then digging into her purse for a picture she'd brought. It was one of her and Christian that was taken by a photographer. He was cupping her face as he started passionately in her eyes. And she was staring at him, all wide eyed and innocently "I love this picture, God I love it so much. Why did this happen to us, I hate it, I need you to come back to me, but I have to let you go. What's wrong with me, Christian? You told me after our break up that our time apart felt like the sun hadn't risen, and right now that's how I feel. It's been such a dark year, and it's not even getting any better. Why won't it get better? I don't want to be stuck in this darkness. Come save me, come back to me. You know it's the brightest days that hurt the most, the days when the sunshine's and happiness spreads in the air. It hurts because I should be sharing it with you. I still can't believe you're gone, and I don't want to believe it. But how can you deny something that you know is true? I have all these what ifs that spread in my mind. If you were still here would be married, would we have kids of our own? What would we name them? Why I torture myself with it is beyond me but I can't stop. I want you to know something though, Christian. I love you, you were the first man I ever loved, the man I gave my virginity to, the man that even though he hurt me, I forgave, I love you Christian, I'll always love you. You'll always have the biggest part of me. And no one can ever replace you. If I do fall in love again someday, he'll never be you, he'll never have the hold on my heart that you do. He'll never completely have me, not the way you did. I love you Christian. "Ana told him then she brought her hand to her lips and kissed it, placing her hand back to the grave she gave him her last kiss. This was finally goodbye, so now how did she get up and walk away? Ana knew that deep down she didn't have the strength for his, she should have called Grace, or even Kate, she couldn't walk away alone.

She began to cry harder as the reality of what was happening occurred to her. Once she got up, she was moving on, she wasn't going to be continuing to love him more, she'd be letting him go. And to let go, she needed to feel the pain, she needed to hurt, and she needed all of it if she ever wanted to let it go. So as she sat at the grave, she found a rock, and placed it on the picture, she wanted him to have it forever, even if he wouldn't really have it.

"Ana?" A familiar voice called behind her.

"Cole? What are you doing here?" Ana asked in disbelief, how could he have possibly known she was here? She began to feel uneasy as she stepped closer

"Grace called me, told me that you'd need a friend, and as I waited an hour, knowing you'd the time and I drove straight her. Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? What kind of question is that Cole the man that I love, he's gone, vanished and he's coming back. And today I had to say goodbye, and let him go, tell me something would you be okay after that? Because I'm not, it hurts like hell. Maybe even worse." Ana snapped, why would he even ask her that, if Grace had told him what she was doing, he'd know they she wasn't okay

"I'm sorry, I know that you're not okay, I just didn't know what else to say." Cole told her, his hazel eyes were full of nothing but compassion for her. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her it would all be okay. But he didn't. He promised Ana friendship and that's what he was going to give her. That's what she needed, and she came first. "Do you want to be alone?"

Ana shook her head. "I'll never walk away if I'm alone, Cole. I can't. I don't know how to get up and leave him knowing that once I do, it's just over. "Ana admitted to her new "friend "

"I'll stay here with you, as long as you need, I'll help you walk away, if that's what you want."

"What I do Cole? I love him, so much, how do I leave him? I want him back, I don't want him to be gone, and I just need him." Ana cried, and Cole rushed to her and put an arm around her as she cried at the grave of the man she loved

"I wish that I knew of the right thing to say, but I don't. All I can tell you is that it'll get better, time heals wounds. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you'll be okay, just hold on to that hope."

"What hope? My hope died on that plane." Ana snapped, moving away from Cole "How Cole, how am I supposed to live without him? He was my lifeline, how do I go on from that. It should have been me! I'm the one who should have died. This is no fucking life that I want. My life is gone, I just want to be with him. "

"Ana, you need to calm down. " Cole stated calmly, slowly moving towards her but she backed away

"Don't tell me to calm down, he's dead! He's gone, and I can't bring him back and this last year I've just been denying that. I thought he'd come back to me but he hasn't. I hate this, I don't want this life without him. "Ana screamed at Cole. She didn't want his help, she didn't want him here, and she wanted Christian.

"Ana, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I'd bring him back to you if I could."

"Not you wouldn't you're probably glad he's dead because he's not in the way, and you can just jump at your chance to sweep off my feet. But you can't, because I'll always love him, I'll never love you. "And screamed, but the irony was she didn't mean a word, she just wanted to push Cole away, so that she didn't have a chance to get hurt again

"I know you don't mean that. Come with me Ana, let me get you home."

"I am home, home is where he is. It's always been where he is. "

"He's gone, you have to accept that."

"Make it go away. It hurts please. My heart has been ripped my chest, please just make it stop." Ana begged, falling to her knees. Her breathing began to increase as she started to get lightheaded. She wasn't sure what happened in the last moments before the blackness took over.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: You guys are unbelievably amazing. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to wake up with so many reviews. I try to answer every single one when I can, and even though it took forever, I did it! Well I think I did. I do hope you enjoy this chapter, on another note, I think some of you are a bit biased with this Cole thing. I've heard all of your theories, now want to hear mine? I think that you guys love Christian and Ana so much that you just WANT Cole to be evil so you can hate him. Haha. Happy readings. _

Ana heard the whispers around her as she came to. She wasn't exactly sure what happened, or where she was, but the last thing she did remember was yelling at Cole in the cemetery. She'd said horrible things to him, things she regretting, but couldn't ever take back. She knew Cole would never wish her pain, never be glad Christian was dead, but that didn't stop the words from coming out of her mouth. As she opened her eyes, she immediately realized where she was. She was in a hospital. She lifted her hand to her face to where her Cannulas was, she'd planned to rip it off, but someone else had other plans, a hand stopped her. It was Grace.

"You need to keep that in."

"I want to go home, why am I here?"

"You had a little scene at the cemetery, you fainted, and Ana you need to calm down. The doctors will be in soon to tell you what's wrong, but for now there's someone here to see you." Grace told her

"I don't want a visitor, I'm fine and I want to go home." Ana told Grace, beginning to raise her voice "Please Grace, I need to go home. I can't be here, I can't be anywhere. I need to go to Escala, please let me go back. I need to be close to him. If I'm going to live without him tomorrow, then I need to be with him tonight. "

"Ana, calm down, you need to relax."

"I don't want to relax." Ana screamed just as she pulled an IV out of her arm "I don't want to be here, I want to go home. Let me go home. You can't keep me here, I'm an adult. "

Ana began to cry, feeling helpless. Why wouldn't' Grace let her go home? She wasn't sick. Surely there were other patients who actually needed to be taken care of, right? Ana just wanted to leave, she wanted to be alone, why wouldn't let leave her alone?

"Ana, you have to stay calm. This isn't good for you. You're in shock, you're exhausted and you're grieving, it's going to be okay, I promise. You just have to let me help you, "Grace softly said to her as she pulled her back into the bed and put her IV back where it belonged, and Ana didn't fight her on it. Deep down, she knew that she belonged in this bed. And Grace was a doctor, she knew what she was doing

"Grace, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you lost your son."

"You know, maybe we should talk. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it gets better. The truth is I'm just as upset as you are. I may not show it but its there. I loved him too, that was my son, my perfect little boy with grey eyes. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him. He was the perfect addition to my family. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him. I think about him all the time, a parent should never have to outlive their child. And it's not something you heal from. It's an ache that I live with every single day that passes. When you a lose a child, there's no bouncing back from that. Something dies inside of you, I'll never be the same again, not without Christian. He may have not been my biological son, but he was my child in every way. So Ana, I know exactly how you feel, I know this hard, and I know it's the fight of your life but you have to win it. You can't let this grief take over your life. "

"It's just not fair, how am I supposed to function now that he's gone. I'm letting him go, I promise you I am but how do I move on now?" Ana questioned Grace as she sat on her bed, holding her hand too tightly

"Ana, I know you want the happiness, and the greatness of everything you can have in life, but before you can do any of that, you have to hurt, you have to let that pain inside, you have to cry, you have let it consume you, and eventually with all of that you'll learn to let it go, and it'll give you the courage and strength to move on."

"I don't want to hurt anymore."

"I know, and it'll be okay. You just need find a way to cope. Whether it's music, or writing, or crying whatever it is, you need to do it and soon enough the pain will ease up on you."

"I hate to interrupt, but Dr. Grace they need you for a patient. " Cole said, stepping into the room, wearing scrubs. He barley even looked at Ana.

"I'll be back soon, think about what I said dear. "

"Okay. " She responded and Grace was gone. She'd thought Cole was going to go with her, but he didn't. He only shut the door behind her and turned to finally face her. His hazel eyes searched her blue ones for some kind of explanation on what she was thinking

"How are you feeling?" He asked, taking the chair next to her bed

"I'm okay. Cole, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said, and I know that I can't take it back and I don't blame you if you won't forgive him but I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, I understand. You're going through something horrible, I shouldn't have pushed you the way I did. When Grace called, I should have just left it alone. Left you alone, the last thing I wanted was to upset you. "Cole started, and it was true. All he wanted was Ana's friendship right now. Sure, he loved her, but he would never push her into something with him when clearly she was dealing with so much.

"I feel so horrible for the words I said to you. I never wanted that, I never wanted to hurt your feelings and I don't believe for a second that you would ever be glad Christian is dead. You've only ever been good to me, and I can't thank you enough for that. I'm really sorry, can you forgive me?" Ana asked in hopes that he would say yes, but she wouldn't blame him if he told her no.

"There's nothing to forgive, nothing at all." Cole stated with confidence.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, now get some sleep. I'll be back to check on you on my break." He told her, kissed her forehead and then he fled. Ana was left in an empty room so feel the pain that wouldn't stop. She just wanted to sink into a hole and never come out. Reaching for her purse on the table beside her, she pulled out a picture of Christian and her iPod. Maybe music would help. It never occurred her that the song she chose would be so relatable.

_i reached for you this morning  
woke up with empty arms  
once again it's sinking in  
how far away you are  
i still pour two cups of coffee  
and tell you all about my dreams  
this kitchen's way to quiet  
you should still be here with me_

and even though i cry like crazy  
even though it hurts so bad  
i'm thankful for the time god gave me  
even though we couldn't make it last  
i'm learning how to live without you  
even though i don't want to  
and even with you gone love lives on

i still call your mom on sunday  
it's good to hear her voice  
she always tells me that same story  
about her stubborn little boy  
and i kept your favorite tshirt  
you know the one i used to hate  
ain't it funny how it's the one thing i  
i just can't throw away

and even though i cry like crazy  
even though it hurts so bad  
i'm thankful for the time god gave me  
even though we couldn't make it last  
i'm learning how to live without you  
even though i don't want to  
and even with you gone love lives on

she comes with me on your birthday  
little flowers in her hands  
she's always known there's something missing  
but to young to understand  
and someday she's going to ask me  
what kind of man you were  
i'll tell her all the ways i loved you  
and all of you i see in her

and even though i cry like crazy  
even though it hurts so bad  
i'm thankful for the love god gave me  
and she's the perfect way to make it last  
learning how to live without you  
baby i don't want you to  
but even with you gone  
love lives on yeah

i reached for you this morning  
woke up with empty arms

A knock on the door startled Ana from her sobbing uncontrollably. The person standing in front of her shocked her, a person she hadn't seen in almost a year.

"John? " Ana questioned. As he sat in the chair beside her. It had been months since she saw John Flynn.

"Hey there, Ana. I heard about what happened, Grace thought you could use me. And she figured since you already trusted me, that there wasn't any point in calling another therapist. "John told her

"I don't need your help, or your pity. " Ana said, coldly

"I don't pity you, I feel for you, for what you're going through, but I don't pity you. I just want to help. What can I do for you?"

"Can you bring him back to me?"

"If I could I would." John responded to Ana. He was Christian's shrink for so long, John had a front row seat to the Christian and Ana story. He noticed the huge change in Christian from the moment that he met Ana. They were truly two people who were meant to be.

"I miss him. Why did he leave me?"

"You know better than anyone Ana, he would have never intentionally left you. If he could be here with you today, he would be. Christian loved you, and you have to hold on to that. "John encouraged her as she began to sob harder

"I can't do this John. I miss him so much that it consumes me, I want the hurt to stop, and I can't live this way anymore. It hurts so much. Living without him, it's impossible. Why even try? I should have been the one to die, not him."

"Ana? Is that how you really feel? "John asked out of concern.

She only shrugged "I don't know. I'm not saying I want to go kill myself or anything, I'd never do that but I don't want to live a life where he's not here. I don't want to share my life with anyone but him. I'm supposed to be married to him, I'm supposed to have his babies, I'm supposed to fight and make up with him, not Cole, not anyone else. Why did he leave me? "

"So, lets talk about how you're feeling. " John suggest

"You want to know how I feel. I feel broken. I feel like my life is over! I never knew if I wanted a family of my own, or if I ever wanted to find someone to share my life with, but then I met Christian and everything change, and now it's gone. It was stolen from me. And I'm so sick and tired of feeling this. I feel numb and I don't want to feel anymore, I'd give anything to turn it all off. "Ana almost yelled at the good doctor

"It'll be okay. It gets better."

"Will you stop saying that? Will you all just stop fucking saying that. Like it helps because it doesn't it only makes it worse. Telling me that living without him is going to be okay just makes me want to punch you in the face. I hate those words. It's not going to be okay without him, don't you get that? I loved him and I'll never have him again, so no it's not fucking okay." And screamed as her pulse began to race, she could feel her heartbeat beating faster, and it was becoming harder to breathe

"Ana are you okay?" Flynn asked as he noticed her rapid breathing,

"I ... I can't breathe." She choked out

Flynn fled from his seat to get help, but as Grace and Cole came into the room, Ana had passed out.

_I hadn't planned on adding music to this chapter but I felt this song was too relatable to just ignore._

_Song- Love lives on my Mallary Hope _


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Thank you guys again for so much support. You guys rock. I love all the reviews I get, and I really try to answer every single one. I know a lot of you want happiness already, and well you can't have the sunshine without the rain. Just bear with me here._

"How is she really?" Carla asked Grace as they watched Ana sleep. She'd passed out from having A panic attack, she was stressed, and she was exhausted. They'd given her some kind of drug to help her relax but Grace knew that it was going to be a long road to recovering from her grief before Ana could fully relax.

"Carla, I would be lying if I told you she was okay, because she's not. I've never seen Ana this way before. She's a mess. She's a broken mess. I thought that by encouraging her to move on with Cole, would help ease the pain, but it didn't I only made it worse. I'm so sorry. "

"Grace, it's not your fault. You were just trying to help. Cole told me what you did for her, the locket, and thank you. I know she probably loved it. And you've really been here for her, when she wouldn't let me be. "

"It's not a problem. I called Cole when she went to say her goodbyes to Christian, I knew she'd need someone to be there for her, and I knew it couldn't be me, or anyone that had anything to do with Christian, Cole doesn't he's the one thing here that has no ties to Christian and I thought that would be good for, to be able to talk to someone that wasn't going to look at her like she was broken." Grace breathed as she sipped on her water.

"He's good for her, friendship wise. She looks so tired and warn out. How did this happen? I should have come to my little girl sooner." Carla burst out with tears "That's my daughter right there, my reason for living, I know I wasn't the perfect mother, I made so many mistakes but she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. How do I save her?"

"You can't. She has to do this alone. Ana doesn't want to be saved, she wants to wallow in this, and as much as it hurts we have to let her. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She had to let go of Christian and now that she has, she doesn't feel she deserves to be loved." Grace told Carla as she put an arm around the sobbing woman. Grace may have lost her son, but she wouldn't lose Ana. She was going to do everything in her power to give her son this last give, helping Ana and her mother through this horrible time.

"How could she think that? If nothing she deserves love more than anyone else. She's got a heart of gold, she gives more than she takes, and she's amazing. I don't know how she became this giving woman after having such a selfish mother, but I'm so proud of her." Carla replied with a sadness to her tone. How could she not have known just how much her daughter was suffering this past year? She was supposed to pick her up when she was down, wipe her tears when she cried, give her a shoulder to lean on when her world was falling apart, instead she believe in the farce Ana fed her. It was a delusion, Ana had never been okay the very few times she'd spoken to her mother, and she'd been a complete and utter mess.

"Ana promised to never leave Christian. My son had a lot of issues buried deep inside him from his childhood. He always saw the worst in things, and he always planted doubt in his mind. He thought Ana was too good for him, although she convinced him she wasn't. Ana told me this one night after he died, she'd been sleeping and promised to never leave him, and from that moment, Christian started to believe in himself, in their relationship. And now in her mind, her letting him go, well it's leaving him behind." Grace said remembering the night all too well.

"I just want her to know that I'm here for her, I want her to know that this isn't her fault. I want my daughter to know that I love her and she deserves to love again. "Carla said, taking her daughters hand in hers. She'd give anything to make all of Ana's pain go away. Hell, she'd take it for her just so she could put her heart at ease if she could.

"She knows you love her, despite everything Ana loves you. She knows that she'll always have you Carla. "Grace encourages

"She has me too." A voice at the door said, as Carla looked, Ray was standing before her.

"Where have you been?" Carla chided him as she rushed to him

"I'm going to give the two of you a few moments, I'll come to check on Ana in about an hour." Grace said, and exited the room

"I've been calling, Grace said she even called, where the hell have you been, Ray? You're closer to her than I am, you should have visited her more. How could you let this happen?" Carla snapped at him then found herself back at Ana's bedside

"I was on a fishing trip. I had no signal. The last time I talked to Annie, she was fine, or I thought she was. I didn't know things were this bad." He defended himself

"What do we do? Why didn't she turn to me?" Carla wondered out loud

"We stick together for our girl. That's what we do. We have to make sure she knows how loved she is. You know how she is, Carla, she's the suffer in silence type, she wasn't going to turn to you because she's strong ant independent. She thinks she can handle everything on her own."

"I love her so much, but I don't know how to save her." Carla cried as Ray took her in his arms

"Shhh. It's going to be okay, I'm here. For both of you." Ray said, tightening his arm around her

"We love you Ana," Carla said

"What happened to her?" Ray asked after several moments of silence

"She was overwhelmed with grief so they brought her in and admitted her for exhaustion, gave her something to help calm her down and relax her. She ended up having a panic attack caused by the stress after she got here. Her doctor thinks that she's on the verge of a mental breakdown if she doesn't deal with it and get help. "

"Help?" Ray questioned, not entirely sure what Carla had meant

"You know, therapy. They think her finally talking to someone about all the events that have led up to right now will help and prevent the breakdown, but knowing Ana, she's going to push herself until she has nothing left."

"Then we do everything we can to encourage her that she needs to talk to someone." Ray through in. He wasn't going to let his daughter self-destruct. He was going to do whatever it took to get her to finally open up, so she could let go and move on.

Ana woke up to whispers by her bedside. She's been awake for ten minutes listening to her parents talk about her. All this time she'd been concerned only about herself, she hadn't realized she was hurting everyone she loved at the same time. She began to open her eyes, but shut them immediately when the light hit. It was giving her a migraine from hell.

"Ana?" Carla's voice called through the room

"Hi mom." She said, reopening her eyes

"How are you feeling?"

"I want to go home. " She demanded, not bothering to even answering the question. Everyone knew exactly how she felt, broken.

"Not quite yet, Annie." Ray's voice stepped in, as he grabbed her hand from removing her IV "And you can't take that out of your arm either."

"Please don't make me say here, please let me go home. I need to go to Escala. I need to be with him.."

"Ana, he's gone, you can't be with him."

"Yes I can. He'll come to me in my dream, like last time. I need to be consumed by him one last time before it's really goodbye." She said, tears threatening to flow down her cheeks

"Ana, you have to let him go, he's not coming back."

"I know that, I do mom, but I need to be there one last night before I live without him, please let me go. " She begged with pleading blue eyes

"You need to rest."

"I miss him. Why did he leave me daddy?" Ana asked in a whisper

"He didn't want to. That man loved you, and wherever he is, he's watching down on you, hoping that you'll be okay. Praying that you'll find happiness."

"I can't be happy without him."

"You won't be happy without him, you can you just don't want to be." Carla replied

"That's not true, don't you think I tried?"

"No, I don't. You never gave Cole your heart. You only woke up wishing he was Christian." Carla told her

"Carla stop." Ray chided. Ana didn't need this, it was the last she needed to hear at the moment.

"She needs to hear this. " She said then turned to Ana "Honey, I love you, but you need to let him go. It's not going to do anyone any good by going on like this. You need to pick yourself up and stop sitting here feeling sorry for yourself."

"Get out!" Ana said, coldly

"Ana."

Ana cut her off "I said get out. Get out now. Go home, I don't need or want you here, if you're going to tell me to move on. I loved him, I can't just snap my fingers and forget that, Carla." Ana chided at her mother, not caring of how bad she was hurting her

"I know that, but you have to try to move on."

"I did. I tried with Cole, I really did but Christian and I didn't break up mother, it's not like I'm trying to heal a broken heart. He _died. _He left the world and left me with a shattered heart. Don't you get that? I'll never see him again, and all of you want me to just get over it. I can't just fucking get over it. It hurts. It hurts like hell. "She cried "And I'm so tired of you all telling me what you think I need to do, I'll handle this in my way. So if you can't support me then go home," She said then pressed a button the remote that called a nurse. It didn't take long for the nurse to arrive

"What do you need, dear?"

"I want them to leave." She said coldly "I want to be alone."

"Ana." Ray started but she only put a hand up at him and rolled to her side, so they could no longer see her face

"I think it's best that the two of you come back later, when Ana is feeling better. " Ana heard the nurse say

"I'm not leaving her." Ray responded

"You need to go, you can come back later. Here at the hospital, we do our best to make the patient comfortable, and that includes making people leave when they ask, I know you want to be here for her, and that's perfectly okay but she wants to be alone, you have to respect that. What happened to her is horrible, but she needs to deal with this in her own way. And if that's alone you have to let her do it. "

"I'll be back though. Don't you forget that Ana. I love you, we both do and you can tell us to leave, go home all you want, but we're not going anywhere until we know that you're alright. I love you Ana." Carla said and then she and Ray were escorted out.

She had never felt as alone as she did in this moment. Why did Christian have to abandon her?


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews, as for that guest reviewers who wanted to know about Christian, I really can't answer you if you don't log in. But I will not tell you where he is, just know that when the time is right, he'll be back. After a horribly long day at work I was so happy to have so many nice reviews that I could reply to. And oh my goodness this story is now at 254 followers, 125 favorites, 340 reviews and 18,515 reviews. I can't thank you guys enough. I love you all. Happy readings. _

"Ana, why haven't you called?" Kate chided walking into Ana's hospital room. She looked so distraught and Ana already knew she was about to be lectured.

"I'm in a hospital, haven't had time."

"It's been like a week since we've last talked, what happened to you, you used to be so… "

Kate wasn't able to finish her sentence as Ana cut her off "Nice? Kind? Giving? Loving? That girl is gone. Okay?" Ana snapped, coldly. She was living in her own hell, the last thing she needed right now was to be confronted with Kate's selfishness

"Ana, you need to get your shit together."

"You need to stop telling me what to do, this isn't about you Kate! Okay? I need to grieve in my own way and right now I don't want to be around anyone, that's why I didn't call you. It wasn't permission for you to come barging in the place like you own it." Ana told her. She loved Kate, she was like a sister but she hated how Kate could be so oblivious to Ana's feelings. She'd lost everything, Kate had everything. Didn't that give Ana a right to grieve alone?

"Why are you being like this, Ana? I only want to help you."

"Then get out."

"No, I want you to talk to me, let me in. I know you're going through a lot but. "

"Just stop talking Kate, don't you get it, this is who I am now. You don't know me. I loved him. Okay? I loved him and he died, put yourself in my shoes, if Elliott had been the one to die, would you just get over it like everyone wants you to?"

Kate frowned. Ana was right.

"Didn't think so. I know that you're all just trying to help, and I love you for that, but I need to do this on my own, and I really just need some space." Ana finally admitted. She didn't want to be cold towards her family, she didn't want to push them away but if she was ever going to live her life, she needed to learn how to live it alone, not just without Christian but by herself and to do that her family needed to back off a tiny bit.

"We're just worried about you, Ana, this is a side of you that none of us has ever seen. "

"Kate, I lost everything, the man I loved, all our dreams, my hope, my faith and my ability to believe. Christian was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't know how I'm going to live without him. I have barely been living in this past year, I've been surviving, but I haven't been living and now I have to get my life back. And as painful as it is, to imagine a life without him, I have to try. I want him back more than anything, but I'm lying to myself thinking that he's going to come rushing back to me and walking through that door, I need to let him go and I've said this before but in order to do that I need to go through the grief, I need to hurt, I need to experience the pain and eventually I'll let go and be able to move on. "Ana said, but deep down she wanted to take back every word that was coming out of her mouth.

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and even more than that, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you. I was so worried about Elliot that I lost sight in the fact that my best friend lost the man she loved and she needed me. I was so happy to be getting married that I never once asked you how you were coping. I guess we're all so used to you being so strong that we never second guessed it when you told us that you were okay, or when you started dating Cole. "

"I lost the man I loved, Kate how could you possibly think I was okay. I was a fragile mess." Ana admitted, feeling like a million weights were lifted off her shoulders.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"When did I ever have the chance? You and Elliot decided to get married, and then you got pregnant, so I just kept it a secret. I was fine with suffering in silence, plus despite everything else, I had Grace. She's been so good to me and she saw right through me. She was there for me in a way I needed. And I'll forever be grateful."

"She's an amazing woman, I only wish that I could have been the one to be there for you." Kate admitted, feeling as if she was the world's worst best friend.

"What's done is done, Kate. There's no point in going back through and digging up the past." Ana told her. Right now she just needed to be alone, to absorb her feelings, to think about where her next step was, Ana just needed time away from her family.

"I guess, I'll take off if space is what you really need." Kate told her, as her heart broke into a million pieces. As she made it to the door, she turned back to glance at Ana who was staring at framed picture of Christian "I'm really sorry for everything Ana, I just didn't realize that you were falling apart. I love you so much, and I hope you'll forgive me."

Ana watched her best friend go. She wanted so badly to tell Kate that she had nothing to forgive, she wanted to tell her that she understood that Elliot needed her, but she couldn't. She just watched her leave.

"I'm a horrible friend. " Ana spoke to the picture that she held in her hands "I wish you were here, I wish you could tell me what to do now. This would be the one time I would gratefully accept your need for control. God, Christian, I've been in denial for so long, I sure do wish you were here. I had a session with Flynn a little earlier. He asked me something that stuck with me, he asked me if I could go back and change it, if I would avoid going to that interview, and he asked if I would have known how everything would end, if I would change a single minute. I never answered him. I've been thinking about it all morning, and I finally have my answer. It's no. If I could change it, even knowing that you would die, I would have done it all over again. There's nothing about my life with you I regret except for the way it ended. A smart man once said and now I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance, and I'm not sure where you are, or if you're listening but if you're out there somewhere Christian, I hope that you know that. I hope you know that you're the happy ending to my fairytale, or at least you were. You were my forever. The only thing that keeps me going, Christian is knowing that I'm going to see you again someday, I'll hang on to that as you wait for me. I'm going to change my life around, but I'm going to do it for you. You always said you wanted nothing more than my happiness and so, even if it means killing myself in the process, I'm going to do what you wanted. "Ana said to an empty room. It was finally time to accept that she had to let it all go. She'd moved on, even if it ripped her heart out, she'd do that for Christian.

"How are you feeling?" Grace's voice came through the room startling Ana, as she quickly hid the picture under her blankets

"You don't have to hide that from me, Ana. I do want you to deal with this grief, but I don't expect you to just forget him.

"I know." She said

"Your parents have been asking about you."

"I didn't know that they were still here." Ana admitted, she hadn't seen them since she so rudely kicked them out of her room. She wasn't ready to face them, especially knowing she owed them the biggest apology in the world.

"They want to see you."

"I can't." She breathed, clenching the locket around her neck

"Why not?" Grace asked her as she swiftly went over Ana's medical chart.

"I was so horrible to them, especially my mother, I hurt her. I said things I can't ever take back. She's going to hate me."

"Your mother told me. She doesn't hate you. You have to remember though, your mom has been exactly where you are. Your biological father died when you were just a baby. He was the love of her life just as much as Christian was the love of yours. If anybody gets it, it's her."

"I know, Grace. I do know that but why is expecting me to just get over it? Why is everyone expecting me to just get over it? I loved him, not just a little bit but with my entire heart and soul. I breathed Christian. He consumed me, he was my lifeline and now everyone expects me to get over it with the snap of my fingers. A year gone by or not, it still hurts. You said it yourself, it's not something you get over, and you only learn to live with it. Well that's what I'm trying to do. And everyone just keeps pushing me to forget him, but I won't, I can't forget him. And Cole, while he's a great guy, he's never going to be Christian, he's never going to make me feel like Christian did. Christian and I had this electricity between us, something that gave us a connection. I can't just forget that, I won't. I love my mother more than anything but if that's all she's got for me than I don't want to see her."

"I'm sorry Ana, none of us ever meant to push you to do anything. We just want you happy."

"Then let me grieve for him, let me cry for him, let me hurt because of him, because if I can't do that, I'll never accept that he's gone, and I'll never let him go. " Ana explained. It's what she'd been trying to tell them all along and now she finally had the courage to do so. "I love you all so much, and you're the probably the only reason I'm able to function, you've done so much for me. With that being said though, I need to figure all of this out of myself. I have to know what life without him feels like. And I can't do that if you're all surrounding me and suffocating me. I realize that you think I'm on the verge of having a breakdown, but I'm not going to. I've been talking with Flynn, we've set up my next appointment, and he gave me a medication to help me sleep. He told me that it's going to take time, and a lot of sessions but he doesn't believe that I'm going to breakdown, I just have to stick to my routine. "

"I'll talk to your parents, and I'll back off. I'm sorry Ana, we all just want the best for you. It's all you've ever deserved."

"I already had the best." She whispered

"He'd be so proud of you."

Ana shook her head. "I feel like I'm breaking my promise to never leave him."

"You're not though, he'd understand, Ana. He's dead and he's isn't coming back he wouldn't want you to hold on to a promise that was made while he was alive, not a promise like that."

"I guess, I just feel like I'm betraying him." Ana admitted

"It'll be okay, I promise. I have good news, you're getting to go home today. Your doctor has cleared you." Grace informed her

"I'm scared." Ana admitted

"Of what dear?"

"What if when I go home, I spiral out of control, or I refuse to let him go again? I can't take all of that again. I can't take all of the emptiness I feel when I'm alone."

"Then you call me and wherever you are or whatever you're doing, I'll come help you. Ana, you can do this, not just for you, but it's what he'd want. "

"Thank you Grace, for all you've done for me."

"Hey, you don't have to thank me. You may not have made it there, but you should have been my daughter in law, I see you as that Ana. And I always will."

"How am I going to live without him?"

"The same way we all have. With time." Grace told her

And in the first time in a year, Ana felt peace. She knew she could do it, she just needed to give it time. She'd never forget him, she'd always love him but it was now time to finally accept he was gone and move on.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for all your reviews. So today Sue, told me that Cole needed to be hit by a bus what do all of you think about that? I hope you enjoy the ending of this chapter, something most of you probably have been waiting for. A fellow Fanfictioner, suggested it and so I thought I would give you guys a bit of a piece of mind. _

Walking into Escala Ana felt her heart flutter yet at the same time break into a million pieces. The apartment was full of so many memories, so much love, pictures of her life with Christian covered the walls. She almost thought he was going to walk through the door at any time. But he didn't. Not that he'd be able to get in. Ana made good on her silent promise to him to change the code to get in after Cole had come here. It felt weird being at Escala without security, Jason, or even Gail. Ana remembered the day she let them all go, just because Ana had his money, didn't mean she wanted to be followed around like a puppy dog, but she did give them all a very generous gift in return

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Ray asked his daughter as they walked into the living area of Escala.

"Yes, I'm moving back in here." Ana told her father in a whisper. She already knew everyone would end up disapproving, but she didn't care. The apartment she had now, felt empty this place though, it was filled with memories, it was filled with love.

"Annie, are you sure that's a good idea?" Ray questioned. She was supposed to be moving forward and only seemed like she was taking a few steps back.

"Daddy, don't give me that look. I know what I'm doing, okay? I'm not moving in here because I refuse to let go, I'm moving in here because I should have never left. It's the only place that I've felt at home. And it's just sitting here collecting dust. I don't have the heart to give it up, yet there's no point in me having two apartments. I have to let one go, and it's not going to be this beauty. " Ana told her father in truth. How could she ever give something filled with so much love away? How could she even give it away, knowing that it wasn't hers to give away?

"I just don't want to see you spiral more out of control, Annie, I love you. You're my little girl I don't want to see you go backwards when you're trying to go forward. "Ray told her as she plopped down on the couch, and clenched the locket she wore around her neck

"Dad, I'm fine, I know that I have a long road ahead of me, I know that it's going to take a while before I can finally move on, but I want to be here, I don't see the problem. I loved him, I'm still in love with him and I don't think that's ever going to go away. I have to move on though, and whether that's today, or tomorrow, or even a year from now, I have to give it a shot."

"With Cole?" Ray questioned, as he took a seat next to Ana and tried to read her expression.

"I don't know, it could be with him. I do care about him. When we were together, although we didn't have what Christian and I had I did feel something for him, nothing that comes close to Christian, and it wasn't love but it was something, if Cole and I ever did rekindle our relationship, it wouldn't be right now. We're just friends. ."

"When we were at the hospital, I had a chance to talk with him, Ana he's not going to give up. He loves you and I don't think you should spend too much time with him."

"Why?"

"I know he's saying he wants to be friends, and while that may be true, Ana there's something off about the guy. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. " Ray admitted to his daughter. After everything she's been through the last thing she needed was some guy making a move on her? What Ray didn't know though, was the move had already been made months ago.

"Dad, I know you're trying to look out for me, but Cole isn't anything you have to be concerned about, he's a great guy. Grace thinks so too."

"I think that you and Grace are letting your grief cloud your judgment. Ana, he might be a good doctor, but as I said, there's just something off about him. I can't put my finger on it but I think for the time being you should put some space between you two."

"Daddy stop, he's my friend and through all of this, he's a big reason that I'm able to get through any of this. He's really been here for me since I finally realized Christian was never coming back. And he didn't get upset when I told him the truth."

"And that didn't seem weird to you?

"Why would it?"

"Ana, if my girlfriend had told me that she was in love with her dead ex, sure I'd be sympathetic, but I would be a little pissed off that she kept it from me. " Ray said, his tone was serious and Ana could see the worry on his face.

"Dad, I love you so much, and I love you're here for me, when I couldn't face mom, but please let this go, you have nothing to worry about with Cole, I promise. Can we just talk about something else?" Ana asked him. The last thing she wanted to do right now was fight with Ray. She knew that was what it was bound to turn into and she didn't have the heart for it. Cole was no threat, and she had no idea why her dad would even suspect that he was.

"Okay, I'll let this go, but only because there's a more important matter I want to discuss with you. Ana, your mother is a tragic mess. I know that you're going through a lot, but you have to talk to her" Ray informed her as he placed a hand on hers.

"I can't." She breathed. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her, she just didn't have the heart to face her after all the horrible things she forced at her.

"She's not mad, she just wants you to know she's here, and more than that, she wants to be here for you, sweetheart, let her be here. Let her pick you up." Ray encouraged. Ana knew he was right, the truth was she needed her mother, she needed her to hold her in her arms, to wipe the tears from her cheeks, to run to her in the middle of the night to soothe her after a nightmare, to make her hot tea in the middle of the night, because she just couldn't sleep. Ana needed it all. She just wasn't sure she could admit it out loud.

"I ... I want to talk to her, but daddy, I'm afraid that I'll lose it like I did last time. She just kept going on and on about how I needed to move on and something inside I just snapped."

"I know, and I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I'd give my life to have Christian back for you, but Ana please don't push her out of your life."

"Since when do you defend mom?" Ana questioned. There was more here than Ray was letting on. Something must have happened between her parents.

"Uh, I'm not… I, Annie just give her a chance, I know you'll do the right thing. "Ray said and then kissed her forehead and left Escala.

Sighing, Ana picked up the phone and dialed her mother's number.

It was dark, the room was small, and there were four walls. Christian had been here for six months and yet it felt like a century. He wanted one thing, Ana. Sitting up on the cot that the person responsible for him being here had given him, Christian lay his head back on the wall and took the only thing he had left of his old life, his picture of Ana. Where was she? Did she think he was gone like _he _had told Christian she did? Christian felt a tear slip down his cheek as he touched Ana's face in the picture. How did he get here, he never even got the chance to hear her answer, he never even knew if she loved him enough to do him the honor of becoming his wife. He just wanted her back. He wanted to feel her touch, to kiss her lips, to make love to her and hear her cry his name. He wanted his life back, but how do you get your life back when no one even knows you're alive?

"I miss you, baby. God, I miss you so much. I'm coming back to you, I don't give a fuck what I have to do, I don't care who I have to fight, but I'll be back for you and I'm going to marry you. I'm sure of it." Christian said into the empty room.

He remembered when he first arrived here, it was six months after waking up from the coma caused by the crash, at first he hadn't even known who he was but a picture he'd found in his beaten up jacket had triggered it all. It just proved, that he and Ana had something that was unbreakable, they had love. And if it killed him, he'd make it back to the only woman he'd ever love. They were it for each other, that much he knew. Christian began to feel hopeful as he sang a song to Ana's picture. If he had to be in this basement, he might as well make the best of it.

_Its been 18 days  
Since I'd look at myself  
I don't wanna have to change  
If I don't then no one will  
Is it my state of mind  
Or is it just everything else  
I don't wanna have to be here  
I don't understand it now_

Cause its been 18 days  
Since I first held you  
But to me it feels just like  
It feels like a lifetime  
I'm trying hard to re-arrange  
Some say its the hardest thing to do  
But that's another 18 days  
Without you..

Time after time  
I've been through this  
You show me what it means to live  
You give me hope when I was hopeless  
As my days fade to night  
I remember that state of mind  
I'm soaring straight into your heart  
And I'll fly high

Cause it's been 18 days  
Since I first held you  
But to me it feels just like  
It feels like a lifetime  
I'm trying hard to re-arrange  
Some say it's the hardest thing to do  
But that's another 18 days  
Without you

And I know what they say  
About all good things  
Will they come to an end?  
But I'll fight this time  
So that we might  
Have a chance at this

Cause it's been 18 days  
Since I'd look at myself  
I don't wanna have to change  
If I don't then no one will

Cause its been too many days  
Since I first held you  
But to me it feels just like  
It feels like a lifetime  
I'm trying hard to re-arrange  
Some say it's the hardest thing to do  
But that's just too many days without you

And I know what they say  
About all good things  
Will they come to an end?  
But I'll fight this time  
So that we might  
Have a chance at this..

_Song- 18 days by saving Abel. _


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Holy feedback, I'm guessing you guys loved the last chapter and its only been up for an hour. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter, but that Christian POV was a one time thing, you probably won't get another for a few chapters, if any. Happy readings! Oh and to the person who said that the music was ruining my story, well last time I checked this was my story, I don't write to please people I write because its what I love to do and music is a huge part in my writing. Kay, rant over. I'm going to apologize in advance I didn't have time to edit this chapter so it's just a pile of crap. I'm so sorry but I wanted to get it out before I had to work. Otherwise I might not get it out at all_

"I'm so glad you called me." Carla told Ana as she arrived to Escala and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

"I'm sorry." Ana said with a sadness to her voice. She just hoped her mother could forgive her for the horrible way she'd treated her.

"Sweetheart, don't apologize to me, I'm the one should be apologizing. I'm sorry, Ana, I never wanted to push you, and I just love you so much and hate seeing you like this. I wanted you to be happy, and I should have handled it better. I should have just gave you time instead of pushing you to someone you don't love. "Carla confessed as she and Ana sat in the living area on the couch Ana loved so much

"Mom, I understand. I've been going through all of this and the truth is it hurts so much. I wanted to make all of you suffer the way I had been. I wanted to make you all suffer for not helping me when I was alone. And that's not me, I hurt you, I hurt you all and I can't tell you how sorry I am, I feel horrible. The thing I never once took into consideration though, is that you know where I'm at. You lost dad, you lost my real father and you loved him just as much as I loved Christian. " Ana told her mother as Carla placed her hand on Ana's cheek

"I loved him so much. You remind me of him, you always put everyone before yourself. Ana, I love you so much and the last thing I want is for you to he unhappy. I know this is hard for you, believe me I get that. When I lost your father, my entire world and when I lost him, I lost a part of myself. "

"How did you get through it?"

"Because I had you, I had a part of him and Ana, every day you remind me of him. And you'll get through this, just as I did. You're stronger than I ever was."

"I'm not, I'm weak, and I'm so weak. I miss him so much mom, it hurts. It hurts so badly. In my head, I know this is what I have to do, I know that a life without Christian is what I have to live. " Ana started, feeling her emotions taking over her as tears poured from her eyes.

"And in your heart?" Carla questioned her. She felt the pain for her daughter, this was the last thing she ever wanted her to experience. She only wanted her happiness but it was so far away.

"My heart tells me to hold on a little bit longer. It's telling me that It's not time to let him go, or to move on. The fact that there's no body mom, it just makes me want to believe that he's not really gone, but at the end of the day we all know he is. If he were alive he would have come back to me. So where do I go from here?"

"I don't know. But wherever it is, I'm going to be with you every step of the way. " Carla informed her.

"Thank you mom, you have no idea how much it means to me to have you and daddy here. I've been in this alone, with the exception of Grace for so long. I've been suffering in a silence that no one else knew about. And it hurts, I thought that maybe if I could keep holding on that maybe I could somehow convince myself that maybe he wasn't really gone. I thought that if I could just pretend that he was still alive that maybe I could get through the rest of my life with someone else because even though he wasn't here with me, it meant he was alive and I could handle that, I could handle not seeing him if it meant his heart was still beating, but what I can't handle is never seeing those grey eyes again, what I can't handle is never feeling his touch, or his kiss, or the way he said my name when he made love. It kills me to know that he's coming back to me. I never told you this, but before he left, before the plane crashed, he asked me to marry him mom. Can you believe that, Christian Grey wanted to marry boring me?"

"He loved you, that was obvious. The way he looked at you, the way he smiled when you were around, the way his whole face lit up when he talked about you, the way he held your hand with pride no matter where he was. He wanted the world to know that he was in love with you, you were so much more than boring to him. You were extraordinary to him. And the two of you had something that most people only dream about finding. " Carla whispered as Ana lay her head on her mother's lap.

"I just want him back. I know I have to start moving forward, and I am but I wish I could have him back. "

"I know. And if you want to cry, that's okay. Ana is going to get worse before it gets better. I promise I won't leave you until you begin to heal." Carla told her and Ana closed her eyes in comfort. It was nice to finally have people who were there for her.

"So how are you doing?" Flynn asked Ana, they were in the library at Escala. It had been three months since her mother had forgiven her, and Ana was finally beginning to live. She went back to work, she was not only working at SIP but she still had to make time for Grey enterprises as she was still the one who made the final decisions there. She still felt sadness consume her every time she saw Ros.

"I'm okay. I guess. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Flynn told her with a smile

"Is it normal if I feel sadness and anger every time I see her?" Ana questioned. She liked Ros, she had no problem with her. Ana still felt it unfair that she lived, and Christian died.

"Who Ros? Ana, that's very normal. Christian and Ros were both on that plane, and Ros made it out, without any explanation. You feel wronged, you feel she got her life back after the crash and they couldn't even find as much as a body from Christian. You feel confused, Ana and that's okay. Ros isn't to blame here though, you have to remember that." Flynn told her, as he took notes on a notepad

"I don't blame her, and I bet she probably is going through a hell of her own, it wasn't just Christian who was on that plane."

"Ana, we'll know why this happened, and we'll never understand why this had to happened, but the important thing now, is that you're moving on. Your mother told me that you've been getting closer to Cole, you've finally been able to live with Christian being gone and now you're healing. And that's big step from where you were three months ago, Ana."

"Cole's really been there for me. He came to Escala last week, on my birthday. He brought me flowers and he bought me this beautiful diamond bracelet. I begged him to take it back, but he wouldn't. It's so beautiful. He took me out to dinner, and he was amazing, I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a great friend."

"I hate to bring this up, I know you're still grieving for Christian, but Cole, do you think the two of you could progress into more."

Ana shrugged. "I don't know. I care about him, maybe a little more than friendship, but I don't think he sees me in that way anymore. At least he hasn't mentioned it." Ana said

"I'm sure, Cole just doesn't want to overwhelm you. He's a good man, Ana. And Christian would want you to be happy. Now I'm not going to push you to him, you only decide to go there, when it's right for you. Not anyone else. Only you can do that. " Flynn explained and just as he looked at his watch. Time was up "Now I'll be back next week, but you know if you need anything I'm here."

"Thank you John."

"There's one more thing though, how is it, having security, Taylor and Gail back? I know you said you weren't sure if they'd forgive you for ever letting them go, so how did it turn out.?"

"It's amazing they came back with opening arms. It's great to have the people who were so important to him so close to me. Gail has been there for me, she in a way could be my best friend. she listens to me when I'm falling apart and that means more to me than anything in the world."

"I'm happy to hear that. Christian would want you to have them around. I was so shocked when you told me you let them go after he died. It's great to see that you're making a progress, I'm so proud of you, Ana, and he would be too."

"I hope he would be. I hope that wherever he is, he knows peace. Grace says he's in a better place, and I pray to God that's true. "

"Knowing Christian, I'll say he's probably close to you. Watching over you. You were his life, Ana. The moment he met you, he was done. The subs, the sex, the no feelings, the control, it didn't matter anymore, he wanted you, and not as a sub. He wanted you for you, he wanted more. You were the best thing that could have ever walked into his life."

Ana laughed "More like stumbled."

"You two were good for each other, and I hope that you carry him in your heart for the rest of your life. And know that you had the taste of a love so great. You had a connection with a man who closed himself off, he opened up, he changed all because of you and that's something to cherish."

"I'll always cherish his memory." Ana told him in truth as they went downstairs but when they made it to the foyer, Ana stopped in her tracks. A face she thought she'd never see again stood before her. A face she hated with a passion. A face she wanted to smack, and rip every last strand of hair out of her pretty little head.

"Well you look well, Anastasia." The voice said

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" She demanded as Flynn exited the room

"Well I came to see you, of course, I heard the news that you had a breakdown, wanted to check on you."

"Get out Elena." Ana chided. This was the very last thing that she needed right now. She and Elena no longer had any reasons to see each other


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: I just want to say thank you guys so much for all your love and support. There seems to be this one girl who keeps not only reviewing but PMing me to point out all my mistakes but it's the love of all of you that makes me laugh at it. She thought she would take time out of her day, to inform me that Charlie Tango is a Helicopter not a plane. Well, I made a mistake so Sue me! Anyways you guys rock I love you all. And I know you all want him back, and I know it feels like its taking forever but if you just bear with me I PROMISE all your pain with be worth it. It's a long road, but I promise it'll be worth it. I won't rush my story, not for anyone. But I'm not going to drag it on and on, I promise its not going to be like ten more chapters before he comes back, but he's not just going to pop up. Now I'm sorry about the delay, my intention was to update last night but my internet went out on me. But hey, I guess that made for a longer chapter right? _

Christian opened his eyes to the beaming light that shined through the small window in the basement. He remembered waking up, remembering and finally realizing what was going on here. Trying to escape, only to find that not only was he not strong enough, but the window had been locked from the outside, he was trapped. He knew no matter how hard he tried, how many times he pounded on the window, there was no way out, he presumed he was in a lake house considering the only thing he saw outside of his window were plenty of trees and a lake. It seemed to appear that there wasn't anything for miles. He didn't even know where he was, although if he was willing to bet his entire fortune, he'd bet it was still in Seattle, he knew his kidnapper, and well he never was a bright man. What Christian did know though was that he wanted to get back to his Ana. She was probably going crazy wondering where he was, he just wanted to hold her in his arms as he did so many times before. He needed her, and he was willing to bet she needed him too. Ana was the only thing that kept him going each and every day. She was the reason he still wore a smile on his face as he looked down at her smiling face. And no matter what it took, he'd find a way back to her.

"It's really a shame that you're not going to eat that." A voice broke in distracting Christian from his thoughts of Ana. The man pointed to a tray that sat on his Christian's cot. It contained of cheese sticks and French fries.

"I'm not hungry." Christian scowled at him. Before Ana, Christian had been a ruthless man, no doubt but he'd never felt so much hatred for anyone as he did when he looked at the man that stood before him. He felt the fire and anger burn in his blood as she pulled a chair in front of the cot and sat. He had a smile on his face as his eyes stared into Christian's soul

"Well, you know what your doctor said, you need to keep your strength, Grey. "

"Fuck off." Christian chided. He could keep him captive all he wanted, but he wouldn't intimidate him, hell Christian was a business man, he destroyed men like the one in front of him, and he silently vowed to do just that when he made his way back home.

"Now, is that any way to talk to someone who's got your life in his hands? " The man asked him with a smirk that made Christian want to smack the living day lights out of him.

Christian ignored him. He asked himself, what would Ana do? And the truth was Ana would be strong, she wouldn't let him antagonize her, and she'd keep her cool and make it back to Christian, just as Christian was going to do for her. He owed her that, he loved her with every fiber in his being and that said something about him. He was going to make his way back to her, if it killed him.

"Cat got your tongue?" He questioned as Christian just traced the scar on his forehead that he received from the crash.

"I'm tired, can I sleep now, or are you going to deprive me of that like you have my entire life.

"More power to you, I have some plans to be worked out, anyways." The man said then exited the basement making sure that he locked the door behind him.

In that moment, Christian knew he had to make an escape, it was all he could do, and he had to get back home to Ana. He missed her. And without her, his was empty.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ana snapped at Elena who seeming to be beaming in joy

"I came to check on you, dear."

"Get out. God how the fuck did you even get in here? I changed the fucking code." Ana shouted.

"Your security let me in, you do realize you have new guys right, other than Sawyer and Jason? Of course when I told them I was just a friend, they weren't going to question it. "Elena smiled

"Get out."

"I'm not going anywhere until you and I have talk. Do you have any idea what you've done? I didn't say anything a year ago, because I needed to get away, but I'm back now and now I'm out for blood, yours. Christian would still be alive it wasn't for you." Elena told in Ana.

Ana laughed. A year and three months later, yet Elena was still causing problems, clearly she was the crazy one, not Ana.

"You know what, you need to shut the hell up. First of Christian and I were in love, second, he chose me over you and lastly, he got on Charlie Tango, for business, not for me. That wasn't my fault, I didn't do this to him and you know what else, you need to get a life because you're half my age and yet you're standing here lecturing me about a man that never loved you." Ana snapped. Elena, while she did have sex with Christian, that's all it was. It had never been love between them, and that Ana knew for a fact.

"You didn't know him, not the real him."

"You're wrong, don't you get it Elena, he didn't love you. " Ana told her stepping closer "He loved me. You slept with him, that's no secret, but you didn't know the feel of his touch when he loved you, or the way his eyes beamed when you walked into a room, you didn't see his comfort when you were able to touch him in places he never let anyone else, you didn't see him when he reached his climax after making love to you for hours and it still was never enough. He said my name, not yours, he loved me. And you were, you were nothing, he didn't even leave you a dime of his will, did he? " Ana questioned, a year ago she'd hated this woman but now she just pitied her. She didn't even feel threatened. She knew that Christian loved her, she was confident of that. No one could change that

"You think just because he was with you that he loved you, how delusional are you?"

"If he don't love me then why did he ask me to marry him the night before the crash?" Ana asked Elena who now had a hurt expression on her face.

"That's not true. " Elena whispered, but deep down she knew it was. She knew from several conversations with Christian and Grace just how serious he'd been about Ana

"It is. And you can believe me or not, the fact is, I don't care. I really just now want you to get the hell out of my house and if you ever come near it again, I swear to God I will rip every single, last strand of your blonde hair out of your selfish head. " Ana threatened, she wasn't sure where the anger was coming from, but she didn't care that Elena was on the receiving end of it either.

"You better watch yourself, girl." Elena laughed. She hadn't realized just how strong Ana had got, maybe the time from Christian had made her stronger after all.

"Is something wrong?" Taylor's voice surfaced in the room

"Yes why did the guys let her in, Taylor?" Ana asked, she wasn't angry but she was upset that Elena was able to get through.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Steele, it won't happen again. They didn't know who she was, we'll have to go over the list on who can and can't. Would you like me to escort Mrs. Lincoln out?"

"No, I'd like you to throw her out on her ass." Ana snipped "Where's Gail?"

"She's just getting dressed, she's going to be down here to cook in just a little bit, is there anything you need?"

"I'm just going to go lay down for a while, can you tell her that she doesn't have to cook, I'm not feeling well. " Ana informed Taylor, but it wasn't true, the truth was she just needed to relax, to rid her mind of Elena. As she turned to Elena, she stared at the woman with an ice cold look before she began to speak " If you ever try to come back here again, you'll regret it. I'm not that scared girl I was before, I'll take you down without blinking. Now get the hell out of my house. "

Elena threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay, I'm going, but you'll regret it. You know, he's still alive. I came here to tell you that, maybe even help you get him back. Not anymore though. "

All the anger, pain, and hurt that Ana had carried for the past year and three months finally paid off when Ana felt her hand connect with Elena's face. She was done listening to this woman try to get to her. She knew that Elena hated her, she knew that better than anyone. Ana knew how just cold hearted this woman could be, but never in her life hadn't she expected the words that Christian was still alive to come out of her mouth. How could she hate Ana that much that she would use Christian's death against her. Ana, more than anyone had the hardest time dealing with his death. Everyone else began to heal within the year, and Ana was just now starting to heal. One thing was all it took for her to spiral back. And that was exactly what Elena wanted.

"How could you say that? I don't care how much you hate me, or even how much you think Christian deserved better, how could you ever tell me that he was still alive when the reality is that he's gone?" Ana questioned Elena's motives

"I think its best you leave. " Taylor's voice cut in, and getting in middle of the two women.

"I'm not lying, he's alive. You're trying to waste your time moving on, but he's closer than you think."

"I've heard enough, Taylor, please just get her out of here." Ana begged, feeling her tears fall from her eyes. And then Taylor dragged an unwilling Elena out of Escala. She made a mental note to yell at her security for ever letting her in.

"Ana?" Gail's voice surfaced in the room behind her.

"Oh, hi Gail." Ana said, immediately wiping her tears as she made her way to the breakfast bar to sit while Gail started on dinner

"I heard what she said, are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you? I'm going to make you some tea." She said, grabbing the tea pot and filling it up with water

"I'm fine, I guess. Actually I'm not. How could she say that, no matter how she felt about me, how could she tell me that Christian is alive? I know she hates me, but how could she use that against me?"

"Don't mind her, she just wants someone to blame and that's you." Gail reasoned with Ana but she could see it just wasn't working. "Why don't you go rest for a bit and I'll come get you when dinner is finished. Okay?"

Ana nodded and left the room. Instead of going to rest though, she locked herself with Christian's clothes and sobbed.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews and kind words. When I set out to write this story, I was never looking for followers, and I still don't write for them but I'm so happy to have them. You have no I idea what it means to hear things like "You're such a talented writer, your story is amazing, I feel all the emotions of what you write" Things like that makes me beyond happy. I don't ever write for fame, or to get readers but I'm so thankful to have them. So I just felt like I owed you a huge thing, if I could hug each and every one of you JUST BECAUSE you read my story, I would. Heck, even the haters because it means they still read it. __ You all rock and I'm forever grateful for all of you. ! Seeing all the talk of my story on Facebook, its so unbelievable but I am thankful. If people go crazy over this story maybe there's hope that I'll make it as a writer, after all. Happy readings!_

"I'm sorry that I had to bail on you yesterday, I had important patient matters to attend to. " Cole told Ana as they sat across from each other at a diner. It had been three weeks since Elena showed up, and she hadn't heard anything since. After that night, she ran straight to Cole who stood with open arms as he tried comforting her. And as each day passed, they only got closer. Ana began to sort of feel closer to him than she was anyone else.

"It's okay, Cole. I understand. I'm not the center of your world, you know." Ana told him, she didn't want him to feel bad. He was a doctor and sometimes that involves him to back out on their plans.

"Anyways, how are you doing? Is Elena still bothering you any? " Cole asked her out of what she presumed was concern. He had really been Ana's support through everything, she couldn't exactly turn to Grace with this, Grace hadn't known that Elena and Christian ever had an affair, and Ana wasn't about to change Grace's image of her son, no matter how she felt about her, Ana was better than that.

"I'm better, I've accepted the fact that it's who she is. And I'm moving on, I can't bring him back, but I can move on like he'd want me to." Ana told Cole with a smile. And moving on was exactly what she was ready for.

"I'm glad to hear that. " Cole told her as he put his hand on hers, but she didn't pull away, she only smiled at the gesture. Over the past few weeks, things with Cole and her had progressed, they'd changed. It was nothing like what she once had with Christian but it was nice.

"Me too, "Ana told him in honesty. Cole had been her best friend for the past few weeks, he'd really stepped up for her, and she couldn't thank him enough. After the way she'd treated him, after everything he was still by her side.

"Ana, I'm really glad you're doing better. And I know we're just friends, but the fact that you're accepting that Christian isn't coming back, it makes me happy. Not because I want him to be gone, but because it means you can finally live your life without holding on to false hope. " Cole said to her as he put a one hundred dollar bill on the table to pay their tab.

"You're leaving a one hundred dollar bill?"

"I am. Ana, I've learned with all the money I make to always be generous, I may not be a billionaire like Christian was, but I do make enough money to get through life without struggling. "

"I wasn't trying to speculate that you couldn't afford it, it's just not many people do that, not even the rich. " Ana defended as she and Cole walked out of the restaurant

"I know, Ana and it's fine. Where to now?"

"I think I should go home, I have to get up early to meet with Ros, and we have to finalize some plans for Grey enterprises. " She responded. She dreaded it. Anytime she went there, Christian was all around, and she always felt like sooner or later, she'd end up letting him down, that she'd screw something up and his whole company, everything he worked so hard for would come crashing down.

"I'll drop you off then." Cole told her in disappointment. He didn't want to let her out of his sight quite yet. He wanted to run something by her, but maybe tonight just wasn't the night.

"Okay." Ana said

They stood outside of Escala as Ana and Cole finished their night. She looked up at the stars and took all her emotions in. It was beautiful outside, and it made her think that Christian was close by, he may be gone, but his spirit was still around, right?

"You look beautiful, " Cole commented as he stared at Ana, who was watching the stars

She looked away from the sky to look up at him, and she was shocked. They'd agreed to be friends months ago, yet here he was telling her she looked beautiful, wasn't that a bit much?

"Thank you Cole." She said as he took a step closer "What are you doing?"

"Ana, I know we're just supposed to be friend, but God, have I missed you. I don't want to make this hard for you, but I'm still in love with you. You said so yourself that you're ready to move on, do you think that could be with me?" He questioned her feeling as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Cole, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready quite yet. I care about you,… "

Cole cut her off. "Tell me something, do you feel for me, more than just your friend?"

Ana couldn't deny that. They'd gotten so close that it was indeed more than just a simple friendship. "Yes."

"Do you enjoy spending time with me?"

"Yes."

"Do you get happy when you see me?"

"Yes, but.."

Cole never let her finish. He took that moment to put his lips on hers and she never pushed him away.

When they finally did come apart though, Cole gently placed his hand on her cheek." You don't have to give me an answer to night, Ana. I love you, and I want to be with you. And I think that you want it to, you're just afraid that you'll get hurt, Christian died, and he left you not by choice of course, but it still happened. I won't leave you though, I'll never ever leave you. Don't shut us out because you're afraid to let someone in, we can shine, we can have it all, all you have to do is say yes." Cole preached to her under the midnight stars and moonlight. As he looked in her eyes he could see her confusion. And he wasn't going to push her into this. If she said yes, it had to be her choice.

"Can I think about it? " Ana asked, feeling tears in her eyes. She was confused as hell and had nowhere to turn. Did she feel for Cole? Yes. The thing was though, she was also still in love with Christian, how could she ever move on without feeling like she was cheating on him? She knew this was something she should probably discuss with Flynn before ever making a final decision. She needed insight on whether it would be a mistake or not.

"Of course, I won't call, or text, or even contact you in any way until you let me know where we stand. And if you never reach out to me, then I'll understand. But just know that I do in fact love you." Cole told her with glee beaming in his hazel eyes. "I have to go through, goodnight, Ana."

"Goodnight, Cole. " Ana said and then she parted ways with him and went.

"Ana? You're home late." Taylor commented, scaring Ana as she made her way to living area of Escala

"Sorry, I was just out.. With Cole." She admitted, immediately feeling guilty over the kiss.

"I know, I saw the kiss." Taylor told her in a whisper, the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel like he was spying on her, because in reality he'd never do that to her, no matter how loyal he'd been to Christian.

"I, I didn't. It wasn't…. " Ana started to defend herself but Taylor put a hand up.

"You don't need to explain yourself to me, Ana. You're a grown woman, you're twenty three years old. I am concerned though, how much do you really know about Cole?" Taylor questioned her. After the talk he'd had with Elena, it seemed like everyone was now a suspect to the confusion that was floating in the airs, so if Taylor didn't know them personally, he was going to question them.

"What do you mean? He's great, Taylor and he's really been here for me." Ana said to Taylor, repeating the words she'd said to her father when he informed her that he didn't trust Cole either

"Ana, the last thing that I want to do is upset you, but as you've rehired me, my duty is to protect you from all danger, and more than that you're family, as was Christian and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're not hurt, physically or emotionally. " Taylor responded. He meant every word. Although when he first met her, he never expected to see her around for more than a few months, Ana was now someone he carried very close to his heart. And with everything he had, even if it killed him, he vowed to protect her, not only for her sake but for Christian.

"I know, Taylor, and I'm so thankful to have you here in my life, in my home. I am thankful that I've met you, and Gail. The moment I met all of you, I knew that I'd found a family in you. Which is something I've always wanted, I've only ever had my mom and dad, and honestly my mom is still growing up in a way, and my dad is just a man of few words. It's great to have people who can be yourself around, people that will be there for you until the end of time and I feel like I have that with all of you. I owe Christian everything. " Ana carried on, thinking of everything he'd done for her. Her life was forever changed the moment she laid eyes on Christian.

"We love you, Ana and that's what family does. The last thing I want to is make you feel like I'm judging you, because I'm not. If moving on is what you're ready to do, then I'm going to back you up one hundred percent, I'm just asking you to be careful. Don't let Cole into your life too easily, okay?"

Ana only nodded, not able to find her words. Ray and Taylor both, was she blind? Cole was an amazing man, he'd given her so much why everyone seemed to think there was something off with him was beyond her. He'd taken care of her that night at the grave, he'd picked her up when she was down, what was there was hate?

"Ana, I'm here for you, if you need anything. Whether it's a background check, a person to drive you around, or just a friend. I miss him too and he'd want you to be happy. I can see the confusion in your eyes, and if you do decide to proceed with Cole, know that you're not betraying him. He'd want you to be happy. " Taylor commented, taking Ana's hand as a way to comfort her

"I feel like I'm cheating on him."

"I know, but you're not. You can't sit here and play with your hair all day, you have to get back to your life, and unfortunately that means knowing that Christian is gone, and finding someone else to share your life with. And whether that's today, or three years from now, just now I'm here every step of the way."

"Do you think I'll ever be able to wake up and not wish he was going to be there?" Ana wondered out loud

"Honestly, no. I believe that you love him, more than you ever imagined you could. I think that everyday you wake, you're going to want him to be the one who wraps his arms around you, but with that being said with time it'll ease."

"I guess you're right, Jason. Thank you for everything. And thank you for being here, it makes it feel home again." Ana confessed

"Thank you for having us. Go get some sleep." He told her .

She nodded and disappeared into her bedroom. But when she woke the next morning, she wish she would have never went to sleep, She dreamt of Christian, she dreamt of him still being alive and woke up to the harsh reality of him being gone forever.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for all your support and love of this story, I know I say this everytime but I'm just so grateful. I love you guys. Enjoy._

Ana sat staring out into Seattle from the windows of Escala. She remembered the first time she'd ever been here, it was before she realized exactly who and what Christian Grey was. That night she'd thought Christian would have dinner with her, and they'd end up making love, boy was she wrong. It was the night she realized he was into BDSM. She laughed at the memory. It scared the hell out of her at first, she remembered that, but she wanted Christian and if that meant getting him in a way that she'd never he imagined, she was going to do it. She knew that even though he wasn't here anymore, she always have those memories to cherish, and she would forever. She couldn't sit around and wait for something that would never come. It had been a week since Cole had offered her more than friendship, he promised not to call her and he made good on that promise, but she missed him. Ana knew what her decision was now, she'd called earlier in the evening but she only got his voicemail, so she left a message. Still, she heard nothing from him, so she assumed that he'd already moved on.

"You enjoying the view?" A voice came from behind her? Turning around, she was faced with Cole. He was wearing a White T-shirt and blue jeans and in his hand, he held a dozen roses and choclates

"Hey!" Ana exclaimed as she ran into his arms, and swiftly put his arms around her after placing the flowers on the breakfast bar.

"I've missed you so much." He breathed into her hair, closing his eyes in relief

"I've missed you too, we have to talk Cole."

"I know I should have called you back before coming back here, but I just, I was afraid of what you'd say and I can understand if you tell me this is the last time you want to see me, I can understand if you say you're not ready, but I just hoped and that's why I brought the flowers. "

"Shh. I chose you, Cole. I want to be with you, I want to try. I'll always love him, but I want to build a relationship with you." She told him right before planting a kiss on his lips.

Cole pulled away instantly not entirely sure what to make of it. Did he want this? No doubt, but he had to make sure she wanted it just as much, otherwise it wouldn't ever work.

"I need to know this is what you really want, Ana. If you want me, then we can get right back to where we were a second ago. However, if you're only doing this because you don't want to hurt me, or because you just don't want to be alone, I need you to walk away." Cole informed Ana in a whisper afraid of her next words. He couldn't bear to face her, so turning around so he wasn't facing her, she waited for an answer. The words were never spoken though. Instead, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to face her, and put his face between her hands.

"Cole, I _want _this, I want you. I'm ready for this. Don't walk away. We can make this work, I know you want to. You were right about everything you said, I feel something for you, and the truth is I was scared. Christian, he was the love of my life and he'll always be a part of me, but he's gone and he'd want me to be happy, you make me happy. Don't give up." Ana begged him as she stared deep into his eyes

"This isn't going to be easy."

"What in life is? Easy doesn't get you what you always hope for, Cole, usually it's the things that are most difficult in this life that you end up thanking for." Ana replied to him in truth. The hardest things in life were the most amazing things.

"God, I love you." Cole told her and then pulled her into yet another kiss, but as she remembered where she was, she pulled away

"Cole, I can't do this."

"What do you mean? You just said… " Cole started as he began to feel rejected

"I'm with you, but I can't kiss you here, and you should have just called me, we can't do this to here, this was his home, our home. We shared so much here, its where we built our love story, and it would be wrong to be with another man here, I can't do that, I won't do that to him. Moving on, or not, it's wrong to kiss another man in his home." Ana explained, instantly feeling guilty for ever kissing Cole here in the first place. This was never her home to begin with, it was Christian's, it only became home when things with Leila spiraled out of control, and Ana just sort of never went back to Kate.

"I understand, come home with me, Ana, be with be tonight, you've just told me that you want to be with me, I'm letting you go tonight. " Cole said, forming a grip on her arm.

"Okay, give me a minute, I need to pack some clothes. " Ana informed him just as Taylor came in the room

"Ana, Gail would like to know if you want some dinner." Taylor spoke, it was Saturday, so she had the day off, but as always she made sure Ana was always taken care of.

"No, I'm okay, Taylor, I'm not going to be home tonight, I'll be with Cole." She told him, and tried to read his face the moment she said the words, but she found nothing indicating that Taylor was upset by this news.

"Oh, you're taking security, right?"

"I wasn't planning on it. " Ana confessed, she hadn't even thought about bringing them along, where would they stay all night?

"Ana, I have to advise against this if you're not going to bring security. You know how it was for Christian, don't make the mistake of not having enough security around." Taylor said vaguely, so Cole wouldn't catch on, but Ana knew exactly what he was talking about. Christian had been a billionaire as she was now, and he had a lot that came with it.

"No one knows though." Ana fought back.

"You don't know that, Ana. Just because the files aren't exposed to the world, doesn't meant people didn't get a hold of them, and you know better than anyone that people assume. I didn't say anything before because you were grieving but you need security. At all times. " Taylor told her in truth, the last thing he wanted was to make her feel like child, but her inheriting all of Christian's money, well it was a huge deal, not just to her but to the world.

"Okay, I'll take Sawyer, you and Gail spend some time together." Ana encouraged. She smiled thinking back to when she had them moved back in and Gail confided in her that she and Taylor were a couple

"Of course, I want to drive you though, to make sure you get there safe."

"I'll have Sawyer, " She tried to reason with him, but Taylor wasn't budging. In a way, he reminded her of Christian.

"Okay. I'll be ready in a few minutes, I just have some things I need to get from my room." Ana lied, while she did have things to get that wasn't at all her purpose for going back into the bedroom.

As she vanished Taylor stood tall and firm as he turned to Cole. It was time that they two of them finally had a little chat.

"You take of that girl." Taylor threatened

"I will, I love her." Cole defended, but something about the way he said it, rubbed Taylor the wrong way, but he knew that if he said too much Ana would be upset , so instead he was going to threaten him into fear.

"Ana may buy this whole act, but I don't. There's something about you that I just don't trust. Ana, well she's very important to me and I'm going to spend my life making sure that no harm comes to her." Taylor started as Cole stared up at him.

"Look, I love her, and that's all that matters right? I'd never in a million years do anything that would bring her harm."

"I don't trust your words, and in the past I've learned that my instincts are pretty fucking great. So let me make this clear, if you do anything that causes that girl harm after everything she's been through, I will hunt you down to your end, and when you least expect it I will rip your heart out and watch you bleed. She deserves the best, and the best and so if you so much as to hurt her feelings, you'll have me to deal with. I've got my eye on you."

"I know that you're concerned for her, and she's glad to have you, but I'm no threat, Jason."

"You call me Taylor, boy. I don't like you, you have no right for my first name." Taylor chided at Cole, sending him to step back. "Tell Ana, I'll be waiting in the car, don't you hurt her, and you keep this conversation in mind." Taylor told him and then left the room, leaving Cole to stand in his fear.

"I'm spending the night with Cole, and I just thought I should tell you." Ana said as she held a picture of Christian. A part of me feels like I'm betraying me, and that's the very last thing I want to do, but the a part, the sane part know that I have to live without you, and Cole makes me happy, he'll never be you, but he's a good man. And I think that maybe I could fall in love with him. Not like the love you and I had, nothing will ever compare to that, but I have to try with him. I'll never know what we'll be if I don't. I love you Christian, but right now It has to be the kind of love that let's go. You'll forever be in my heart, and if you're somehow watching down on me, I hope you can understand. I'd give anything to have you back, but you're not coming home, and I can't spend the rest of my life in a living hell. I love you. " She told him then placed the picture back on the dresser.

"Everyday that we had all the good all the bad, I'll keep them here inside All the times that we shared every place everywhere You touched my life Yeah one day we'll look back we'll smile and we'll laugh But

right now we just cry Cause it's so hard to say goodbye Yesterday's gone we gotta keep moving on I'm so thankful for the moments so glad I got to know ya The times that we had I'll keep like a photograph And hold you in my heart forever I'll always remember you" Ana quoted a song as she stood in the middle of the room and took in everything that was about to happen. It was a bittersweet feeling but she knew that this was the final step of letting go, it was time to finally move on with her life, the one she'd have with Cole. He made her happy, and that's all that mattered anymore, she would no longer live in the past. Cole would never be Christian, he'd never compare to the love they one have, but Ana knew that she wanted to be with him, she wanted to try and if it didn't work out, at least she could say she tried. And that said more about her than anything, right? Taking one last breath, she grabbed her duffle bag off the bed and met Cole who was standing with glee in his eyes as he stared at her.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She responded, just as he put his arm around her and led her out of her past.

_Song: I'll always remember you by Miley Cyrus_

_I'm not usually a Miley fan, but I do love that song. _


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: I just love how passionate you all are about this story, especially with your hate on Cole, saying you want to hit him with a bus, it's all beyond me. You guys rock. I love it. Enjoy this next chapter. And as always thank you for your love and support of this story. _

"Wake up sleepyhead." Cole said, leaving trails of kisses down her bare shoulder. She still had her tank top on from the previous night, but she hated how it gave him access to her shoulder. She did want to be with him, but she was far from ready from having sex with him again.

"What time is it?" She breathed in confusion

"Nine thirty, " Cole told her, as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder to take in the moment.

"I should get to work."

"It's Sunday." He responded, leaving her to feel like an idiot

"Right, sorry I forgot. " Ana said, shifting so that she faced Cole, and gently brought her lips to his.

"I like this, it feels right." Cole murmured against her lips.

"It feels more than right, Cole thank you, for everything you've done for me. Standing by me through this all, being here when I hurt you so badly. I can't tell you just how much that meant to me. You're my miracle. " Ana confided in him, she was purely grateful for everything he'd for her. And if she lived a thousand years, she'd never know how to repay him.

"Ana, please, don't thank me. I was there for you because I wanted to be, not because I had to. I know I've said this a million times and I don't expect you to say it back, it's going to take time, but I love you and that's the reason I can be here, with you even though you were in love with another man, I wanted to help you, baby, I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to hold you while you cried, listen to you while you talked, wipe your tears away, I wanted it all and I still do. I love you beyond what word can say and that will never change." Cole confessed in a low voice in hopes that it wouldn't scare her off.

"I care about you too, Cole, you're a wonderful man and I'm so lucky to have you here with me. "

"Enough talking." Cole demanded, and rolled on top of her and began to trail kisses down her neck.

She kissed him back at first, feeling just as heated as he was, but as he began to slide his fingers up her shirt, she instantly felt all her emotions surface. She couldn't do this. She wasn't ready. She couldn't do this, not yet.

"Cole, please stop." She begged him as he felt his way to her breasts, but the minute she asked, he pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He asked, bringing his eyebrows together in confusion.

"I can't do this, I'm not ready, I know we've had sex before, when we were together before, but Cole right now I'm just not ready go back there. I'm so sorry." She cried, feeling horrible about what she was doing to him, she scooted from under him and sat on the edge of the bed, putting as much distance between the two of them as she possibly could.

"Hey, stop Ana. I understand, you have no reason to be upset. I get it, and I'm not angry, I just want you to be honest with me. You don't have to ever feel like you have to be sorry for something you're not ready to do. I totally understand. " Cole informed her forming a grip on her shoulder, so she'd turn to face him

"Are you sure? You're not angry? "She questioned, wondering how he could possibly be okay with her not wanting sex, it was important in any relationship, wasn't it?

"I'm not, not in the slightest bit. I learned at a very young age that when you love someone, you put their needs before your own and Ana, It's clear that you're upset, and I would never want to feel like I was forcing you into this. Don't be upset for not wanting to have sex, we have plenty of time for that, don't think I'll be mad because of this. Why don't you get dressed, and shower, and I'll go make you some breakfast. " Cole suggested . All he wanted was to take care of her, and it seemed he was failing at that in every way.

"Okay. " She sniffled, as she felt Cole place a kiss upon her forehead and vanish from the room.

It didn't take her long to shower and dress but when she did she felt better. She had no idea what caused her to break down the way she did, but she knew that she needed to stop being one foot in and one foot out, it wasn't fair, not to her or Cole. He deserved more, he deserved her all and that's exactly what she was going to give him. She owed him that. God, she was just a horrible person, and even more of a horrible girlfriend. She should just walk away and let him be happy, right? Sighting Ana went to the bed and collapsed, she just needed time to think about what was next. Every time she thought she was going to be okay, she'd get a setback and right now is what almost sex with Cole.

"You okay?" Cole's voice came through the room

"I'm fine, listen, maybe I should go home, I love being here with you, but it's clear that I wasn't ready to spend the night yet. I'm so sorry." She apologized yet again for how she was acting.

"You need to apologize for how you feel, and I'm not going to let you feel bad about something that is very understandable." Cole told her with confidence. Why would he let her? She didn't want to sleep with him that was fine, he wasn't' going to push her to do. If it happened, it needed to be mutual on both parts.

"I know. I just feel like I keep going back and forth one minute I'm all in this, ready to be with you and then I just step back. And I don't mean to but I feel really badly when I do. I care about you Cole, I do want to be with you, I'm just going to need you to bear with me." Ana responded, as he placed a hand over top of hers.

"I'll do whatever you needed me to do, I promise. I'll wait for you as long as I have to, you mean so much to me and I'll forever be here for you. I'm not going to let you go just because of one small thing. "

"Thank you Cole. " Ana smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

"Don't thank me. I made you an omelet, I have to shower, and then we'll figure out what to do the rest of the day, so go eat up." Cole told her and then he vanished into his bathroom. Ana knew she wasn't hungry so rather than go eat, she decided to tidy up for Cole.

She made the bed, straightened the chair to his desk, and when she found a basket of his clothes, she figured he would appreciate her helping him by putting them away. The truth was, she just needed something to do.

The minute she opened his top drawer though, she regretted it. She pulled out a box. Something familiar that she thought she'd never see again. And when she opened it, she knew exactly what it was. It was the box she'd given Christian for his birthday after he asked her to marry him. The box that had given her to him forever.

Christian made it to his one hundred push up before the door to the basement opened. God, did he hate this, he just wanted to be home with his Ana. What was she doing now? Had she moved on? God, he hoped not. She belonged to him. No one else could have her. He worried so much for her and the truth was he just needed to find his way back to her.

"Blowing off some steam?" The dark haired man asked, his brown eyes filled with glee that only made Christian want to deck him as he'd done to him so many times

"What the hell are you doing down here? Come to torture me some more?"

"Oh, Christian, you've got a smart mouth on you." The man told him with a self-righteous smirk

"I'm sure I do."

"I never did like you. Your mother, she loved you, despite everything but I for one, I never liked you. You were a bastard child, I'd hoped that once Ella ended your life, that maybe you wouldn't survive either, hell it never occurred to me that you'd become one of the richest men in the world."

"Funny how that works out, huh? If it's money you want, you can forget it. I'd rather spend the rest of my life down here in this basement then ever give you a dime of my money. Do you get that? Just killed me, Michael, do whatever you have to do but you won't see a dime."

"I don't want your money, I want you to suffer." He said

Christian just stared at him, what could he possibly gain by making him suffer? They hadn't come in cross with each other since he was a child, now all of a sudden he wants vengeance against him, but for what? He could live the rest of his life, but never know. As he stared into the eyes of his mother's pimp, Christian began to wonder what was going through his mind.

"I have to run out now, but this lady is going to take nice and good care of you. " Michael said just as a figure walked in. Elena.

Michael vanished from the room, and left the two alone, Christian felt all the blood in his body begin to boil. Elena? She was a part of this? How could she do this to him, they were friends?

"Now don't you go assuming anything, I'm on your side." She explained with soft eyes

"Really? Because from where I'm standing I'd say you're on theirs." He fought back at her, he'd never felt a betrayed at anyone as he did in this moment.

"Christian, I'm on your side. Listen to me, Michael isn't the only one involved. Of course you know that you've seen the other man. But the thing you don't know, is Linc is involved. When he told me his plan, I knew I had to go along with not because I want you here, or away from Ana, because I want to help you. I'm going to get you out here, I promise. Taylor knows. There is always someone here though, she we're just working out your rescue. He's decided not to involve the cops, apparently Michael has people on the inside, so you just have to hold on longer."

"Linc? Why is he doing this? Because our affair?"

Elena nodded.

"That was years ago, I was a messed up kid. God, he could have beat the hell out of me, not steal my life from me. " Christian almost yelled in rage. He was angry and he knew that the minute he got out of here, he was going to get vengeance on all three men involved. He was going to destroy them in a way that they'd never forget.

And for the doctor who'd helped them, he was going to make sure he could never practice medicine again. He was getting his life back, he was hopeful for that.

"How's Ana?"

"She's a mess." Elena explained, the last thing she was going to do was tell him she was with someone else. It shouldn't come from her. She may not like Ana, but she cared a great deal about Christian and that was something she valued. And the truth needed to come from Ana.

"God, I miss her."

"She misses you too."

"I need to get out of here. "Christian stated, wanting to rush to Ana

"Soon. Taylor promised that it would all go down tonight. "

"Thank fucking God. I need to be home with my girl." Christian told her then collapsed on the cot and sighed in relief. By the end of the night, he'd be with the woman he loved.


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: This is going to be my last chapter until ten p.m. my time. I have an eight hour shift today, so I thought I'd at least give you one more chapter. Thank you guys so much for all your reviews, support and love. And Thank you to the guest reviewers too, I sure do wish you'd log in so I could answer you too __ Enjoy your chapter. _

Cole has the box? How could this happen, Ana pulled it out of the drawer and held it just as everything inside her snapped. Ray and Taylor had been right? How could she be so stupid and naive? Slamming the drawer shut, Ana began to feel angry. Had Cole knew who she was this whole time? Did Cole have something to do with what happened to Taylor? She wasn't sure, but this was too close to be a coincidence. She needed answers, and she needed them now. She'd give Cole a few more minutes to enjoy his peace but afterwards, she was going to make sure he went crawling back into the hole he came out of.

When Cole finally did emerge from the bathroom, he was wrapped in a towel, he grabbed a pair of boxers from the basket and then threw on jeans and a shirt all the while wearing a smile. When he finally turned to Ana, his smile faded when he saw her expression.

"Ana what's wrong?"

"I've been sitting here, for the past ten minutes, wondering how I could be so blind, to what you are." She spoke, her voice full of hurt and anger

"What do you mean?"

"I felt so bad about not sleeping with you that I decided to make it up to you. I started cleaning up, I was going to put your clothes away and when I opened your drawer, I found this." She said holding up the box

"Why were you going through my drawers?" Cole asked, his eyes turning cold.

"I wasn't, did you not hear me, and I was putting your clothes away for you. What did you do to him? How could you take him from me? " Ana stood making her way to Cole to push him. She just didn't care anymore, she regretted ever getting involved with him in the first place.

"Ana stop this nonsense. " Cole warned her

"No! What did you do to him? How could you do that to me? " She screamed

"I didn't do anything, Ana. I love you, I'd never do this."

"You took my boyfriend me." She screamed shoving him back "I hate you. I hate you so freaking much."

Cole grabbed Ana's wrists as she began to hit his chest. He just needed her to understand. But how could she understand when everything she said was true?

box "And you can speak all day trying to come up with explanations, but nothing you say will convince me.

"Ana, I love you, I'd never hurt you."

"I wish you were the one who died. " She spat at him, giving him a shove "I hate you, I hate you so freaking much. How could you do this? He never did anything to you. I wish it was you who was dead. I hate You!"

Cole grabbed Ana's wrists to prevent her from hitting his chest anymore. He needed her to understand, but how could she when everything she said was true? How do you get past that?

"You need to calm down, love."

"Don't call me that. I fucking hate you. You took him from me, you stole my happiness. How could you? "

"You need to listen to me, I never wanted to hurt you, The moment I saw you though, I knew I needed to have you so when they came to me with their plan, I was all for it."

"Who, who came to you? " she questioned, as she got a hold on her emotions. She was never really able to move on, partly because she never knew what happened, and now, well now she could find out. It was time to finally know the truth. " What did you do to him?"

"I am not discussing this with you Ana, we're going to do everything we planned on, before you went snooping in my drawers. " Cole demanded, pulling her arm and leading her to the door but she yanked away from him

"No, I'm not going anywhere with you. Don't you get that? We're done, I thought I wanted to be with you, I thought maybe one day I could love you, but now there's no way in hell I'll ever love you. I can't stand to even look at your deceitful face.

Cole turned, feeling fury rise inside him as he made his way to Ana. "Ana you're coming with me willingly or not."

"No, I'm not. You're disgusting, I hate you. You should have died, in that crash not my, poor Christian. " She told him in a sob

"He deserved what he got and now you're mine, I love you and I know you love me too. You always have."

"You're twisted. I love him, I was never yours, I've always been his."

Ana wasn't sure what shocked her more, the fact that Cole actually look hurt, or the fact that his hand connected with her face. He'd hit her. She would have never expected that. Ray and Taylor had been right, but boy did she wish she had listened to them. She regretted the fact that she sent home Sawyer this morning. God, did she need him right now.

Ana began to back away as Cole came closer to him, his eyes were cold, she was looking at a stranger, and this wasn't the Cole she knew at all.

"Get up."

"Please don't hurt me." She begged obeying to his order, but not able to face looking him in the eyes.

"Oh, Ana, why couldn't you fucking leave this alone, we could be happy but you just wouldn't let go. He never deserved you, we took care of him, and you belong to me, not him. And if you ever fucking talk to me again, I swear to God that slap will be the least of your worries, are we understood?"

"I'm sorry Cole. I'm so sorry. Please don't hurt me."

"Come here." He said, holding out his arms for her and she willing went to him. It was the last thing she wanted, but the truth was if he was capable of killing Christian, there was no telling what he would do.

"You can't tell anyone about any of this, am I clear, if you do, Ana, you'll regret it. Am I clear? " Cole threatened in a demanding voice.

"I won't tell, just don't hurt me. I promise Cole, please. " Ana said in a beg, she was afraid. She'd be lying if she said Cole didn't scare her. He'd killed Christian, what if she was next.

"I'd never hurt you, I love you."

"Can I go home please? My mom is coming over and I can't be late. I totally forgot." Ana asked, but she really wasn't sure why she felt she needed permission.

"I'll drive you."

"Okay."

"Ana? Are you alright? " Carla asked coming into Ana's bedroom where she lay under the covers

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just missing Christian." She lied. While she was missing him, and regretting ever being with Cole, the truth was that wasn't what was upsetting her.

"I know, I'm so sorry Ana. I came back to let you know that I'm going to be going back to Georgia? I need to be with Bob." She said

"Why? I thought… " Ana started remembering the weird conversation she once had with Ray. " Did something happen between you and dad?"

Carla frowned but sighed. " He was there for me in my time of need Ana, that's all it was. Nothing more, nothing less. We're both different people now."

"You're kidding right? He still loves you, he's the reason I was able to forgive you. How could you do this to him? How could you use him? " Ana snapped

"Ana, you're young, you don't understand."

"I'm not a kid anymore, mom, I'm twenty three years old, and more than that, I know how it feels to have everything taken from you. I never truly realized what I had until it was gone, and now you're throwing away what you have because you're afraid to take the risk. How could you do this to dad? He's done nothing but be there for you, he invited you in his home when he could have made you stay here, or at a hotel." Ana chided at her mother, who just started at her in shock as if she didn't realize what Ana was saying.

"Ana, it's not like that."

"Yes it is mom, you're going to lose him forever if you don't realize what's in front of your face. I've seen the two of you together, I've seen how you look at him and you cannot tell me that it's nothing because I've seen that look, it's the one Christian used to give me. "

"We'll talk about it later, right now I have to get going. Ana, don't push me to Ray, I know I messed up when I pushed you to Cole, but that was different and besides you're with him now, nad you seem happy with hm." Carla said, but it made Ana flinch. Happy? How could she ever be happy with her boyfriend's murderer? She was trapped with no way out.

"I need to be alone, please leave. " She begged and without another word her mother was gone.

She could no longer focus on her thoughts, so Ana did the one thing that always helped. She picked up one of the manuscript. She made her way to the breakfast bar with it and put it on the countertop as she made some tea.

It felt like hours that passed by with each word that she wrote, she almost jumped at the sound of the door slamming in the apartment.

"Ana?" She instantly stopped reading. She knew that voice anywhere.

It was the voice she thought she'd never hear again. The voice she longed for so many sleepless nights. The voice of an angel and she'd play on repeat when calling the voicemail. The voice of the man she loved completely.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. Now the chapter you've all been waiting for. And no, it's not a dream._

"Christian?" Ana breathed softly as she stared at the man in front of her. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She threw the manuscript to the ground and gazed at the man in front of her.

"Hey, there sunshine. " Christian said in relief as he stared at the woman who stood before him. She was different yet still the same. She's lost some weight, and she looked paler, but she was still as beautiful as she ever was.

"You're…. Why.. How? " Ana stuttered out her words, unsure of any of this. She was sober, so there was no way this could be a dream, right?

"It's a long story, baby, but I promise that I'm going to tell you everything, I just need you to come to me. " Christian told her holding out his arms.

"I can't. "

"Why?" He asked, with confusion

"Because, if you're not real, then It's going to break my heart. " She told him in truth remembering that night she'd been drunk

"I'm real, and I'm never going anywhere again. " Christian promised her, his grey eyes full of hope and love. It'd been a year but he still looked the same. How was that possible? How was it possible for him to stay in shape when he obviously wasn't gone willingly?

"How can you be here? You were dead, I thought you were gone forever. " Ana began to sob uncontrollably

"I told you it was a very long story, but right now I don't want to talk about it, I just want to be with you, I need you."

"I thought you were dead, maybe I'm dead, things like this just don't happen, you died." She breathed, turning so she wasn't facing him. She couldn't grasp what was happening. There wasn't any possible way he could be here. His body had been gone, so sign or trace. Detectives had told her that it blew up after with the plane after it crashed and exploded. They'd told her there was no way that he could have survived that, so how on earth was he standing before her in the home they'd once shared, the home he invited her into.

"Baby, I'm here." He assured her with a smile, stepping closer but she only took a step back as she turned back around. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. She'd been missing him for a year and four months, how could he possibly come back? Maybe it was just another dream.

"You can't be, Christian. It can't be…. I can't…. Oh my God, " Ana finally said after many thoughts of regret surfaced through her mind as she remembered what she'd done. She thought he died, and she moved on, she slept with another man, only eight months after Christian had died, how would he ever forgive her, how could she ever forgive herself.

"Ana, please, tell me you still love me, tell me that after a year, everything didn't get screwed up, I never wanted to be away from you and I promise that I'll explain it all later, but right now I need to be with the woman I love. I've fought for you, I've come back to you, Ana. I love you, and this year apart has taught me just how much.

"You're real?" She questioned again for what felt to Christian like the one millionth time

"Yes, now will you come to me?" He begged her, opening his arms to her again, but this time she didn't hesitate, she ran to him, gripping her arms around his neck, and he yanked her body in tightly, and for several moments they held on to each other for dear life, afraid to even let go for a second.

"I've missed you so much. " She whispered in his ear, feeling the tears pour down her face as if they were raindrops. "When I thought you were dead, something died inside of me as well. I'm nothing without you, nothing at all. It hurt so much when they told me you were dead, please don't ever leave me again. "

"I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever. It's you and me Ana, that's how it was always meant to be, you saved me, not just from my past but in the past year, you're the one that kept me going." Christian informed her pulling back just enough so he could see her face, and look into her eyes.

"Promise? "She asked. She knew he meant every word, but she needed to know that he'd never leave her in anyways ever again. She needed him far too much. She needed to feel him. She just wanted the man she loved back. If only it were that simple, she still had to deal with Cole. She'd avoided all confrontation with him, he'd called a million times since she'd been home but she ignored and he couldn't exactly get in, so if he came over, not only would he have to deal with Security but there's no way he'd be able to get through to her.

"I promise, you're my entire world, and I'm glad to finally be back to you. I love you so much, you're my light Anastasia Rose Steele, and a year without you has been a living fucking hell. "Christian informed her, bring his face down to her, so their noses were touching. And as he brought his lips to hers, all was right in the world again. As their lips touched, Ana remembered all the moments of kisses that they shared before, every moment of love they shared, every love making session they'd had, every talk they ever had, it call came rushing back, in one instant.

"I love you." Ana said, she just needed him to know that if they were ever going to make it to the next conversation they had to have. Cole. He needed to know.

Ana felt terrible about it, she should have trusted her instincts, she should have never let Grace talk her into being with Cold, deep down, without a body, and she knew that he couldn't be dead, she couldn't accept that. Yet, that didn't stop her from cozying up with another man, making love to him, feeling his lips against him, especially Cole, who'd turned out to be the very man she should have stayed away from.

"What's the matter?" Christian questioned her, as his eyes desperately searched hers for some indication on what was going through her mind.

"Is this real? I thought you were real once a time back, but you were weren't, you ended up being him?"

"What are you talking about?" Christian questioned her with a frown

"A few months ago, I got drunk, and I was at your grave, and I thought you'd come back to me, but it wasn't you, it was… it was him." She said, ripping off the bandage. She wasn't going to beat around the bush, it was better to just tell him the truth without trying to come up with explanation. She knew what she did and now she had face the consequences, even if it meant losing him forever.

"Who's this him you speak of?"

"Christian, I thought you were dead, I had to move on."

"What are you saying?" Christian questioned her, feeling his anger surface. He didn't like at all where this conversation was headed

"I'm with someone else." She said "Well kind of. "

"You're what? You thought I was dead and you just moved on to the next fucking man who looked at you? How could you do that to me? Did you sleep with him?"

Ana stood in silence, giving Christian the answer he need. And it was enough to make his anger cloud his judgment.

"Christian, I'm sorry. I.. I thought you were gone, and I needed to move on, a life without you was unbearable, I was lost and so when Grace suggested that I moved on, I just gave it a chance."

"My mother did encouraged you? What the fuck is this? I get presumed dead, you guys act like you never even knew me. The fuck is up with you? I would have never done this to you, you are it for me, I could have never fucking moved on that fast. How could you do that to me? Who is this fucker?"

"He's a doctor that hospital, Christian, I'm sorry I never wanted to hurt you, please forgive me. I still have more I need to tell you, please just give me a chance to explain." She begged him for mercy. She needed to tell him all she knew about Cole, she needed to tell him how Cole had something to do with the fact that Christian's plane crashed, she needed to tell him that he'd hit her and that she was trapped, but mostly she needed to tell him there was more than one person behind all of this.

"I knew I should have never trusted you enough to let you in. Fuck, Ana I left you _everything. _I loved you that much that I gave you my entire fortune. How could you just moved on so fast?"

"I don't know, but I love you. Please." She begged, reaching for his hand but he pushed it away. He knew how she made him weak, he couldn't let her touch him right now.

Christian cut her off before she could say another word. "Don't, I can't even bear to look at you right now. You have another man, what's mine and now I'm leaving. " Christian told her, he crossed the room, and began to reach for the door.

"Christian, don't go!" She yelled after him. He stopped at the door but said nothing, he just opened it and slammed the door on his way out. Leaving Ana to cry in silence. She'd lost him. And she had no one to blame but herself. It was all one her, she loved the man completely, and when he died, a part of her died. She was guilty of making some irrational decisions, she trusted a man that was the reason for the love of her life being gone. And now that she found out he was still alive, there was no way she'd ever have him again, the truth was she'd lost him for good.

"I'm sorry." She whispered into the empty room, falling to the floor she let the sobs consume her, she cried for what felt like hours. She cried in the middle of the room right where he left her, not caring about who would walk in on her. She just wanted the world to eat her whole, but it never did, it just left her with the pain and guilt she was feeling.

Christian hadn't planned on leaving Ana the way he did. He always knew that there was a possibility that she would move on, but he'd just hoped that she'd be waiting for him. He was wrong. As he pulled up to his parents driveway, he felt nervous about what was about to go down, he knew he wasn't here out of happiness or joy to see his family, he wanted one thing. Answers to how his mother could betray him in the most worst possible way. And needed those answers now, the happy reunion could wait. Ringing the doorbell, Christian began to feel like it was a mistake, this wasn't the time or place, was it? But it was too late, the door had opened and he was faced with his mother. Who stood wide eyed and shocked?

"Christian? What in the world is going on?" She questioned out loud

"I've been asking myself the same question." He said, his tone was harsh and cold. He'd never in his life acted this way with his mother, but after learning what she'd done, he couldn't hold back his anger. "Where is everyone?"

"Your father is at the office, Elliot is with Kate, and Mia, well she's on a vacation in London with Ethan."

"Good I need to talk to you."

"Firstly, I want to know how you're here. Do you know how worried we've all been? How sad? We all thought you were gone, God I'm so happy you're here." Grace told her son in honest, but as she went to hug him, he pulled away

"Happy? If you're so happy, that I'm still here, why did you convince the woman I love to move on with someone else, how could you do that to me?"

"You've seen Ana. "Grace stated

"Of course, the only thing I thought about this whole time being held captive, was her and to come home to her and find out that she was with another man, and she's slept with this man, not to mention it's my mother's fault, it fucking hurts mom. I looked up to you, I expected you of all people to be on my side, but you betrayed me, just like Ana did. " Christian snapped. He was no longer caring who he hurt, he wanted them to hurt just in the way they'd hurt him

"I'm sorry, Christian you have to understand, I only wanted to help her. " Grace tried to explain, but there really was no point, he was too angry to have any sense of reason.

"Then let her cry on your damn shoulder, you encouraged to betray me, and I will never forgive you for that."

"You didn't see her when you were gone, she had a breakdown, she cried for you every single day, she visited your grave everyday, more than once a day. She was broken. I had to do something, I knew she could never love Cole, as much of a friend as he is, I was more concerned for her. So I hooked them up, she needed a distraction and that's exactly what he was. Until she was finally able to let you go."

"She's with him now. Don't you get that. She told me she was seeing him. What do I do now? I love her and she's fucking dating someone else. "

"She'll choose you."

"You don't know that mom."

"Yes I do."

"Well maybe, I'm not willing to give her the chance, or you. " Christian chided, then walked away. He needed to leave, he didn't know where he would end up but he needed to get the fuck out of there.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Okay, I'm not the type of person to ever care what people think about what I write, because well I write to make myself happy not to please others but these reviews from the last chapter just got under my skin. First off I want to say, that if I answer a question to you, and it seems rude then talk to me about, don't rant to me about it in the reviews. I would never purposely be rude to any of you because you all mean a lot to me. And I wouldn't have this much support without you. On another note though, this is my story, and if you don't like that's fine because you can't like everything. However this last chapter, the part with Grace was Christian's point of view, I wasn't reflecting on Graces' feelings. She was in shock, and he didn't exactly give her a chance to react to him being alive, she'll have a reaction but that scene was mostly for Christian. _

_Now Rant over and thank you to those of you who still support this story, you all mean so much to me and words can never tell you how thankful I am for you. Happy readings. I only have a four hour shift today, so you'll more._

Grace sat at her kitchen table as her emotions began to take over. He was alive, her son was alive. How was this so? What had she done? She should have known pushing Ana to Cole would have backfired on her, she just couldn't take seeing her in pain, had she known Christian was still alive, she would have never done that. Tears began to fall down Grace's cheek as she turned the page of the scrapbook she'd made of Christian's life that she'd pulled out after he left. She made it when she first died. It was never easy with Christian, nothing ever was. He was always a challenge, but it had never got this bad before. She'd screwed and she knew that she deserved every bit of anger that Christian was throwing at her. She knew it would take time, but knowing he was back, she wasn't giving up. The hardest ones to love are the ones that need it most, right?

"Grace, sweetheart? What's the matter? "Carrick's voice surfaced through their oversized kitchen. As he saw the scrapbook, though he knew there was only one thing to be done, he went to her, and wrapped his arms around her. She just needed comfort.

"He's alive, Carrick, our boy he's still alive. " She cried, she hadn't been able to react before, not with everything he spat at her. He wouldn't even give her the chance to explain why she did everything she did.

"What are you talking about, he's gone, sweetheart, we all know that. " Carrick told her, in confusion.

"He's not gone, we were all wrong, he came here earlier, and I know you're probably looking at me like I'm crazy but he's back, he's alive. Our boy is alive. "

"Why didn't he stay?"

"He's upset with me, for pushing Ana to Cole. He hates me, Carry. I made such a big mess. What have I done? What if I never get the chance to beg for forgiveness? He's been gone so long, I can't lose him now. He's my son, I don't want to lose him." She cried.

"He's really alive, how is that possible? You and I both heard what those detectives said, we both saw the after affects of the plane. How?"

"He must have gotten out before, just like Ros did. I'm not sure, he didn't tell me how he just came over to yell at me, not that I blame him. He said he'd never forgive me. What am I supposed to do now, I can't live a life where my son hates me." Grace whispered softly, as she went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

"We have to find him, " Carrick responded, taking his phone out of his jacket pocket and dialing a number. Grace presumed that he was Calling Christian.

"I know, but I have no idea where he went, he didn't even let me explain a word, he just vanished. I can't even imagine what he said to Ana. He'd went to her first and by the sound of things, it didn't go well."

"That poor girl has been through so much, "Carrick spoke with a sadness to his voice "Christian has to understand what she's been through, but I suppose we don't really know what he's been through either. God, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he's alive."

"We just need to find him, we'll go from there." Grace said. She had to make it right, Christian shouldn't be angry with Ana for something Grace set in motion. It was her fault, if he wanted someone to blame, it was Grace, Ana wasn't. She'd been so consumed by grief that she never knew what to do, so she went with everyone thought she should do. " What if he does something reckless because of me?"

"This is not your fault, sweetheart, you thought he was dead, we all did. And although it may have been just a bit too soon, you were just trying to help Ana. You wanted to take her pain away, and Christian will see that. He'll need time but he'll see it, I'm sure of it."

"How do you know that, how can you be sure?" Grace questioned, feeling more tears fall

"Because you raised him, and you my dear, are the most amazing, wonderful, kindest, warm and loving person that I know. And you reflect that on all of us. Grace, he'll come around, he's been gone for a year and four months, and he comes back to his life, and everything has changed. Christian just needs to adjust. "

"I do hope that you're right. " Grace responded. Maybe there was hope after all.

Ana didn't know how much time went by but when she finally stopped crying, it appeared to be dark outside. She was still in the same spot Christian had left her in. As she sat up, she felt an ache in her head. She'd cried for so long that she was developing a migraine. Great! What else could go wrong?

"Ana? Oh goodness what's the matter?" Gail panicked as her and Taylor came in the room

"I've lost him all over again." She whispered

"Christian isn't here? When I brought him home he was so excited to see you, he wouldn't have just left you." Taylor stepped in as he walked to her and helped her off the floor

"No, I told him, everything about Cole and he left me. He said he couldn't even look at me. I betrayed him. How could I do that, Taylor, how could I have sex with Cole after everything he's done? How could I betray the only man I've ever loved, how could I be so selfish?"

"Ana, you stop this right now, you are the furthest thing from selfish, and Christian will see that. You just have to give him time to adjust to all these changes. " Taylor said, then his face changed after something Ana said registered "What do you mean after everything Cole has done?"

"I can't tell you."

"Did he hurt you?" Taylor asked, remembering the conversation he'd had with Cole before he and Ana left.

"No, but… I just can't. Taylor, I'm trapped."

"You don't ever have to see him again, we'll make sure of that."

"It's not that simple, I have to pretend, I have to, if I don't he'll hurt someone else." Ana told him "Please don't interfere, please let me handle this on my own." Ana begged him. She needed to handle Cole on his own, she couldn't risk him taking Christian from him her again. She could bear to lose him, even if she'd already lost him, she was going to do her best to protect him. She owed him that, right?

"We can help you, let us Ana. Don't try to do this on your own, when you fight fire with fire, all you get is a bigger fire." Taylor told her in hopes that he'd be able to persuade her to let him in. She didn't though

"I just can't. I have to go find him, please don't follow me. I don't need your help. " Ana said then bolted out of the room. What she didn't expect though, was once she got past security and the codes was Cole to be standing outside of Escala.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him, her blood draining from her body

"You haven't been answering my calls, what the fuck is up with that? You aren't leaving me, I don't give a fuck what I have to do, I won't let you. " He told her grabbing her arm a little too tight

"You're hurting me, please, let go of me." She begged him, but he wasn't budging

"I love you Ana. Don't you fucking get that? What I did it was all for us."

"I don't love you. I'll never love you, I love Christian, now let me go." She screamed

Cole snapped, he let the demon inside of him take over, as his fist collided with her face.

Ana fell to the ground in her moment of shame. All she wanted was Christian, where was he? If he'd only let her explain earlier, she could have avoided ever having to leave. And now here she was crying on the ground, with what was going to end up being a black eye.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Taylor's voice asked in anger

"It's nothing, she fell." Cole said

"Yeah, fell my ass. What the fuck did you do to her? You don't just fall on your eye. I can see the redness. What is wrong with you? "Taylor chided, then turned to Ana on the ground "Did you really think I'd let you go without any back up? We'll find him I promise, but right now we should get some ice on that."

"No, I need to find him, please I need him."

"You need to find who?" Cole asked

"None of your God damn business."

"That's my girlfriend, she is my business." Cold chided at Taylor.

"No, she's not your girlfriend, get the fuck out of here before I call the cops." Taylor yelled at him, but before Cole turned to leave, Taylor pulled him back and punched him. It was something he wanted to do ever since the night he and Ana got back together, but he couldn't do that to Ana.

"Taylor, can you go find him? I need him, I think you're right, I should go back inside. I don't think he'd want to see me anyway. Please bring him home, I need to explain." Ana told him with a smile, the vanished back in the building

"I thought I made myself clear." Taylor said to Cole once Ana was gone. "I told you that if you ever hurt her that I was going to rip your heart out and watch you bleed. "

"Fuck off."

"You get out of here, before I do something that I'll regret. And if you ever come near this place or Ana again, it'll be the last thing in this life you do." Taylor warned Cole with cold eyes. He was done putting up with him. He wanted him to suffer the way he'd made Ana suffer. And Taylor didn't care what he had to do, he was going to protect Ana with everything he had. Ana and Christian both.

"She'll never be safe, she and I are meant to be, and not even you can keep me away from her. I'll get her back, you just wait and see."

And with that, Cole was gone.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Thank you guys for such the nice reviews and support. I've had a bit of a rough spot with reviews today. So I just want to say, to all of you guest reviewers and the ones logged in that feel the need to be rude, THANK YOU. You guys have shown me that I need to have criticism on my story. At first I was upset about, the things you guys said but then I remembered that wasn't me. I don't care what people think about my writing, I write for one reason, it's what I loved and no amount of bad reviews is going to change that. I have such loyal and supportive followers and that's all I can ever ask for. So screw the haters, I'm going to continue doing what I love. I love this story, and more than that I love the fact that I've decided to turn it into an original story. One of the many that I have, and one day when I become a published writer I'll look back on this moment and I'll be laughing in your face._

_You all think the reactions weren't realistic, and that's your opinion this is my story though and all the unanswered questions are written that way for a reason. It's all part of my bigger plan. I'm not going to Beg anyone to stay and read. I write what I want, not what you think I should. _

_That was a bit mean. Anyways rant over, enjoy your chapter. Maybe you'll get another. _

Christian sat outside of Flynn's office building debating on whether or not to go in. He knew Flynn always stayed late, but he couldn't bear to get out of his car. He remembered Ana's look as he left Escala, it was haunted him every time he closed his eyes. A huge part of him knew that he should have given her a chance to explain, the truth was he didn't care. She slept with another man while Christian was trying to find his way back to him, how is that right? How do you get past that? Christian loved her more than anything else in the entire world, but could he love her enough to forgive what she'd done? As he got out of his car, he went around to the hood, and just leaned against it, not sure if he'd be able to walk upstairs to visit Flynn. Could he be able to face Flynn? Could he talk to him about Ana? There was only one way to find out. As he made his way to Flynn's office he was beginning to feel like it was mistake, everything inside him told him to turn around, but his feet had other plans. Flynn's secretary had been gone, so Christian knocked on the door, he wasn't sure exactly what he was expecting but he had to get this out. When the door finally opened, Christian let out a breath of relief when he saw his good friend and therapist.

"Christian? " Flynn gasped in disbelief. How could this be? Christian died.

"Hey there John." Christian said with a sigh.

"What in the world is going on? We thought you were dead, how can you be here? Oh my God! I'm happy you're alive but where have you been all this time?"

"I'll tell you everything but right now I just need my therapist. " Christian admitted

"You have no idea how much I've missed you, how much we've all missed you. It's such a relief to see you here, God, it seems so impossible. " Flynn blabbered on, he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Christian was alive, in his office, this was truly a miracle.

"I think you're probably the only one who's missed me, aside from Taylor." Christian spoke with a hurt tone to his voice. The people he loved, had betrayed him, and if they could betray him then they obviously hadn't missed him at all.

"What do you mean?"

"Ana slept with another man, hell she's still with him, she told me that. I was happy to be fucking free and all I wanted was to see the woman I loved, and what the fuck do I get? I get told that she cheated on me." Christian said with anger in his grey eyes "How could she do this to me, and how could my mother push her to it?"

"Christian, you need to calm down, Ana, she was very lost without you. You don't have any idea. She thought you were dead, you can't really blame her for moving on. Can you?"

"How can I not, I would have never done this to her. Fuck, she's everything to me, I've done everything I could possibly do to make reason with this, but there isn't any, she cheated on me, with some fucking moron who probably only wanted to get in her pants. Where do I go from here? I can't function, when I think about another man having his hands all over her, I want to find him and rip out his jugular. "Christian spoke with no remorse.

"Have you spoken to Ana, or to your mother about what happened to her?"

Christian frowned in confusion. What had happened to her? "What are you talking about?" Christian asked, panic arising in his voice.

"Christian, what you're feeling, it's normal. She was with another man and I understand why you're feeling the way you do. Hell if this had happened to me, I'm not sure what I would do. However, with that being said, Ana near just about had a breakdown. She was consumed with grief, she hated every moment of living without you. She told me that she called your phone, just to hear the sound of your voice, she went to your grave every day, and sometimes she even fell asleep there. She reached for you every morning that she woke up alone, it doesn't matter who she was with, who she slept with or even who'd hand she was holding because the whole time she was wishing it was you. "

"She almost had a breakdown?"

"Yeah, she passed out in the cemetery and was brought to the hospital. And while there, she had a panic attack. This hasn't been easy for her, the only reason that I believe she dated the doctor your mother introduced her to, was because she wanted to feel. She was numb, Christian, after you were presumed dead she was such a mess. You have no idea how long it took her to finally accept that you were gone, this past year, she had held on to hope that somehow someway you'd come back to her, but you never once did. She had to move on, in fact you encouraged it." Flynn said, remembering Ana telling him about the letter in one of their sessions

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I would never in a million years encourage the woman that is supposed to be my wife by now, to move on, or to sleep with another man while I'm fighting every single day to come home to her. "

"The letter you wrote, the one telling her to move on and find someone knew. You said you wanted her to be happy even if it wasn't with you."

His confusion grew as he tried to piece together what Flynn was telling him." I never wrote her a letter."

"Then someone must have signed your name, Christian a year after you were gone, your lawyer showed up and brought that letter. Ana believed that what you wanted was for you to truly move on, she thought that it would make you happy no matter where you were."

"I know this is going to sound fucking selfish, maybe I'm a selfish man, but I don't want her, to ever be happy with anyone else but me. She's mine. She's been mine since she fell into my office. And me, while I'm hers. I belong to her, she's consumed me. I didn't think I could love anyone but I love her more than anything in the entire world and I just, I want to spend forever making her happy. "

"Then go to her." Flynn encouraged him

"I can't. I can't grasp what she did to me, I can't accept that she was intimate with someone else."

"If you two choices, you can learn to forgive her, or you can lose her forever. What happened was a tragedy for the both of you I can imagine, but you have to make a choice. Do you want to make a life with Ana or lose her because of something you couldn't get past?" Flynn asked Christian. He knew in the end he'd do the right thing, Christian always did, and he just needed a bit of encouragement.

"I don't know how to forgive her, I think I need time."

"You take all the time you need, she'll understand, it's Ana. And I do expect a full explanation of what happened to you, but for now, you need to go home and you need to talk to her. Don't drive her away."

"You're right, as always. It was good to see you John, a year really is a long time." Christian gave him a soft smile and left the building, what he didn't expect though was for Taylor to be there.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, stepping further into the darkness

"Sir, I know that I should have warned you about Ana, but she's a mess. Don't take this out on her, she needs you." Taylor told him, remembering the state he left her in

"Taylor, I know you care for her, but I can't forgive her, not yet."

"Sir, there's something I need to tell you. Something that is important to all of this. The man Ana was involved with, he's dangerous. A couple of days ago, I did a background check on him."

"And you found?" Christian questioned. He needed to know. He wouldn't let him anywhere near Ana if he was truly as dangerous as Taylor had suggested.

"A lot. In 2009 he was accused of beating his girlfriend, the charges of course were dropped, when I talked to the detective who worked on the case, he told me that the girlfriend backed out, said it was all a misunderstanding. He presumed that Cole got to her first before she got a chance to file any charges. The detective also assured me that it hadn't been the first time that a girl accused him of physically attacking her. The girl went missing a year later, it wasn't until 2011 that they found her body in a lake. She was severely raped and beaten. She had also been shot, the damage was too much they had to use her dental records to identify her. " Taylor started. He hated that he went behind Ana's back and did the background check, but he didn't trust Cole, he sure as hell wasn't going to let him stay around if he was bad news.

"Have you told Ana?"

"No, I just got the results yesterday, and when I went to call her, I had gotten word on how to get to you, so I had to go. I knew he'd never hurt her if he didn't think she knew, plus Sawyer was supposed to be with her."

"Fuck, I go away and she gets involved with a man like that? "

"That's not all. I've been carrying this with me since Welch sent over the papers, I think this is the reason he's so fascinated with her. " Taylor said, pulling a picture out of his wallet.

Christian was stunned by the picture in front of him. It was a very beautiful young woman, she couldn't be more than twenty three. She had long, dark, brown, wavy hair, dark, deep blue eyes. Her skin was pale she looked almost exactly like Ana.

"Who is she?"

"That was Cole's girlfriend of two years. The cops think he was the one who killed her."

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Ana's in trouble, and she needs you. Despite everything ,you love her. He hit her, I witnessed it. I let him, go stupid mistake, I know but I knew if I kept him, I'd be going to prison for murder. She's going ot have a black eye. I believe she knows something, and more than that I believe he fits into all of this with you disappearing. I think she knows, but is too afraid to tell. "

"Why do you think that?"

"Well the day before I rescued you, she spent the night with him, she seemed happy to be going, but the next day, she couldn't get away from him fast enough. When he dropped her off, he grabbed a hold of her before letting her come into the house, and he whispered something in her ear, I was watching them. The girl looked so scared. "

"Did you find anything else on him?" Christian asked him. All anger towards Ana was now gone, the only thing that mattered was protecting her.

"This." Taylor told him handing him a yellow envelope that appeared out of nowhere. Christian didn't even realize he'd been holding it.

"I think you know him, or at least know of him. His name is Cole Ryans. His father, is Michael Ryans. Also known as one of your kidnappers." Taylor said

Christian let the paper fall as he saw Cole's picture. He knew him, not only had he been the doctor who treated him so many times, he was the son of Christian's mother's pimp. Fuck!


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: Not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter, something doesn't seem right. Maybe that's my self-doubt talking. Anyways thank you guys so much for all the support and love of this story. Now that I've given you this update, I can sleep. I promised you this though, so I wasn't going to break that._

Ana sat on the edge of her bed holding a picture of her and Christian. It was taken perfectly, he was gazing down at her, with the soft expression he's always had whenever he looked at her, and she was looking up at him trying to comprehend how she got so lucky. She'd always wondered how she got him, why she got him. What did he ever see in her, why did he chose something real with her, over no emotions with a sub? She would never understand that, but maybe she wouldn't need to. She may have already lost him for good. Anger flared inside of her, how could she be so stupid? How could she trust Cole? How could she let Christian go? Everything inside of her had been telling her that something wasn't right, why didn't she listen? God, she was an idiot. And now she was an idiot all alone. She couldn't tell anyone the truth about Cole, all she was left with was this black eye he'd given. As she stared back down at the picture she began to become even angrier as she threw the picture across the room to shatter on the floor.

"Ana, what the hell are you doing?" Christian's voice surfaced through the room as she stood in front of the bed and began to cry.

"I don't know." She admitted. She knew nothing, she was a mess and she no longer had anywhere to turn.

"Hey, talk to me." Christian begged rushing to her. He didn't care about the fact she slept with someone else at the moment, they could talk about it later, he only knew he had to protect her, from everything. He always did hate seeing her cry.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you were dead, please don't hate me. I know I deserve it, I deserve everything. I understand why you're angry. You trusted me and I betrayed you with the wrong man. You should throw me out, Christian, tell me you never want to see me again. I'm a tramp. I'm sorry. " She told him, as she fell to her knees. She didn't deserve him, perhaps she never did.

In the moment he watched her fall apart, none of her mistakes matter, he fell to his knees with her, grabbing her and pulling her close. Everything they needed to talk about could wait, right now she needed him, and he wasn't going to make her feel any worse about herself than she already did. He hadn't forgiven her, not in the slightest bit but he didn't hate her, he was more in love with her now than he ever was.

"Ana, it's okay. I can't tell you that I'm not angry because I am. I can't tell you that I forgive you because I don't. " He spoke to her in honesty. If they weren't going to work on their relationship, he had to be honest. Flynn's question about losing her forever and being able to forgive her stuck with him. He wanted to forgive her, but he just needed time.

"Have I lost you forever? Again? " She asked with fearful eyes. Losing him once was bad enough, how could she ever go on knowing that he was alive, but she'd lost him after sleeping with Cole.

"No." Christian whispered in her ear as he let her wrap her arms around his neck. "I love you, Ana. That hasn't changed, and if you still love me too, I want to try. I want to make this work. Right now, I just need time, I need to adjust to what you did."

"I'm sorry. I'm so unbelievably sorry. It wasn't easy though, the first time I slept with him, it tore me apart." She admitted remembering her first time with Cole. It had been so awful and it hadn't really helped that she'd been drunk. Afterwards, she regretted it, and after Cole fell asleep, she lay in bed and cried for hours.

"Why did you do it? Why couldn't you just hold on to my memory, I love you Ana, could you possibly think I would be okay with you being with someone else. I feel like you cheated on me." Christian said to her, his voice breaking as he said the words. He knew they needed to have this talk but right now he just felt like he was going to fall apart.

"I don't know. I just wanted to feel something, Christian. I was so lost, and I was losing my mind without and when Grace introduced me to Cole, I thought he could be an escape, so when we got drunk that night, it just happened. I cried for you hours after the fact. I felt terrible. You have no idea, but Christian, I thought you were dead, you have to understand that. And more so than that when I received your letter, I broke it off with Cole. I knew that I was still in love with you and I couldn't be with him. "

"First off, last night you told me you were still with him." Christian started, confused.

"Not by choice." Ana sarcastically said back to him, but she regretted it. Christian couldn't know what was happening, she couldn't risk Cole hurting him, not again.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Ana told him, pulling away from him to gather her thoughts, could she possibly tell him about Cole, no. She couldn't risk it.

"Talk to me, Ana. You don't have to do this alone, I know you're afraid but I need you to tell me what he did. I know he hit you, that's why your eye is bruised, now please don't shut me out. Ana, we'll have all the time in the world to discuss where we're going to go from here but right now we need to discuss Cole."

"I don't want to. I want to know what happened to you. You promised." She reminded him. She had been crazy going over every possible way that Christian could be here right now. She came up with nothing though, where had he been, what kept them apart?

Sighing Christian knew it was time. It was time to finally tell her the truth.

"Someone tampered with Charlie Tango. I was told that by the person who tampered with her. I don't remember the crash, and the truth is if I don't remember now, I probably never will. However the first I remember leading up to this past year is waking up in a hospital and not knowing who I was. I had no recollection of who I was, or where I was, or what happened to me. And so when a man came in claiming to be my brother, I never questioned it. " Christian started, as the memory haunted him. He'd tried to forget so many times, but the truth was, he never would, it would stay with him forever.

"Who came to you Christian?"

"Jack Hyde. I hadn't known it at the time, hell even told that his name was Elliott. Jack had a doctor, who was on his side, and they told me they were moving home to be more comfortable that was four weeks after I woke up. I wasn't completely healed from all my injuries, but enough to go home. I didn't question it. What I didn't know though, was that I'd be transferred to a lake house, in a basement where I would stay for the rest of my year of torture. I fought so hard to get back to you, I promise you I did. After the crash, I found something, it was jacket in the basement, where I found a picture of you, it was your face that triggered my memory, it was you, Ana. No one else. And when I finally remembered, I do promise that I did everything I could, it wasn't enough, and they were too strong. They beat me to a pulp when I tried to escape. "

"You said jack, now you're saying they? Why?" Ana questioned in confusion.

"Ana, there's something I need to tell you, I've told you about my past, about my birth mother, about her pimp. Well it turns out, her pimp hates me, always has, and he's carried that with him this whole time, and while I don't know how it happened, Jack and him joined forces and put this whole plan into motion."

"You were held captive by your mother's pimp?" Ana gasped in shock. God, she had a ton of ideas of what could have happen in her head, but none ever came close to that.

"Yes. And there's more, more that involves you and I don't know how to tell you this, but I need you safe. And the truth is we both know that me not telling you things always ends in disaster. "

"What is it. "

"You can't go anywhere without security, you can't leave Escala without me. Cole is bad news."

"How do you know about him? Why do you think he's bad? "Ana questioned. It was doubt he was, but Ana hadn't told a soul what he'd done, so how would Christian even know?

"Taylor told me that he did a lot of digging up on him, a background check even. He found a lot of stuff on him."

"Like what?"

"Ana, he was accused of murdering his ex-girlfriend after beating her repeatedly. She was raped and beaten and thrown in a lake. She was so unrecognizable that they had to identify her body by her dental records. They could never prove it was him though, he had alibis. He had some damn good ones too. " Christian stated as he watched Ana's face fall, but she hadn't looked surprised. It was as if she knew something about him. "What do you know?"

"Nothing. I … Nothing. He killed her?"

"There's no way to know for sure, but yes, that's what the detective who worked the case believed. And there's one more thing that I need to show you." Christian told her, pulling out the picture of the woman that Taylor had given her, he handed it to Ana.

Ana stared at the picture in shock. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. The woman looked almost identical to Ana. A lot of differences yes, and nowhere near twins but a lot of similarities were between them. "She looks like me."

"She does, and there's more. Cole is the pimp's son."

"What? No you're lying!" Ana screamed. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be. Cole was horrible, but was he really capable of his. _Of course he is, he had the box you idiot. _Her conscious screamed at her.

"I wouldn't do that, you know me better. Now I've told you everything, I want to know what you're holding back."

"I can't, he'll hurt you. Or someone else. " Ana breathed softly, wondering how she could be so wrong about someone who seemed so right.

"He won't. Is that what he threatened you with? That he'd hurt the people you love? I'll hire security for everyone you've ever spoken to me, just please tell me."

"He…. He's the reason your plane crashed, or he had something to do with it. Christian, I found something I'd given you in his drawer, and he didn't deny it."

"What did you find?" Christian wondered out loud, trying to think back at anything Ana had given him before that day.

"The box, for your birthday. "

"Was in that anyway?"

"I'll tell you someday, but right now I can't. Christian, he hurt me, he hit me that day. He said you deserved everything you got. I told him that I hated him for taking you away, but he just got violent with me." Ana finally admitted as she wanted to the day he came back to her. She was finally able to tell someone and it felt so good.

"Why didn't you tell Taylor, or someone else?"

"I thought I deserved it. Christian, I trusted him, I'd finally given him a chance after months of pushing him away, I told him that I wanted to be with him, for real. I deserved everything I got after that." Ana told him in honesty. It was true. She made the deal with the devil, she deserved the burn that she'd received.

"Hey, stop talking like that. He hit you Ana, not just once, look at your face." Christian told her, pulling her to the bathroom to face the mirror. "Look at that. You don't deserve that. "

"Yes I do. I betrayed you, I don't deserve anything good."

Christian realized just in that moment how broken Ana really was. "It doesn't matter how he hurts you, with his hands or with his words, you don't deserve it. "

"Quoting songs now?" Ana smirked

"Yes, it fits. My point is Ana, that no matter what you've done, no man has the right to put his hands on you, you listen to me. I'll kill him if he ever touches you again. No one hurts you like that. Not while I'm around."

"I'm sorry . I know you're disappointed in me, and I know that I screwed up. I don't deserve this life. I don't deserve you. " She told him as she went to the closet, pulling out a black suitcase. God, she didn't deserve anything. She was going to leave before it was too late. She owed Christian this.

"What are you doing?" He asked her, as she put clothes into the suitcase.

"I'm leaving. I signed everything back over to you this morning, it should all be in affect tomorrow. You'll be rich again, you'll have your company, Escala that place in Aspen. You can have this life with someone else, because I don't deserve it, I'm nothing. "

"You're not leaving. " Christian demanded, there was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight, despite everything he loved her.

"Yes, I am and don't you dare try and stop me. I can't do this. I can't be what you want, I just can't, so let me go. "

"I said no. Stop acting like this Ana, I fucking love you. Is that not clear? Despite all of the fucked up shit I came home to, I love you, I still love you more than anything. And more than that, I still want to marry you now put that God damn suitcase in the fucking closet where it belongs or so help me God, I will take you over my knee right now and spank you until you're black and blue. "

Ana just smiled, "I've missed you."

"God you're so infuriating, Ana Why do you have to defy me? Why do you have to drive me insane? " Christian asked in a sigh

"You should let me go, I'm not good for you. "

"Stop, I love you, and I know you love me too. So just let me hold you right now and tomorrow we can dicuss the fact that I don't know how to forgive you, tomorrow we can discuss that you're never to see Cole again, tomorrow we can worry about all that's wrong."

"Okay." She told him and then without words they climbed into their bed and held each other, as they did so many times before. For one night, all was right in the world again.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for your support. I do hope you enjoy this. Don't hate me too much._

Ana woke up, still laying her head on Christian's chest. She dreamt for so long for this day, but it never came. She remembered how she'd always reach for him every morning that she'd woke but she always came up empty. She was almost afraid to move because she didn't want this to be a dream. As she lifted her head, she could still sleeping peacefully, as if it was the first night he'd slept well in so long. She imagined it was. Thoughts of Jack, the pimp and Cole came to her as she stared at Christian with soft eyes. God, she'd really screwed up. How could she ever get involved with Cole? Shouldn't there have been a radar? Guilt seemed to consume her and she wasn't sure how to stop it.

"Why are you staring at me?" Christians' voice murmured through the silence, distracting her from her thoughts.

"You just looked so peaceful. " Ana admitted. "And I was afraid that if I looked away that you wouldn't be here. I thought you'd vanish."

"Ana, I'm not going anywhere." Christian confirmed. He had no intentions of leaving her. Sure he needed time, but home was where the heart was, and the heart he never thought he had was with her.

"Christian, I think we should talk. We have to work this out, but I'm afraid I've lost you. I know you say I haven't, but I know you all too well. I'm supposed to be yours but I slept with someone else, and I see the way you look at me. I see the pity in your eyes, the hurt, and I never wanted that. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Ana, I don't want to talk about his first thing in the morning."

"We have to. Please." She begged him, but he wasn't hearing it. The last thing he wanted to discuss was another man's hands all over her. The thought only made his blood boil

"I said no. Just let it go." He told her, he got out of the bed and left the room, leaving her broken hearted in the silence. It seemed no matter what she did, it wasn't enough. Maybe even though he said it wasn't true, she really had lost him forever.

She wouldn't accept that though, she couldn't. Leaving the bed she followed him down the hall, and up the stairs to his study. He was going to talk to her, even if he didn't want to. She needed to get this out, she needed to know where they stood.

"Christian? We have to talk about this." She demanded as he sat in front of his computer.

"No, Ana he really don't. I need to find out what has happened, and where Jack and Michael have appeared to considering they escaped when Taylor found me in the basement. I don't have time to assure you that I love you. Okay? It's not on my top list of priorities and I told you last night that I still hadn't forgiven you. What did you expect? I told you that it was going to be a long road before I could accept the fact that you gave another man what was supposed to be mine!" Christian told her out of frustration. He knew it was mostly his anger talking but honestly he didn't care. He didn't even care that his words were breaking her heart.

"I just want to talk, why won't you let me in? I want to know how you're feeling. I feel horrible, why are you being so cold?"

"Fuck Ana! What do you want from me? " He snapped, getting up from his chair and banging on his desk " You slept with another man. Do you get that? It wasn't even a year after I was supposedly dead. How the fuck could you do that to me? How could you be with someone else, especially when there was no body? I would have moved heaven and earth until I found your body, dead or alive, I could have never believed you were gone until I had the proof."

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"Until you mean it. You don't do this to someone you love Anastasia, so maybe you just don't love me after all. " Christian yelled at her in a moment of weakness. He regretted it the moment the words were spoken.

"You don't think I love you?" Ana questioned Christian. There was no denying the hurt and suffering in her voice. It was as if someone ripped out her heart all over again.

"Ana." Christian said with sympathy, but when he went to walk to her, she put her hand up to stop him.

"No, I've got it Christian. I made one mistake, one that I'm going to regret for the rest of my life. A mistake I made because I thought you were dead. And I'm the bad guy, I'm the one who can't possibly love you because I betrayed you. It's clear just where we stand. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry that I slept with someone else, but again, I thought you were gone. God, Christian don't you get that, even a little?

"Ana. It's not.. …. "

Ana cut him off immediately, not even giving him a chance to finish. "I don't want to hear it, I don't want to talk anymore, I just want to be alone. Congratulations Christian, you get what you want, I want bother you. So until you decide you're ready to talk, I won't even come near you." She told him and bolted from the room.

And even worse, he didn't try to stop her.

Her phone wouldn't stop ringing as Ana packed up all her clothes. She wouldn't be here, she couldn't. Not after what he'd said to her. She couldn't live with someone who thought any less of her because she made a mistake. He accused her of loving him, how could he do that? This past year proved just how much she loved him. Grabbing her phone off the bed, she didn't look at it before she answered

"Hello?"

"Hey, how are you?" Kate's voice came through her ear

"I'm fine. "

"No you're not. Grace told us Christian was alive, we're all coming over soon, "

"I bet he'd be happy to see you all. More than I can say about me." Ana admitted as she zipped her suitcase

"What do you mean?"

"He hates me for moving on, he thinks I don't love him."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Does he not realize everything you've been through? How much you hurt for him, if you didn't love him, then why was it impossible for you to move on?" Kate snapped, it wasn't directed at Ana, she was hating how he was treating her. Ana had been through so much, how could Christian do this?

"I have to go, there are things I need to figure out, I'll see you later Kate." Ana said, and not bothering to see if you said anything else, Ana hung up.

She knew it would be a difficult challenge with all the new security that surfaced around, but she had to get out of here. It was easier before, when she owned it all, one word and they had to do what she said, but now that Christian owned everything again, they worked for him. She never wanted any of it, but now she was wishing she had the power to tell the security to leave.

Walking to the doors of Escala, it was empty Ana began to feel hopeful about the fact that she was going to make it, that was until she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around she was, Morgan, the new hired security guard.

" Ma'am, are you going somewhere?"

"Yes and you need to let me." She chided at him. She refused to be followed, if Christian didn't think she loved him, she wanted no part of his life anymore, not matter who painful it was.

"I can't do that, Ms. Steele, it's my job to protect you." He defended. Not to mention there was nothing more horrible than being on the wrong side of Christian Grey.

"Yes you can." Ana told him, reaching in her pocket to pull out two one hundred dollar bills and handing it to the man. " I've heard about your money troubles, with your family, I bet you could use this since Christian is going to pay you for another week."

"Ma'am. I…" He started but Ana cut him off

"Don't. I won't tell him you let me leave, I can't be here. He doesn't love me enough, not anymore. He thinks I don't love him. Could you stay and live in the house of a man that accused you of not loving him. Could you bear to see the way he looks at you because you made a simply mistake?" Ana questioned him. She could tell by the look on his face that she'd got to him.

"Be safe, and drive straight to where you're going. Got it?"

"Yes. Don't tell him I left, let him figure it out on his own." And with those final words Ana left Escala. She drove straight to Christian's grave. She needed a place where she could be to just think, and well she always did that well here.

"I know I'm just talking to an empty space now, because you're really alive. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I slept with Cole, I'm sorry I ever got involved with him. I wish you knew that. I really do. I wish that you could understand how much I've been hurting. I know that you're going through things too, I get it. I really do, but these past sixteen months have been a living hell for me. I wish that somehow you could understand just how much I love you. My world begins and ends with you. I remember that time after we both figured out we wanted more. The day you beat me with the belt after I asked you to. Those next five days, were the most horrible. I never imagined they could get worse, until the day I thought you died. I forgave you so fast, even though I had a millions to run away, why won't you forgive me? Why won't you just talk to me? I know the forgiving will take time and I can accept that, but what I can't accept is you thinking I don't love you."

"Hey there Ana." A familiar voice called from behind her. She turned around to be faced with Cole.

All the air in her lungs vanished.

"Leave me alone. Please." She begged him. She could see the coldness in his eyes and he stepped forward.

"I knew that if I watched that apartment long enough, I'd get you alone. " He said with an amused expression on his face

"You're not supposed to be around me, Taylor told me what he said to you. "

"I know he's alive, looks like my father didn't succeed after all. He always was to hell bent on suffering for that idiot. I for one, don't care about Mr. Grey, or revenge on whatever my father thinks he needs it for. I care about you, the moment I saw you, was long before he died. It was at that charity event where he paid a great deal of money to dance with you. I wanted it to be me. I wanted you for myself. So when my father and Jack came to me with their plan, I went along with it." Cole began and Ana knew that she had to get out of here. Cole was dangerous,

"Please stop. I don't love you Cole. It's Christian, it's always been him and it always will be. Being with you was mistake, a big one, and it's something I'll regret for the rest of my life."

Cole didn't say another word, he just grabbed her arms and gripped them tight enough that she felt pain.

"You think you can just leave me for him? You can't. I don't care who the fuck he is, or if he had you first, you're mine now, bitch. And you're not going anywhere." Cole yelled at him as he began to shake her violently.

"You're hurting me." She whispered softly as tears pooled in her eyes

"I don't give a fuck, " He spat at her throwing her to the ground and connecting his foot into her side, Repeatedly. "Get up."

Ana knew that she didn't have the strength, but she fought against the pain, clenching her side, and stood to face him. What she didn't realize though that she'd be faced with a beating to her face.

When Cole finally left, Ana was curled up in a ball on the ground, in and out of consciousness. And worst of it all, she deserved everything she just got handed.


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for your love and support. And Oh I keep getting a lot of PM's telling me to write faster because of the snippet that I posted on FB for an upcoming chapter. Hehe. Aren't you funny? ;) _

Christian found nothing on Jack and Michael as he fiercely typed on his keyboard. How could this be? It's not like they could just vanish from the world, there had to be some clue as to where they were and the police were finding nothing. Fuck, how could this be? He needed them to be found, he needed to destroy ever remaining piece of them. And then there was the issue of Cole, Christian had big plans for him. He was going to kill him for ever hurting Ana. A knock on the door distracted him from his screen, perhaps it was Ana again. He did feel the need to apologize for accusing her of not loving him. The look she had on her face before she left the room, broke his heart, yet he couldn't bring himself to go after her.

"What is it? " Christian called out at the person behind the door.

Taylor appeared. " Your family is here, sir."

"All of them? "Christian questioned. This was the last thing that he wanted to deal with right now. He didn't have time to deal with a reunion at the moment.

"Yes, sir. " Taylor told him.

Christian let out a long sigh as he put a hand on his forehead and began to massage it. God, this was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now. Getting up from his spot he made his way downstairs to be met with Elliot, a pregnant Kate, his parents and Mia.

"Christian! Oh my God." Mia squealed then ran to her brother and threw her arms around him. Christian had been closer to Mia than anyone else in his family. It really did feel good to see her again, wrapping his arms around her he closed his eyes in relief.

"I've missed you too, Mia." Christian said, as he pulled away

"It was awful, living without you. I didn't think I would ever see you again. God, what happened to you?"

"It's not important and it's not something I want to get into right now." Christian said, and with that statement everyone knew not to approach that subject.

"Christian, son, I'm so glad you're home. "

"Me too dad."

"What is your problem? " Kate chided from across the room at Christian. The only thing on her mind was Ana, she didn't care about telling him that she was glad he was alone, the only thing she wanted was to be there for her best friend.

"What did I do now? " Christian questioned with regret. Kate had never been his biggest fan, and he was sure there was some lecture coming on.

"I called Ana earlier and she's a mess. How could you treat her this way? How? She freaking loves you and you're treating her as if you don't care."

"You don't know anything!" Christian fought back her. He had been the one to get his life ripped away from him. He was the one who fought for Ana every single day, and he was the one who'd been betrayed. Sure there were things he shouldn't have said to her this morning, but she wasn't innocent in all of this.

"Maybe I don't but what I do know is that she cried every single night when you were gone, she hurt so much inside that she shut us all out, she was with another man because she thought just maybe she could survive without you but don't you get, she's nothing if she doesn't have you." Kate told him in honesty. She watched Ana self-destruct and she would be damned if Christian hurt her any more than she'd been already even if he had gone through trauma himself.

"Kate, this is the time or the place to be doing this." Elliott jumped in at his brother's defense.

"I don't care Elliot, he needs to stop acting like a child and realize that Ana thought he was dead, what did he expect for her to become a nun for the rest of her life, how is that fair to her? "

"Are you kidding me? She didn't wait a fucking year that I was gone, before she jumped in the sac with another man? How could she do that to me? Out of everyone how could she trust that I was dead without a body? She betrayed me!"

"Christian, it really wasn't like that." Carrick cut in, feeling the need to come to Ana's rescue. She'd been through so much, and the truth was Ana was never with Cole emotional. He was only there to fill an empty void.

"Dad, she cheated on me, don't you get that, don't any of you fucking get that? You're supposed to be my family yet here you are defending her!" Christian snapped at them with anger. How could they be on her side? Didn't anyone see what she'd done to him?

"Christian we all love you, and we're all here for you, but you need to put yourself in her shoes." Grace stepped in wanting to help her. If he wanted someone to blame, she'd give him someone, as long as Ana was back in his good graces, where she belonged.

"Coming from my mother, the other person I loved more than anything in this world, and what did she do? She betrayed just as much, maybe even more."

"I'm sorry Christian." Grace told him

"I don't care. You hurt me, my whole life, I've always been so grateful to you, you were my everything, my savior, how could you do this to me?"

"God, you're so full of yourself." Kate chided back at him. "You don't see all the great things that are right in front of you because you're too damn selfish and stubborn to admit when you're wrong."

"Everyone needs to calm down, where is Ana anyway?" Grace cut in.

"I'll go get her. " Christian said. Anything to get away from Kate, but if he was being honest everything she'd said was true.

As he went to the bedroom though, she was gone, all he found was a letter.

_Christian, _

_When you find this letter, I'll be gone. I can't do this not anymore. I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You've been my rock, my strength and my love. You have my heart and the truth is, it's on a permanent lock. And only you will ever hold the key. Meeting Cole was a mistake, sleeping with him was even bigger. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I'm even sorrier that I hurt you. When you accused me of not loving you though, something inside me changed, realization came thorough and I finally saw the light, we won't work. You can't forgive me for what I've done, and no matter how many times you tell me that you love me and want to work out it, the truth is you won't give me the time of day. And therefore, it's better to just end it now, I love you so much, so much that it hurts. I've had the worst year of my life without you, Christian and that's what makes this even harder. I'll always love you, no matter what, and I hope that somewhere deep inside of you that you'll love me too. I'm sorry that I disappointed you, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'll never bother you again, you'll never have to hear from the woman he broke your heart. Goodbye Christian. _

_Ana. _

Christian felt all the air in his lungs disappear. How the fuck did she even get out without security. Fuck! Cole was out there. God, this was all his fault. How could he be so cold towards her, how could he push her to leave because she thought he didn't love her enough to forgive her. He knew in that moment, that he just needed to find her.

As he ran out of the bedroom holding the letter, his family stared at him in confusion.

"TAYLOR!" He yelled and only seconds later, he appeared in the room

"What is it sir."

"Get the car ready, Ana's gone, and we need to find her before _he _does."

"Before who does?" Kate asked in concern and anger.

"It's not important right now, all you guys need to know is she's in danger, so if there is anywhere you think she might go you need to tell us." Taylor said with concern. Christian stood in shock as he handed him the letter.

"The grave. She used to go there every day. "Grace Suggested to both Christian and Taylor, recalling any place Ana had gone in the past year to think and all she could think of was the grave, she spent most of her time there.

"Let's go." Christian said, but he felt an arm pull him back

"No, you don't get to go, you're the reason she left in the first place. I swear to God, moneybags, if anything happened to her, you will fucking pay! " Kate told him.

"Let me fucking go, Kate. I'm going to tell you something I should have a long time ago, not everything is about you! I love her and despite everything we've been through that hasn't changed. So do your worst, call me a prick, call me cold, I don't give a fuck, you know what I am all of those things, but she loves me, why I'll never know. And I'm going to find her. And more than that, I'm going to be the one to save her, just like I always do. We're meant to be. So don't you dare stop me." Christian threw at Kate and without another word, vanished.

The drive over was the longest ride of Christian's life. He couldn't understand why she wouldn't take security with her. Despite it all, she knew Cole was out there.

"That's her car." Taylor said, as he pushed on the brakes and stopped the car, Christian opened his door and ran out.

What he didn't expect though, was to find the woman he loved laying on the ground brutally beaten.

"Ana!" He screamed as closed the space between them. As he looked to her almost unrecognizable face, his heart broke into a million pieces. He knew he was the cause of this, and words would never be enough to explain to her how sorry he was.

"Christian?" She croaked in barely a whisper

"I'm here, baby, I'm sorry. For everything. Why did you leave?"

"You don't…. You don't think I love you. And I couldn't stay there knowing….. You'll never love me…. E…. enough to. Forgive me. " She said

In the moment of seeing her almost leaving the world, Christian knew it didn't matter anymore. He had a lot ot work out, and they'd have to talk about it but he loved her. He loved her enough to be the better man he'd become since meeting her. He believed in forgiveness and redemption. Hell, Ana did the best she did with the business while he was away. It was because of her that he still had a company and then when he came back, she signed over every single bit of his fortune back to him, and he hadn't even asked. He forgave her. Just like she'd forgiven him for everything he's done.

"I forgive you, I do. Nothing matters Ana, not without you. We need to get you to a hospital. " Christian told her, as she gently lifted her, careful not to hurt her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment. " Ana told him and not soon after she lost consciousness.

Her throat was dry and her head ached, along with the rest of her body as Ana began to wake. She realized she was in the hospital, but she had no recollection of how she'd gotten here. The very last thing that Ana remembered was being attacked by Cole and left in the cemetery to suffer.

"Hey. " Christian greeted her as she moved her head to the right side of her bed,

"Hi, Christian. Why are you here?" She asked, feeling a sharp pain in her side when she tried to sit up

"I found you in that cemetery, Ana. When I realized that you'd left, I knew I had to find you."

"Why? You hate me." Ana told him softly, looking down at her fingers.

"I don't hate you, and I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way. When I came home, I expected everything to be the same I guess, and I knew it wouldn't be. I mean it was sixteen months later. I've hurt so much with the words I've said, and I regret it." Christian started. It was time that they finally talked, about everything.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Christian. But when you told me I didn't love you, you ripped a knife right through my heart. How could you ever even imply that you're not my entire world? I've loved you so much, I've hurt for you. Hell, I considered a BDSM relationship with you just because you said that was the only way I could have you. If that's not me loving you, then I don't know what is." Ana admitted the pain that he's caused her earlier that day. It still stuck with her, she could still see his cold grey eyes piercing into her as he'd said it

"I'm so sorry that I said that, I didn't mean it. Ana, I was just hurt and angry by the fact that you were with someone else, okay? Please believe me when I say that I love you more than anything in this entire world and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. A life without you is useless. Everything after you is like having whiskey. Once you've tasted a love that strong, you can't go back and you can't settle on anything less, and that's what gets me." Christian quoted.

"Are we quoting songs, Mr. Grey?"

"I believe I am. Ana, I just want you to know that nothing else matters except for us. Cole, Michael and Jack for right now they can wait. We need to work this out, we need to talk."

"I know, and I want to, but just for right now can you just hold me and tell me that you still love me?" Ana asked, they could talk later in the day but right now she needed comfort.

"Nothing else would make me happier." Christian said, kicked off his shoes and found his home. Right next to Ana. It was where he always belonged.

Song- Wine after whiskey by Carrie Underwood.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for the love and support. And I do apologize for all these unedited chapters hehe. See I'm always writing before or after I go to work, and If I try to edit, then I'll never get it done, I'll obsess about and then give up on the story. I just need to write for a living then I'll have all the time to edit. Ha. Anyways I hope you enjoy this. However I have a NASTY eight and a half hour shift tonight so You won't be getting anything until 10:30 my time. However I have the weekend off. Happy readings, loves.! Andddddd although some of you think It's rushed, I think you underestimate me. Just because they've made up now doesn't mean the hard times are over. As the chapter clearly said they still have A LOT of work to do. But I don't know if it's just my self doubt but I don't feel this chapter is a good one….._

"How is she?" Elliott asked as he slowly came into his room, as Christian began to quietly climb out of Ana's bed

"She's okay for the moment."

"Who did this to her?"

"Well, I haven't asked her yet, but I'm pretty sure I know who's behind it, but right now until I hear her say the words, I'm not going to get into it, " Christian warned. He knew that if his family knew the truth, they'd try to stop him from doing something stupid when the time came, something that needed to be done.

"I'm sorry about Kate, she's just protective of Ana, and you know that. Ana was such a mess when you left, when Ana had her breakdown, Kate felt like she'd failed her best friend, for not being there for her. And now she's just trying to make up for that." Elliott defended his wife

"It's okay, I get okay? You don't need to defend her, she went through a lot. As did Ana."

"I'm really glad you're back. When I thought you were dead, I felt like all my light disappeared and there were just so many things that I never got to say to you." Elliot started, remembering the very moment it had been presumed Christian had died.

"I'm glad to be back, I've missed you too Elliot. " Christian said, knowing exactly what his brother was trying to get at.

"Christian, the last thing I want to do is bring this up, you have every right to be upset, but go easy on mom. She loves you." Elliot told him, nervously. He knew Christian pretty well, and he knew that he was bound to be angry by Elliot suggestion.

"She betrayed me! " Christian ranted, feeling his anger coming back to surface.

"Christian, she thought she was helping Ana."

"Elliot, I can't forgive her. My whole life, she's been my rock, I've loved her since the moment she saved me from my past. She's my mother in every way and I trusted her to take care of Ana and instead she pushed him another man. Not just any many a dangerous one. So no one has the right to tell me to forgive her, or even to go easy on her, out of everyone in my life I trusted her the most. " Christian spat back. The truth was Grace had always been his strength and the fact that she hurt him in the worst possible way said that he just couldn't trust her.

"Christian it wasn't like that, you have to understand how much Ana was suffering and just how much mom wanted to help her."

"I can't deal with this right now! I have to be here for Ana right now."

"Why can you forgive her but not mom?" Elliot asked surprising Christian. The truth was the answer was simple. A part of him always knew there was a chance Ana could move on. There was always the chance that Christian would have never got out, but Grace was different. Grace was his mother, she was fight his battles, she was supposed stray Ana away from other men, not push her to them.

"It's just, it's really none of your business, now I need to go find mom and talk to her about something important, keep an eye on Ana, would you?" Christian asked, then glanced back at her in her bed and left the room

"I need to talk to you." Christian said to his mother when he found her at the nurse's station.

"What is it dear?" Grace questioned the look in his eyes. As she pulled him into a corner for a more private moment

"Have you seen Cole?"

"Christian, leave him be. Now Cole's a good man. I know that you're upset that he slept with Ana but…. "

"Mom stop. You think I give a fuck about the fact that he slept with Ana right now? God, I hate that I happened I'm not denying that, I'm still pissed off about it, but right now it's the farthest thing from my mind. Cole isn't a good man either, I bet the good ole doctor hasn't told you about his past, has he?"

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"First off he's the reason Ana is in that room right now. She hasn't said it, but Taylor witnessed him hitting her before. I know this was him. And secondly, years back, he was accused of hitting his ex. And sometime later in that year the woman was found dead in a lake after being beaten and raped. It was so bad they had to use her dental records to identify her. Cole also happens to be the son of the man who drove my biological mother to kill herself." Christian snapped

"Christian, " Grace's voice soften at her son's confession." Is that who's had you all this time?"

"Yes, Hyde, and Michael, and I'll explain that all later. I owe everyone an explanation on not only that but on how I was rescued. I'm sure the cops will be coming soon, my lawyer can only put them off so much. My point, mother, is that you need to tell me where Cole is if you know. I will not let him get away with what he's done to Ana. I vowed to protect her and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Christian, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. " Grace said, her face falling. Christian knew that he should probably tell her that it wasn't but he didn't.

"Do you know where he is?"

"He's not here. He called in this morning, which is why I'm here, It was supposed to be my day off."

"Sir, I hate to interrupt, but there's a problem with Ana. She woke to your absence and she's freaking out in her room. She thinks you've left her. " Taylor cut in, appearing out of nowhere.

"We'll talk later." Christian warned his mother then ran to Ana's room.

"No! I don't want to calm down, bring me Christian, he said he forgave me! Where is he? Oh, he hates me doesn't he? " Christian heard Ana scream as he got to her door

"Ana, do you want some water?" Elliot offered

"No. Where is he? He promised. Why isn't he here?"

"He had some things to take care of."

"Why did he leave me, he only said that to make me feel better didn't he? God screw this." Ana said to Elliot as she began to remove her IV, then her cannula, "I'm out of here."

She didn't care about the sharp pain that began to rise in her side, she didn't care that she wasn't strong enough for this, but she couldn't be here.

"And where do you think you're going?" Christian asked her with seriousness as he finally stepped in the room.

"You're here?" She questioned. She was both, confused and relived.

"Give us a minute. " Christian barked at Elliot who only nodded and left.

"I thought you left me."

"And I told you I wasn't going anywhere, I expect you to trust me. I don't like being questioned. Ana, you need to stop this, and calm down. " Christian said to her as he went to her and helped her back in bed "I'm not going anywhere, baby. I love you and I meant everything I said to you last night. Okay?"

Ana nodded. "Christian, I'm so sorry that I keep disappointing you, it's not what I want."

"You're not. You're just going through a hard time, which we need to talk about. I have my theories but in need a conformation, who did this to you?"

"Would you believe me if I said that I fell?" Ana asked. It wasn't so much that she wanted to protect Cole, she wanted the man to pay for what he's done. However Christian on the other hand, she did want to protect. She knew Christian's temper and she knew that once she confirmed this thoughts that he'd want vengeance. He'd end up going to Cole and cause a scene. And the truth was Cole was dangerous, she didn't want him to hurt Christian again.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Anastasia? A fall doesn't cause fractured ribs. A fall doesn't do that to your face! " Christian yelled at her "Why are you protecting him?"

"I'm not! I'm protecting you! I don't want him to take you from me again."

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere, but I need to know who did this so they can pay."

"I was Cole. I went to your grave because I wanted to talk to you, but you just wouldn't talk to me. I wanted to clear my head, and I just it was my fault you warned me not to go anywhere without security, but I didn't listen. I just didn't care because all I knew was I wanted to get away from there. I thought there was no possible way you could love me anymore, not after what I did. I never thought he'd find me. I'm so sorry.. "

"You don't have anything to apologize for, he does. No one hurts you and gets away with it. I love you and I'm going to get you justice. That fucker isn't going to know what hit him. I'm going to take away his career, I'm going to make sure that he's left with nothing and then I'm going to kill him."

"No, you're better than this, Christian. Please, be the better man." Ana begged his as she grabbed on to his arm as he began to leave

"He needs to pay."

"Don't go, don't leave me." She cried, still gipping on to him

Sighing, Christian climbed in bed with her. The last thing Ana needed was to deal with this, she needed him to be here with him. Cole would get what was coming to him later but right now, his focus was Ana.

"I love you so much, Ana. I'm so sorry that I pushed you away, and I'm so sorry I caused you to run." Christian told her, he felt he needed to apologize. After all, they wouldn't be here right now If he hadn't have let his temper get the best of him

"It's okay, you're here with me right now and that's all that matters. Christian, I have to tell you something, something that I've wanted to tell you for so long. Especially since you've been back."

Christian shifted on the bed so he was looking into her eyes. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"I was going to say yes."

"What do you mean?"

"When you asked me to marry you, I was going to say yes. I knew in the moment that you wanted me to be your wife that I wanted you to be my husband. That box I gave you, it was a keychain. It was accepting your proposal. I want forever with you."

"You were going to say yes?" Christian breathed. He had often wondered what her answer would be. He had always thought she'd say no. What would someone with her beauty want to spend forever with him?

"Yes."

"So marry me." Christian said, surprising her. It was the last thing she expected to hear from his mouth.


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: Thank you guys for all the wonderful reviews. I don't have to work until four, so I'm pushing for another update, but not sure. _

Ana stared in shock at Christian repeated his statement. It wasn't a question, he'd just told her to marry him, was he insane?

"What are you thinking, it drives me insane when you look at me that way and I'm not able to know what the cause of it is." Christian admitted to her. He'd just told her to marry him, and the truth was he wasn't entirely sure what she would say.

"We can't get married." Ana whispered in his ear. He felt disappointment run through him. He hadn't wanted anything as much as he wanted Ana to have his last name.

"Of course not, Ana I didn't mean I wanted to get married right now. That would be a bit irrational don't you think? The fact that not twenty four hours ago, I was telling you that I couldn't forgive you, hell I even accused you of not loving you. I meant that marry me someday, promise me that no matter what challenges that may carry us apart that we'll always stand strong together. "

"I love you Christian, and by your side is where I want to be. I love you so much, and I know that we have a long road to being us again, but I'm ready for that. I tried living without you Christian, and the truth is that I can't. Nothing means anything if I don't have you to hold on to." Ana replied in honesty as she replayed the past year over in her head. So much pain, so much anger, betrayal but worst of all so much loss.

"I love you too, baby. And I promise you that I'm going to take care of all of this, I'm going to make sure that Cole pays for what he's done to you." Christian promised as he watched her face fall at the mention of Cole's name.

"Christian, he scares me." Ana admitted. A month ago, Cole had been her support and know that only felt like a distant memory. Now Cole was an abuser, someone that terrified her to her end.

"I know, but you don't need to be afraid, I'm here and now, I'll never let anything happen to you. "

"He made me ugly." She spoke out before she'd even realized that she said them.

"Fuck that! You're the most beautiful sight I've ever seen .Bruises or not, you're still Ana. And I love you. Those bruises will heal. Your body will heal, and I'm going to be here for you, I am not letting you out of my sight for here on out.

"You have such a way with words Christian. " Ana told him. "I think we should talk now though."

"About what?"

"Well we keep putting it off, the fact is though, and you can tell me until you're blue in the face that you've forgiven me, but a part of you hasn't. The fact that I was with another man still upsets you. I think we have to talk this out. " Ana suggested, knowing this could go either of two ways. Christian could either get angry and brush it off. Or he could become the man she loved and work it all out as the adult he was.

"You're right, this is something that we need to approach. I don't want to be angry with you Ana, I've fought to long and hard to come back to you for me to now be angry with you. I'm upset, I'm hurt and I feel betrayed, but I'm not angry, not anyone. I still don't understand how you could just move on so quickly but Ana I promise you I'm trying my best to cope with everything I came to." Christian admitted. It was the truest thing he's said since finding everything out.

"Christian, I didn't so much move on. When I met Cole, I was an emotional wreck, I pretended that I didn't feel because the reality was that if I let my feelings so, I'd breakdown. So I pretended. And I know it was wrong, I know that I should have dealt with the loss and hurt I was feeling, but I couldn't. It killed me to try and make sense of the fact that you weren't coming back to me. So I turned to Cole. "

"Why did you have to sleep with him, that was always something that was so special to me, the fact that I was your first, and your last? You were mine, only mine. "

"In a way you I still am. Every time I slept with him, I'd imagine you, and I know it sounds wrong, and hell maybe it is. It's always been you though, I was lonely, Christian I didn't know where to turn, Cole was there. That's all it was. Nothing that I ever felt for him compares to what I feel for you. We're meant to be Christian, you're my one true love, my happily ever after. " Ana told him in a truth that she hadn't said out loud before. It all made sense now, looking back, Cole was only filling a lonely void for her, she'd never felt more than friendship for him though. "Just picture it reversed Christian, I know you say you wouldn't be with anyone else. But you'd want control wouldn't you? You can't tell me that you wouldn't go find a sub."

"I don't know Ana. I love you too much to ever be with anyone else. Maybe I'd be hurt but I'd never have sex again if it meant that I couldn't have it with you. I know that I should let it go, but Ana how do I let go knowing that you'll never be completely mine anymore?"

"I'm not perfect Christian and I think that's where your problem lies. I totally get what I did in a way was betrayal and maybe I was with someone way too soon. The thing is though, I never pretended to be perfect. I'm only human and I have flaws. And the pedestal you put me on, well that's our problem."

"You're turning this back around me now? You're the one who slept with someone else!"

"That's not what I'm saying, Christian, I'm admitting that I made a mistake, but you also need to accept that I'm no angel. I'm only human. You make me out to be some saint, and the truth is Christian, I'm far from a saint. I've made a lot of mistakes in my twenty three years."

"That's just it Ana, you're perfect to me! I wanted you to be the perfect Ana you were when I went missing. "

"But I'm not. I wear a halo, when you look you, but standing from here, you wouldn't say so. I just want to love you. " Ana quoted one of her favorite songs.

"And that's what I'm having the hardest time dealing with. Maybe I just need some space, I'm going to go. I need to talk to Taylor."

"Please don't go."

"Listen, I love you and I want to make this work, but right now I'm not sure if I have the strength. I think we need to see Flynn. I don't want to lose you but I don't want to have this hanging over our relationship for the rest of our lives. I'm not leaving you, but I am going to leave this room. I just need a few minutes, can you give that to me?"

"Okay. " Ana said but the thought of him needed to get away from her terrified her. She didn't want to lose him, but she felt like that was exactly what was happening. Would he ever be able to accept Ana for making mistakes? Would he ever get past the fact that she was with another man?

Leaving the hospital, Christian only needed time to clear his head, he wasn't sure where he was headed, so when he ended up at the little apartment Taylor told him about, he wasn't surprised. Knocking on the door, Christian expected the person inside to ignore him, but when he stood face to face with a man he hated with a passion, Christian didn't think before he punched him, knocking him to his feet.

"If you ever, hurt again the way you did the other night I swear on my life, that it'll be the last thing that you ever do." He warned Cole, narrowing an icy glare at him.

"Well, If it isn't Christian Grey." Cole said with an amusing smile, he knew this had been coming, he just didn't know when. As he rubbed a hand to where he'd been punch, he slowly stood up to face Christian

Christian didn't say a word, he just took a step closer and let his fist collide with Cole's face. He hated Cole for many reasons. Manipulating not only Ana, but Grace, sleeping with Ana, hitting her, but worst of, he hated him for the fact that he'd beaten her and left her in that cemetery to die. And no one did that, not to his Ana.

"Well aren't we angry?" Cole laughed

Grabbing Cole from the floor where he'd fallen Christian pinned him against a wall

"I swear to God, if you ever so much as look at her again, I'll have your head on a platter. Stay away from her, and if you ever physically abuse her again, I will personally make it my goal to make sure you have nothing left, and that's before I make sure your cold body is laying six feet under." Christian warned with an icy glare. He hated Cole maybe even more than Michael. Michael was all out for revenge, yes, but never hurt the thing Christian treasured most in this world.

"Oh, you're so naive. She belongs to me. And I'll have her again, as soon as I get you out of the way. Don't you worry. Did she tell you about our intimate relationship? How she let me touch her, how she let me run my hands all down her body, how she let me kiss her flawless skin, how she let me make love to her, how she said my name, I bet she did. Ana's too honest. And I bet the thought of her being with me tears your up inside. But my god she's great in bed. And I do plan to take her again." Cole spoke to Christian in amusement. He knew exactly how Christian would react and it was exactly what he wanted.

Christian didn't say another world, he tackled Cole to the ground and began to beat on him. Seconds felt like hours, and hours like days. Christian no longer cared about the consequences but he was going to make Cole pay for what he'd done, and he was going to make sure that he couldn't breathe the same air as Ana. Christian began pounding harder on Cole's face as he was pulled away. He didn't know who was pulling him off, but he was trying to fight them off, all he wanted was to kill the son of a bitch who'd hurt his Ana.

"Christian, this isn't the way. I want him as bad as you do, but don't kill him. You'll go away for life and Ana will have lost you again." Taylor's voice said in a desperate plea

"He wouldn't shut up, he just kept talking about how he had Ana. He wouldn't shut up. I fucking hate him, I wish he would fucking vanish from the earth. " Christian snapped. He never really resorted to violence, not after high school, but Cole had just pushed him too far.

"We need to get your hand checked out, and we need to get him to a hospital." Taylor said, noticing Christian's hand, bleeding and insanely red. It looked as if he had punched a wall of cement.

"Yeah, I don't think it will do me any good if he dies, especially not for Ana. Despite everything the man's done, she still has a heart."

"And you and I both know that's one of the many things you love about her."

"Is she okay? I told her I wouldn't leave and it's exactly what I did. I don't want her to be perfect, why am acting like such a moron? Why can't I just let this go and be happy with the love of my life?" Christian questioned his own mind

"Because when you left, you expected her to wait for you and emotionally she did, but physically she had to try. And that upset you, it's very understandable, Sir. The fact is though, this happened to Ana too, and you can't be mad at her for trying. " Taylor spoke. He'd watch Ana crumble with the walls around her, he'd watched her cry, listen to her cry until she was asleep. And in a way Cole had been a good distraction for her.

"I know. I need to get to her, apologize. And explain what she just happened, before he was the chance to tell her."

"Go, I'll get him there, you go to Ana." Taylor encouraged him and pushed Christian out the door.

From here on out, he was done being angry, the honest truth was he didn't know what he'd do if the roles had been reversed, there's a chance he might have even found a sub just to have some sense of control.


	27. Chapter 27

"What happened to your hand?" Ana asked Christian as he sat on the edge of her bed. It had been wrapped and bandaged as soon as his mother saw him coming into the hospital.

"There's something I need to tell you, Ana. And I don't want you to be angry with me, I hadn't planned it. It just happened."

"What did you do?" Ana questioned, feeling as if her heart was going to stop. She didn't like Christian's tone one bit and she was terrified for the next words that would come out of his mouth.

"I beat Cole." Christian admitted, finally letting out a breath.

"You did what? Christian, I thought we talked about this, you're the better man. Did you do this because he attacked me or because he's the reason I'm in here?"

"Both. I mean, I didn't intend to go to his apartment Ana. I just needed to get of here, I needed to take a breather so that I didn't get angry at you. I was afraid that if I stayed here, I might end up yelling at you, and that's the last thing I want. I feel like I keep going back and forth with you and that's not what I want. When I got there I didn't even let him open the door all the way before I punched him. I just thought about your face, and how the fact that you have fractured ribs because of him, and I snapped. I didn't intend to beat him, I only wanted to frighten him but he just keep talking about you two being together, and I couldn't, I just…. I just snapped Ana. I'm sorry. I know you don't like violence but.."

"Shhhh. " She told him patting the spot on the bed next to her, gesturing for him to sit next to him." I love you, you're my hero."

"I just beat the shit of a man you were intimate with and you're calling me your hero?" Christian laughed

"Yes, because that man I was involved with is a horrible person. He asked for it the minute he started rubbing the fact that we slept together in your face. Christian, I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to have to hear the details."

"I know, and its okay, I think I'm going to make an appointment with Flynn today, Ana. I think I need to work on finally getting past this. I love you, and if I ever want to have a future with you, we need this. You were right though, about me putting you on a pedestal and wanting you to be perfect. The truth is, I see you as innocent and beautiful. To me, you just can't do anything wrong. And I guess that's my problem because as you've said, you're only human and I can't judge you for making a mistake, not after everything I've done in the past. " Christian said in honesty. Remembering the very moment he screwed up in his relationship with Ana. It was just after they'd both realized they wanted more. She asked him to hit her with the belt, and he did. And after, he'd never felt so ashamed of himself. It was clear in that moment that he didn't deserve her. She forgave him though, and he was going to do the same. He just needed to work with Flynn to do so.

"I love you. And we'll be okay Christian, there's something I have to tell you now. " Ana approached the subject. She couldn't look at him, she only looked down at her fingers as she played with the corner of her blanket

"What is it?"

"I had Grace Contact the police, Cole needs to be arrested. I won't let him hurt me anymore, the beating was the last straw. I want hin to pay, not only for what he did to me, but for what he's done to you. And that girl he murdered. He deserved to be behind bars." Ana confided in Christian. Cole had once been the man she tried to love, the man that was there for her when no one else was, but now he was nothing more than someone she wished she'd never met, someone that had taken so much from her.

"Oh? And?"

"They're going to arrest him. For assaulting me." Ana explained.

"They'll have to wait. He was knocked unconscious when I beat him. Taylor is bring him here. " Christian informed Ana.

"You beat him unconscious?" Ana gasped in disbelief. Christian had never been violent.

"I told you I went after him, Ana, why are you so surprised? Fact is I hate the bastard. And the truth is that I wouldn't have stopped until his death was on my hands but Taylor reminded me that you lost me once, I couldn't let that happen again."

"Smart man." Ana smirked

"He is."

A knock on the door, interrupted their conversation. A doctor stood before them. "Hello, Ms. Steele. Glad to see that smile on your face."

"Hi, Dr. Kyle." Ana greeted "Is something wrong?'

"Actually something is very right, we're releasing you."

"Already but she's got fractured ribs and a sprained wrist, and didn't you say she had a concussion from the fall?" Christian immediately jumped in.

"There's no reason to keep her here, as long as she takes the prescriptions I prescribe, and takes it easy, which means a lot of rest, then she's going to make a full recovery. Of course, she'll need to make a follow up appointment so that we can examine her, but she's going to be just fine, Mr. Grey."

"Are you sure?" Christian questioned

"Yes."

"Positive?" He questioned again.

"Christian, will you stop worrying, he says I'm fine to go home, now will you shut up and get me out of here?" Ana joked. She loved having Christian worry about her, but the only thing she wanted to right now was go home and take a long hot bath and cuddle next to the man she loved.

_He watched them as they kissed, and he felt a knife stab through his bleeding heart. How could she do this to him? How could she choose him over everything he'd done? She was meant to be with him. Not Cole._

"_God, you're amazing. I love you so much. " Cole said as he kissed her neck, moving his hands to her hips. _

"_I love you too, Cole, God do I ever." Ana squealed as Cole pushed her into a wall and lifted her from the floor. She wrapped her legs around his waist as his pants fell to the floor._

_Christian couldn't believe what he was seeing when he got her naked and brought her to the bed. It was enough for him._

""_What the fuck is going on?" Christian demanded to know. _

_Grabbing the sheet, Ana wrapped it around her and stared at Christian _

"_Christian." She whispered_

"_How could you do this to me? I understood before but how, why now?"_

"_I've never loved you. I want to be with Cole." She said and by the look in her eyes, Christian knew she meant it. _

"_I told you that I'd have her again, just like this." Cole said as he turned to Ana and cupped her face, the softly planted a kiss on her lips. The kiss then deepened, and Ana found herself under Cole. _

"_Stop." Christian begged but the just kept going, Christian felt his heart shattering into a million pieces. How in the world could this be happening, Ana was his true love and he was supposed to be hers. _

"_Cole" Ana moaned in a way that she used to moan Christian's name. _

"_Ana! Stop. "Christian begged, but she didn't. He wanted to turn and leave but he couldn't bring himself to leave, he only fell to the ground as his knees gave out and watched the rest of their fuck session._

"_God that was amazing." Cole commented as he pulled out of her, and fell on the side of the bed_

"_I love you Cole. I love you more than anything." Ana said._

"Christian,! Christian wake up! " Ana yelled for what felt like the one millionth time. Christian had been tossing and turning for the past twenty minutes and she couldn't seem to wake him. When he finally woke, Ana could see the confusion and hurt written all over his face, he must have had a dream.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ana whispered in a gentle voice

"You're here? You're with me? God, it felt so real." Christian told her as he grabbed her and pulled her close to him. They were back at Escala, in bed after a long drive home from the hospital. Ana told Christian that she could sleep in the guest room, considering they were working things out but he was insistent on them being together in the same bed.

"What happened?"

"You were cheating on me, with Cole. I watched you make love to him, I heard you moan his name."

"Hey, I'm here, with you. I love _you. _Cole means nothing at all to me. It's you and me Christian, please don't doubt that. I won't ever leave you, you're the only man for me. No one will ever compare to you."

"God, I need to hear you say that again. "

"I love you, Christian, you're it for me. Do you understand that? You and I have something that Cole and I never did."

"What's that? A connection, a love. When you touch me, there's this electricity, I never felt that with him, I've never felt that with anyone but you. Believe me, please." Ana begged in hopes that Cole wouldn't hang over their relationship forever. She wanted him to be ancient, and gone.

"I do. I love you so much Ana. I can't breathe without you, don't leave me. A year is enough without you. Please don't make me suffer without you again. "

"I'm not leaving you, I'll prove it to you." Ana said and with that, she removed her nightgown, and planted her lips to his.

Christian deepened the kiss. He needed to feel close to her, he needed her the way he always did. Their intimacy was the one thing that always drew them together. Yet he knew this was wrong, they couldn't go there yet.

"No, Ana. Not yet. You're still healing. " He said in a demand

"We'll be careful." She told him, grabbing on to his shirt but he grabbed her hands,

"Not yet. "

"Do you not want me anymore?"

"Ana I want you more than anything. Fuck, I want you so bad I could probably take you again and again. I want you so bad I want to hear you scream my name so loud that the neighbors hear. I want you so bad, Ana but you're recovering, and I'm not going to risk that."

"Fine, but once I'm better it's on."

"Oh baby, it's so on." Chrisitan smirked just as Christian's new phone began to ring on the nighstand. He had transferred everything from his lost phone on to the new one. He had tons of new messages, but he hadn't a chance to listen.

"Grey." He snapped irritated

"Christian, it's your father. You need to get to the hospital."

"Why what's the matter?"

"It's your mother, she's in the hospital. She was attacked and they left a note. It's for you."

Christian didn't say anything as he flew out of bed and dressed. Ana didn't know what to feel as she put her robe around her and followed him in the bathroom.

"What's going on?"

"It's my mom, I have to go, and she's been attacked. Oh my God, what the fuck have I done? I've been torturing her for so long and now she's hurt I'm a horrible son." Christian cried as he pulled his shirt over his head

"You were hurt, you're not horrible. Do you know what happened?"

"No but we need to go, get dressed and get downstairs. I need you with me, I can't do this without you Ana." Christian said and before he left the room he pulled her into a long kiss, just to remind her how much he loved her.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the love and support of my story, you have absolutely no idea what this means to me. Now I do hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm sorry for the delay on the update, work has been kicking my butt probably the number one reason for unedited chapters and I do apologize for that. The story is almost over though, so I do hope you enjoy…. _

"What happened? Christian asked, as he burst through the doors of the emergency room, holding Ana's hand. It hadn't taken them long to get here.

Carrick met him in the middle of the room along with his siblings and their significant others. "We're not sure, she's being taken care of. Christian, she wasn't hurt badly, she just has a concussion and a sprained wrist, plus her face is pretty bad. The doctor said though that she would make a full recovery. "

"Who did this?"

"We're not sure, but Christian they left this for you. I haven't read it." Carrick said, handing him a small envelope with his name on it

_You hurt my son, I hurt the person you care about most in the world, you're lucky that girlfriend of yours was out of reach. You may have gotten away, but this is far from over. _

_-M-_

Christian clenched the letter in his hand as he fisted it in a ball. He knew that Michael was protective over Cole, he was his prized possession. And because Christian let his anger get the best of him, his mother, whom he'd treated very badly in that past week, was no beaten to a pulp the way Ana had been. The only difference was Ana was beaten because of Christian, Grace was.

"I need to see her" Christian demanded, letting go of Ana's hand and letting the note fall to the floor. The only thing he knew was that his mother was here because of him, all he knew was that he had been a horrible son, and he needed to be with his mother, he needed to apologize.

"You can't right now, the doctors are checking her vitals."

"I don't give a fuck. I will buy this entire hospital, I will break down every door, I'll fire every doctor I have to, but I am going to see my mother, you try and stop me." Christian fought back at Carrick, he was going in, with or without the consent of everyone around him

"There's no need to do all of that, Mr. Grey, your mother is free to have visitors." A doctor appeared out of the closed door.

"Good." Christian said, and then he vanished from his spot and into her room

She looked different. Her face was beaten, bruises circled each eye. He could see scratches and dried blood trailed down her cheeks, where her simple beauty had been hours before was now a beaten face. It hurt Christian on the inside to see his mother like this, she has an ace bandage on her left wrist, and her eyes looked up at Christian and she gave a shy smile.

"I'm so sorry." Christian apologized, as he fell to his knees in front of her. " I'm so sorry for how I've been acting mom, I'm so sorry. I should have protected you, this was my fault."

"Don't you do that, dear. You're not responsible for what happened to me any more than you're responsible for rain falling from the sky.

"I've been so horrible to you, I've said and done things that hurt you, but I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, mom. You're my hero, you saved my life all those years ago and I don't ever want you to think I don't appreciate that."

"You don't need to worry Christian, I know all of this. You needed time to work through your feeling, you needed time to accept that I pushed Ana and Cole together, I understand. Don't blame yourself."

Even with the words being said though, Christian wouldn't stop blaming himself. He did this, he was the one who put his mother's life and danger, and for that he deserved to be punished.

"I deserve everything wicked that comes my way, mom, I let you get hurt by the person that wants revenge on me. I'm so sorry, I never wanted this to happen. I know that I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. I forgive you, mom, I'm not mad at the fact that you pushed Ana to Cole anymore, just don't ever scare me like that again, I'm so sorry." Christian cried as she slowly climbed on to the bed with Grace and sat before her

"Hey, listen to me, okay? You're my son, you mean the world to me. When I found out that you were dead, or so we thought, my entire world crushed around me. You've always been my son, despite the fact that you have none of my blood running through your veins. I remember when I first saw you, my heart melted for you. I knew in that moment that I wanted to live each day for the rest of my life with those grey eyes in my presence. You have no idea just how much I love you, how could you, you're not a parent. And no matter what happens, I will never stop loving you." Grace pleaded with him. Christian was her son in every way, biology doesn't determine parenthood, the amount of love and nurture that you put into it does.

"Mom, I don't want to be angry with you anymore. When I got that call, that you were here, the only thing that crossed my mind was that I never got the chance to tell you that I forgive you. I don't want to live knowing that I'm angry with you for something that you thought was right. I understand, and although I don't like it, I don't like not talking to you more. Please tell me that you can forgive me, tell me that you won't hold my coldness against me." Christian begged, but if she were to tell him that she couldn't forgive him, he would completely understand.

"Sweetheart, there's not a thing that you need forgiveness, your reaction was completely understandable. Towards both Ana and myself. We hurt you, the reason doesn't really matter, it still happened. We love you though, and if we had thought there was any possible way to have you back, Christian, we would have done it. The last thing we wanted to do was make you think we didn't miss you. You didn't see her when you were away, every day for Ana was like a bad nightmare she couldn't wake from. Seconds felt like hours. Christian, I pushed her to this, and for that I'm sorry. She loves you though, she never did stop. " Grace said to her son, as she reached out her injured arm to him and placed her hand on his cheek "It's always been you. Hold on to that."

"I know, mom. I know that she loves me, I love her too, and I've promised to work this out with her and I have no plans on going back on that. She's my more, she's my lifeline, without her I can't function. I'll get through this, I just have to see Flynn. I know I'll be okay though mom. As long as I have everyone I care about. And I promise you that I'm going to find the person who did this to you, and get you justice. "

"Christian Trevelyan Grey! You will do no such thing, you're leaving this to the police, whom have already been called and should be here at any moment. You are going to, for the first time in your life, listen to your mother and let the police do their job. You just got your life back, your family, you're going to be an uncle in five months, you have a woman who loves you entirely too much, now stop this need to have control and get out there and be with her. Send your father in, I need him." Grace snapped at Christian, but Christian didn't move a muscle.

"I'm not leaving you, do you understand that? I need to be here with you."

"You don't. Go home, come back in the morning."

"I said I'm not leaving you."

"Christian, I know that you're going through a lot, and you feel responsible, but honey, I swear that I'm fine. I need to know that you're okay just as much as you know that I'm going to recover. I'll be fine, I don't need you around here to hover though, and we both know that's exactly what you're going to do." Grace commented, as she tucked her uninjured arm under her blanket

"Mom, I don't want to leave you, please don't make me. Maybe I need to be here more than you need me to be. I just need to stay with you, Ana will understand. " Christian told his mother, his eyes begging her not to make him leave, but Grace wasn't budging. She was pushing him out, not for her but for him. Ana needed him and they needed to go home to rest. Grace was sure that she'd be just fine.

"Christian, I want you to go home, not because I don't want you here, but because of Ana. Ana needs rest and we both know that she's not going to leave your side. I gave Elliot this same speech earlier about Kate. We both know that Kate and Ana are very stubborn but loyal, and they'll stick by both of you men no matter their state of health. Ana still has fractured ribs, remember? The last thing that she needs is to be out all night, she needs to be resting. " Grace informed her son, feeling her doctor instincts coming to surface.

"Fine, but I'll be calling every five seconds, don't you dare doubt that." Christian chided, as he leaned down to kiss his mother on the forehead. " I love you, please know that."

"I do know that, Christian, and I love you too, more than anything in the world. "

"I know. I'll see you tomorrow mom, get some rest. " Christian said then left the room.

"How is she? " Carrick asked departing from the place he stood with a detective.

"She's asking for you."

Carrick said nothing, he just nodded and went to be with the woman he loved.

"Mr. Grey, I presume. " The detective said, as Christian made his way over to Ana who was no talking with the detective

"What is it I can do for you?" Christian snapped. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to him

"We need to talk, we've been contacting you for a week now, and you keep sticking your lawyer on us. And then we come here tonight and find out that your mother has been attacked and it's all in a connection to what happened to you." The detective said, holding up the crumpled up piece of paper that Christian threw on the ground before seeing Grace.

"I have nothing to say yet." Christian said. The truth was he wanted no part in discussing Jack, Linc, and Michael. Or even Cole for that matter.

"You have no choice, this is my job and you're keeping information. Now If you don't talk I can only assume that you disappearing was a part of a plan of yours. Maybe you had a connection and a hand in all of this." The detective speculated as Christian threw an arm around Ana's shoulders.

"He would never do that!" Ana said, coming to his rescue. Christian would kill himself before he forced his life a part from Ana's.

"Well can only gather so much if he refuses to speak."

"Christian, you have to tell them."

And in that moment, Christian knew, there was no more avoiding it, no more running away, he had to tell them all the truth about what happened. Not only with Michael but how he was rescued, it was finally time for him to come clean.


	29. Chapter 29

_A/N: Thanks so much for your love and support for this story you rock._

_It had been at least three hours since Elena had left Christian. She promised that Taylor was on his way, but how could he be? Christian knew Taylor well enough to know that if he was coming he's be gone already. Maybe Elena had lied, Christian had been so hopeful that he believed her. Maybe Elena was on Linc's side after all. As he let his head fall back on the pillow Christian couldn't believe that he let himself get his hopes up over this. How could he let Elena trick him into believing that he was going to get out? He was doomed, and the honest truth was that he was stuck here. He may never get back to Ana in this case. Christian was just done trying, what was the point anymore? He didn't have the woman he loved, and there was no possible way to escape. He was finally giving up and the truth was he'd rather be dead that in this place for one more day. Maybe they'd finally kill him, isn't that where this was leading up to anyways? _

_As he began to close his eyes, a massively loud smash came through the room and he jumped from his spot. The sound scared him, he wasn't sure if he could turn around to fate what he was about to be met with. As he did though, he'd never been happier. _

_Jason Taylor stood before him. Christian felt his body relaxed as he let out a breath of relief. _

"_Well, it's good to see you're still alive. " Taylor said as he slid the shattered, glass door open. _

"_I wasn't sure Elena was being honest with me. It's been hours."_

"_We ran into some difficulties, speaking of which we need to work fast because I'm pretty sure Jack and that Michael fucker are going to be down here at any moment. We need to head out, Christian. They've figured it out. " Taylor said, as he tried pulling Christian out, but Christian stopped _

"_How did you even get in here? How did you find me? This place is covered with men to keep watch when the bastards go out and torture pour souls around the world." Christian Stated as he drew his eyebrows together in confusion and massaged his forehead trying not to let all the confusion consume him. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Ana. Right now. _

"_It's a long story, let's just say with the right amount of money, you can pay anyone off. And for those loyal bystanders, well let's just say I hope they find better days in the next life. " Taylor smirked remembering the moments that had led up to him being in the same room with Christian. "One of the men we paid off led us to another way to you that didn't involve running interference with Jack or Michael. However, one of the men, he was a loyal one, ran off before we could get to him and I'm guessing that at this very moment he's telling them everything. And they're bound to come down here." _

"_Taylor! " Sawyer yelled from behind him_

"_What is it?" Christian asked before sawyer had the chance to speak. Sawyer had blood running down his face, yet he showed no signs of weakness "And what happened to your face?"_

"_Jack and Michael are shooting at us out there, they've killed Jacobs. We need you out here, and we need to get Mr. Grey out they sent someone down here to check, and he should be … " _

_Sawyer never got to finish his sentence though as the door flew open. Christian had expected it to be one of their minions, he'd expected it to be anyone but the person who he was faced with. It was Linc. It had been the first time they'd made an appearance, and he'd been holding a gun._

"_Well, well, if it isn't the billionaire trying to escape." Linc smirked _

"_You finally have the guts to show your face, huh?" Christian questioned him. He spent months wondering if he'd ever see him when Jack first mentioned that he was involved. He never showed though, he had plenty of chances to, but not once did he until now. _

"_Oh, Christian, I was busy funding all your hospital care. Remember?"_

"_Why do you need to fund my care when you have a fucking doctor on your side, Linc? Remember you have that God damn bastard child of Michael's." _

_Linc only smirked, he knew of Cole, and he knew exactly what Christian's reaction would be if he ever knew everything Cole had taken from him. _

"_Why the fuck did you guys even keep me alive?" _

"_We didn't want you die, that would be too easy, you deserved to suffer the way you've put all us through suffering. " _

"_You mean when I screwed your wife? God, Linc that was fucking years ago. I was A fucking kid, I didn't know what was going on, all I knew was she was throwing herself at me. Perhaps if you'd kept her satisfied she wouldn't have come on to me." Christian fought back. He didn't care about Elena, not in that way, not anymore the only thing he wanted was to get his life back, to be with Ana again, and finally find out the answer that's been driving him insane for months, to find out if she'd be his bride. _

"_I don't give a fuck how old you were, she was mine!" Linc yelled _

"_You're such a child, if you had to go through all of this just to get revenge on a wife that probably never loved you." Taylor stepped in, pulling out his gun "Now you've got two choices, you can either get the fuck out of our way, or I'll put a bullet through your heart. " _

"_Fuck no! He's not going anywhere, not until we finish what we've started. "Linc replied, _

_And after that statement, he quickly grabbed the gun he'd been carrying, he lifted it to shoot, and one of the guns had been shot. _

_It wasn't Linc's. _

"_Is he dead?" Christian asked, still feeling the shock of what almost happened. He was almost shot, if it hadn't been for Taylor, he could be dead right now._

"_No, he's got a pause. The police have been called, so they'll find him. Get him to a hospital, for now though Christian, we need to get you out of here." Taylor said as he put his fingers to Linc's neck "I know of one very lonely woman who's in desperate need of her prince." _

"_How is she?" Christian finally asked. _

"_Not good, I have no time to explain, but she needs you. Let's go." Taylor said dragging him out of the broken door, as the stepped over Linc. _

"_Well, well, if it isn't the prisoner." Michael said, coming into sight just as Taylor, Sawyer and Christian made it around the corner. He was pointing a gun at the three men. _

"_Step back." Sawyer threatened, as he stepped in front of Christian. He was going to do whatever it took to make sure Christian got home._

"_All your other men are dead, as well as ours, so it's just us." _

"_And you think it's a fair fight?" Taylor laughed. Jack and Michael were immature, as where Taylor and Sawyer had training. _

"_We know it is." _

_As Michael went to take a step forward, the sound of sirens began to surface. Michael knew there was no way he could both, kill them and escape it was one or the other. Vengeance could come later. He bolted from the scene, grabbing Jack, and never looked back as he ran. _

"And you've been avoiding us because? " The cop tried to figure out.

"Detective Ryans, with all due respect, I've had the past sixteen months stolen from me, time I'll never get back. I came home expecting everything to be the same, but it wasn't. Everything that I left was completely different when I returned. And the last thing I wanted to do talk to cops about the reasons my life took a complete one eighty. "

"That's understandable, but in the future Mr. Grey, let us do our job. You say that Cole fits into this somehow, but I would like to know how."

"He's Michael's son. And from what my security team has gathered Cole might be responsible for the murder of someone he was romantically involved with. And the person looks almost exactly like my girlfriend, which is why he didn't reject the offer when his father brought him the plan to be my doctor after the crash. " Christian started as he looked over his shoulder to find Ana talking with Elliot and Kate

"We'll work on finding out more, but for now it would be best if you hired more security for your entire family, and anyone you care about. Chances are these men aren't going to stop. Cole will be going to a holding cell when his doctor clears him, not only for the fact that he attacked Ms. Steele but because she found a box that was yours in his belongings. We'll be questioning him, and hopefully he'll get scared enough to come clean. I promise you that I'm going to do everything I can to put these men behind bars."

"I trust you to do so, now I apologize but Ana is supposed to be resting, and I need to get her home. "

"Go ahead, I'm just going to go talk to your mother, then I'll need to get started on preparing for the case." The detective told him then left him in his spot.

"Are you okay?" Ana asked Christian as they lay in bed two hours later.

"I'm fine."

"I saw you when you were talking to him, trying to relive that horrible nightmare, it must have been hard." Ana stated, not able to even understand how Christian could be so strong after what he'd been through.

"I have you, and you give me strength, that's all I need, baby. I just need a life with you."

"Why didn't you tell him about Elena, or how Taylor even found you, or even how Taylor got it out of Elena?"

"Sweetheart, that's all for another time. Tonight, I just want to hold you until I fall asleep and try and forget about this disastrous nightmare. " He told her, with sadness to his voice. All he could think about was his mother. He'd been so stupid. How could he possibly let Cole get to him the way he had? And now his mother was paying the price of his own actions. The guilt was consuming him and he knew more than anything that he needed to put a stop to it.

"I love you Christian." Ana told him as she lifted her head up just enough to look him in the eyes. God, did she love his Grey eyes.

"I love you too, Ana. I always will and I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep you, and the rest of our family safe."

"Our?" Ana questioned. He'd never called his family "our family" before. She liked the sound of it though.

"Yes, you're going to be my wife someday, and so my family is yours just like yours is mine. "

" Yeah, but first we have to see Flynn."

"Already done, I made an appointment for tomorrow, we're going to have separate sessions and then before time is up, he wants us to have a session together, we're going to go over before we go see mom at the hospital, okay?"

Ana nodded, as she placed her head back on Christian's chest. She was thankful to have him back, despite everything that happened, he was her rock, and he was her strength, without him nothing else mattered. Nothing at all. "Okay."

"Now get some sleep, the doctor said as much sleep as you can get would be good for your recovery."

"Yeah, I know." She said, as she felt his lips on her forehead and soon after she drifted off.

Maybe they'd get through this after all.


	30. Chapter 30

_: First off I would like to say thank you for all of my followers, everyone who has supported me, everyone who's been there for me, and everyone who has ever left a review, good or bad. Because I need the bad ones just as much as the good ones. It makes me a better writer._

_But there is a fine line between being honest and just being out right rude. To the two guest reviewers that have told me that I need to take Lessons from KLCM, because she knows what she's doing and my story is too rushed and has turned to crap, then don't read it. Kirsty is an amazing writer, and someone that I do indeed look up to as a writer. I have been writing since I was ten years old, and I've never in my life let anyone bring me down, I'm not going to start now. I will not let your bring my story down all because it didn't go the way you planned. If there's one thing I know about myself it's that, I've always been different, I never try to be like anyone else, I'm independent and different, and therefore I'm not Kirsty. I never will be. And while she's amazing I don't want to be her, I'm loving this story just he way it is. Maybe I'm biased because I'm the writer, but I won't change it. And do you know what's worse? The fact that you rude guests say you're done with the story and KEEP reading it, what's up with get off your high horse and either enjoy the story, or don't. I don't care. _

_I have 425 followers on this story, and that's amazing. I won't let the people who don't even have the guts and say what they need to say while logged in get to me anymore. _

_I hate ranting on Author notes but I do feel the need to get my point across. _

_That was a bit bitchy, I apologize._

_Now to that guest reviewer who told me that she didn't understand why people were comparing me to Kirsty and that I'm not her and my story was amazing, I sure do wish you would have logged in so I could thank you independently. Your review meant a lot to me, and I sure do hope you know that it's guest reviewers like you, that make all of us writers appreciate the fact that there is an option for guest reviews. _

_I'm really sorry for the Long rant. _

_Now let's get to the point of this note. I want to first say that I love you all very dearly, and I love fanfiction, but I'm going to be taking a break. Not a long one just a week or so, and it's not because of nasty reviewers or because I'm giving up on this story but because I have a lot going on in my life. My grandma, she's sick. She's got a type of cancer and I really need to start spending time with her when I'm not working .And not only that I've just got an opportunity to make all my writing dreams come true, and I really want to focus on that. I'll still be giving you snippets of Facebook, but I thought I owed it to all of you to let you know. And now that I've got 258 likes on my author's page, I'm going to be focusing on my originals for a bit. But don't you worry, you'll get beautiful Tragedy when you least expect it and you're going to be wide eyed and mouth open when you see where it's about to go. _

_I love you all and I hope you all can understand. I love you guys. :D _


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N: First off I would like to say thank you for all of my followers, everyone who has supported me, everyone who's been there for me, and everyone who has ever left a review, good or bad. To anyone who's read my original work, to anyone who's liked or share my authors page. It means so much. And thank you so much for understanding about my grandmother. That means so much. And thank you for all of your kind wishes and prayers that means more than you'll ever know. And I've started an author page about a week ago, and I'm almost at 400 likes, and since that it's really made those horrible reviews not so bad. If you care to like though, I'd appreciate it. I had no plans on writing or even updating this story this week, but as I've been feeling down lately, and not about my writing, but about the things I've got going on in my personal life, I've decided that I'm going to use this story as an outlet. NOW THIS CHAPTER IS UNEDITED. I'M SORRY! _

_Sorry about the long Author's note, happy readings!_

"It hurt like hell, knowing that she was with another man. " Christian answered Flynn's first question of his private session. " At times I wonder if I'll ever completely be able to move past what happened between her and Cole."

"That's very understandable, but let me ask you something Christian, before you met Ana, you had been with a lot women, so why is the fact that she was with one other person beside you, so hard for you to grasp?"

"Because she's mine. She was my beautiful, loving, compassionate, innocent Ana. It's what attracted me to her in the first place. Her wide blue eyes, the way she saw the world in a way that no one else did. And then in one moment, after she told me the truth, it just seemed like all of that was gone. " Christian admitted. Ana was always supposed to be his. No one else's, he was the only man that she was ever supposed to belong with and now a part of her belonged to someone else.

"Christian, do you realize what she went through, all the hurt, all the anger, the feeling lost? I've never seen her so broken as I did this past year, and all I wanted to do was help her. The truth was though, there was no way to help someone who didn't want to be helped. Ana became reckless, she became distant, and most importantly she became lonely, and Cole was there to fill that void that she felt the instant she though that she had lost you. Ana tried convincing herself that she could live a life without you."

"Why would she do that though, if she loved me, John, why would she ever try to move on? I've forgiven her, well I keep saying I do, and I want to, but a part of me just feels like I can't. She hurt me, in the worst way possible, how do I move on from that? How do I continue to stay her knowing that she'd not really mine anymore?"

"Christian, she's yours. She had an intimate relationship with another man, yes, but that girl loves you more than anything. I've never seen a love so strong. The way you look at each other, the way her light up when you walk into a room, the way you go from being a stone cold CEO to being a mushy man in love. Christian don't let one tiny thing, get in the way of all your plans. "

"I asked her to marry me, before I went missing. " Christian confessed as he thought about Flynn's words. Love so strong? Did he have that with Ana? Could their love survive the storm that had just passed?

"She told me, she wanted to say yes." Flynn stated in hopes that would give Christian an insight on how much Ana really did love him.

"She told me that, but John, if she was going to say yes, how could she stab me in the back like this? She tore out my heart and left it bleeding on the floor. God, what's even worse is that I keep thinking about his hands all over her. Fuck, did they do it in my apartment too? "Christian snapped as realization set in. She had been living there, if she was with another man, then it wouldn't be absurd that she invited him over, right? Escala was his though, if she'd betrayed him in his own home, then it was over. There would be nothing left of Ana and Christian.

"Christian, do you honestly think Ana would do that to you? She tried moving on when she thought that you were _dead, _but do you honestly believe in your heart, that she would ever bring another man to a place the two of you shared together? Do you really think she's changed that much. Despite everything she's still that kind, loving woman you met almost two years ago. She loves you, she never once stop, so don't you start question that. "

"Do you know for a fact that she didn't?" Christian questioned. He couldn't stop his mind from wondering through all the possibilities. And right now his odds were betting that Ana and Cole were together in Escala.

"You always did think the worst." Flynn commented as he looked at his watch "Unfortunately our time is up, it's a shame Ana couldn't attend today's session like we'd planned."

"She had an appointment. Taylor is with her though, she's safe."

"Christian, don't overthink this, okay? You and Ana have a lot to work out, but you can get through this, don't let Cole, or this situation get the best of you."

Christian only smiled "Bye John."

He left without another word. He needed to talk to Ana.

She knew she was making a mistake the moment she walked into the hospital room. After her appointment, Ana told Taylor she was heading to the bathroom, but instead of being truthful to her words, she found Cole's room.

"I'm so glad to see you, I knew you wouldn't stay away." Cole said with a wide grin as Ana walked into his hospital room. She knew that once Christian found out where she was, it would start a massive fight, but she needed all of this to end, she wanted to be able to move on with Christian, and until Cole was dealt with, she wouldn't be able to.

"I'm not here for you, exactly. I'm here for me. " Ana explained, her voice was cold. The last thing she wanted to do was lead him to believe that she cared for an instant about him. She didn't. Not anymore. How could she care about someone that took the love of her life away? How could she care for someone who was a murderer?

"Don't say that, I know you still love me, or you can. Ana, he's not right for you. He's a prick." Cole fought back. He didn't care what it was he had to do, but Ana would be his for eternity.

"I love Christian. Christian Grey, he's a lot of things, complicated, intoxicating, consuming, controlling, but he's also sweet, loving, he gives me everything I need, and just when I think I can't love him anymore than I do, he does something amazing. And you are nothing compared to him. In fact, even if it won't happen anytime soon, I'm going to marry that man someday. I'm going to be Mrs. Christian Grey. And nothing you do will ever change my mind. " Ana told him as she walked to his bedside. She needed to look him in eye as she told him just how much she hated him.

"Sweetheart, you won't marry him. You belong to me. You always have, since the moment I met you, and you always will." Cole told her as she sat farther up on the bed. As she walked to his bed, she noticed that one of his wrists were handcuffed to the bed, Ana could help but to let out a small laugh.

"Why did you have to call the police, Ana? What we have is special." Cole told her as his hazel eyes darkened.

"You hurt me, Cole. Don't you get that? You did this to me!" Ana raised her voice as she pointed to her still bruised face. " You beat me, Cole, horribly. And you fractured my rib. Do you have any idea how much that hurts physically? Because of you I thought Christian would never want me again. "

"That was the fucking point Ana, you don't belong with him, YOU ARE MINE. "

"No, I'm not. I never was, I've always belonged to one person, and what we had, it meant nothing. I was just lonely, and if I live the rest of my life and never have to see you again, I think I'm going to be okay with that. Let's get one thing clear, I hate you. I hate you so much! I look at you and all I see is a man that used me in the worse possible way, you took my life and turned it into a nightmare and I just came here, to give you this." Ana told him, as she held the diamond bracelet he'd given her on her birthday.

"It's yours, please keep it. " Cole begged her with pleading eyes.

Ana ignored him as she walked to his bedside and set the bracelet in his free hand. It was the biggest mistake she ever made though, because as she pulled back, he grasped her arm tightly causing her to fall in the seat beside him.

"Let me go, Cole."

"No, you're going to fucking listen to me, you need to break up with him and you need to do it now, if you don't I swear to God, that I will destroy him. I will make his life a living hell, if you don't come back to me. "

"I'm pretty sure you're not going to be able to do anything from that fucking prison you'll be in. " Ana heard Christian's voice cut in from behind, "Let her go because I kill you right here, right now."

Cole obeyed.

"What the hell are you doing here, Anastasia? I thought I made it clear that you weren't to come to here, especially not alone."

"I just needed to give him something, Christian, I'm so sorry."

"Taylor and Sawyer are outside waiting, go. Now."

"Christian, I'm not leaving without you, "

"I said to go, and I'm not playing games. I need to talk to your ex here, and I need you to get out."

"Christian," Ana started but he only put a hand up at her

"Now."

"I'm not a child."

"Then stop acting like one."

"Whatever. I guess I'll see you when you're done. " Ana told him, tears pricking her eyes. She couldn't understand why he'd been so cold, but she had a feeling it had to do with her.

"That was cruel." Cole commented, as he clenched the bracelet in his hand.

"Shut up, you're going to listen. I don't know where he is or what the fuck he think he's going to accomplish, but you tell your father, if he ever comes near my family again, if he ever lays one hand on my mother, or my girlfriend, or anyone else that I care about, I'll kill him. " Christian threatened

"Good luck with that, he'll take you down in a heartbeat."

"I doubt that, Your father, Jack, Linc and you, you're all nothing. You're worthless, and none of you will ever amount to anything. In fact, I'm going to make sure that you lose everything, your career, your life, and each and every one of you are going to suffer the way you made my family suffer. And if you ever go near Ana again, I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"Oh, Mr. Grey, I think you should watch who you're talking to. My father is out there, and he's still not forgiven you for the horrible way that you treated his precious son."

"Is that what we're calling murders these days? I've been in contact with a detective you may know, one that believes that you're responsible for the death of your ex, what was her name again? Oh right, Rachel, what a beauty she was, I finally understand your fascination with Ana."

"Shut up."

"You won't ever have her again, Ana is mine, and she always will be. While you're rotting in jail, it's my name she'll be screaming all night long." Christian smired then left the room.

Cole was heated, and he knew that somehow and some way he'd have Ana again, his plan was already in motion.


	32. Chapter 32

_A/N: I'm honestly not sure if it's the fact that I love my new story Reckless, or the fact that my Author's page is doing so well, but I'm not sure I like this chapter. I know what you're thinking… I'm sure it's a great chapter, I just feel like it could have been better._

_Anyways, I want to give a big Thank you to those of you who support me and continue you to read my stories, you'll never know how much that means to me. _

_You guys rock. Happy Readings!_

"Where have you been?" Ana questioned Christian with an angry tone as he walked through their bedroom door where she sat on the bed staring at a picture of the two of them.

"Out." He snapped, as he stripped off his clothes, until he was standing in his boxers

"What's wrong Christian, why are you treating me like I've done something wrong?"

"Because you have, Anastasia, how many times have I asked you to do what you're told? God, why do have to continue to defy me? I'm trying to give you the world, I am trying to give you all that I can, and what do you do? Ana you ran to Cole, what the fuck were you thinking?"

"I had to give him something." Ana told Christian in honesty, the last thing she wanted was for Christian and her to get into an argument, but she could feel that this was exactly what it was turning into.

"What the fuck was so important that you had to go see him without Taylor?"

"I had to give him back a gift he'd given me for my birthday, Christian, listen I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, but after my appointment, I just wanted him to know how much I hated him. I love you Christian, " Ana said, as she reached for his hand, but he only moved away from her.

"Did you bring him here? " Christian finally asked the question that had been weighing on his mind.

"What do you mean?" Ana questioned him in confusion

"Cole? Did you bring that piece of trash to my home and sleep with him in my bed? Did you fuck him in the home I pay for?" Christian asked her, the anger in his voice increasing with each word I spoke.

Ana felt her heart drop. How could he ever think that? Why in the world would she ever trash Christian's memory in that way?

"Answer the question." Christian demanded, stepping closer to Ana, his icy grey eyes glaring at her.

"No."

"Sure about that?"

"I hate you." Ana told him, and without another word she ran to what used to be her sub room.

She wasn't sure how long it was that she lay on the bed and cried. Christian really hated her, how could she ever think that he ever for a second believe that she would bring Cole back here to sleep with him? Ana knew in the moment that she stopped crying that she couldn't bear to take all this pain anymore. As much as she loved Christian, she just couldn't be with him, not this version of him. He either forgave her, or he didn't, but she wasn't about to stay in be a punching bag for him, she made a mistake, a huge one and she regretted it every day since, but she made up for that already.

As she went to leave the room, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

"Hello?"

"Anastasia, it's finally nice to talk to you." The unfamiliar, man's voice said with what sounded like an amused tone.

"Who is this?"

"My name is Michael, I think you've might have heard of me, in fact, you've dated my son, Cole."

"How did you get my number? And what do you want from me?"

"You know it must be a shame to always have to work for his love, you'd never had to do that if you'd just say with Cole. Christian won't ever forgive you, the man's made of ice and steel. "

"That's not true." Ana whispered, as she tried containing her emotions so that she wouldn't cry.

"Think what you want, I have a warning, something I need you tell Christian." Michael replied, worrying Ana. Why hadn't he just called Christian, how did he even get her number?

"Why don't you call him?"

"Ana, Ana, it's more fun this way. I need you tell Christian, game on. Tell him I terribly sorry to hear about his brother's wife and I'm sorry that he won't have a chance to be an uncle."

Ana felt the anger wise in her as she realized that Michael had been talking about Kate. "What did you do to Kate?"

"I should be going now, don't forget to tell that bastard what I've said."

Ana didn't hesitate to hang up as she began to call Kate. The line went straight to voicemail.

"Pick up the phone Kate, oh God, this can't be happening. "

Running back to the bedroom, Ana found Christian dressing.

"What is it Anastasia? " He asked her in a cold voice "There's no time to talk about us right now, besides you hate me, remember?"

"Why the hell do you have to be so cold all the time, all I have ever done is love you, I didn't even come in here to talk about us, in fact there is no us, I'm done Christian, I'm leaving. I can't take your coldness anymore and I won't stand by and let you hurt me." Ana started, then took in a deep sigh, and told him what she came in to tell him " Michael called, how did he get my number? "

"Just now?"

"Yeah, he did something to Kate, Christian, you need to call Elliot, he wouldn't tell me what but he told me to tell you game on, and that he was sorry you'd never have a chance to be an uncle. " Ana explained, but before Christian had a chance to dial a number on the phone, it was already ringing.

"Elliot." Christian answered immediately after pressing the talk button. "What happened? Yeah, I'll there soon. Yeah, she'll be there too. I'll fix this, I promise." Then he hung up

"Kate was pushed down the stairs, it's bad Ana, and we need to get to the hospital."

Ana didn't think twice, she turned to leave to get to her best friend, but Christian pulled her back. Kate was important, and they'd get there, but right now there wasn't anything they could do, so being a few minutes late, couldn't hurt, right?

"Let me go, Christian. I need to get to Kate."

"Ana, we need to talk, you can't leave me, I can't lose you."

"You should have thought about that before you decided that I slept with Cole in _our_ home Christian. I would never do that, how could you think that? I'm not whore, okay? I've only slept with two men my entire life. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I don't know how many times I have to say that. I won't be treated like this anymore, one minute you forgive me and the next you're upset with me, I will not apologize for another second for sleeping with Cole, and I thought you were dead, gone, forever. And I'm no psychic Christian, I didn't know you were alive. God, maybe I slept with him a little too soon, but I was lonely, I needed something, okay? I love you so much, more than anything in the world, but I will not stand here and let you make me feel like I'm worthless. "

"Is that how I make you feel?" Christian asked, feeling as if he was the biggest jerk on the planet. Maybe Ana was right, maybe he was being too hard on her, but how did he let it all go?

"Christian, you just accused me of bringing Cole back here. What the hell do you expect from me? This didn't just happen to you, yeah, you were the one who was kidnapped, you were tortured, but my God Christian, do you have any idea what it feels like to have to hear that the love of your life is dead? No, you don't. I was hurt, I was angry and I hated the world, but don't you dare stand there and accuse me of bringing Cole here, because I never brought him here, he has only ever been here twice, that night I got drunk and the night I told him I was ready to move on with him."

"Ana…."

"No, I'm done talking about this, I want to go see my best and the honest truth, I just can't be around you. It's over Christian, I can't continue to be with someone who looks at me like I'm a monumental disappointment. " Ana told him and then she left the room.

Christian felt his heart sink deeper in his chest as he realized his actions just lost him the one good thing that ever happened to him.

"We're done going after Christian. " Michael started as he began to rub his head. For so long he'd wanted Christian to suffer, he wanted him to feel pain and suffering, and he'd finally gotten in this past year, at least until he escaped.

"Are you serious? Mike think about this, he's made all of our lives a living hell, we can let him get away with that." Jack argued. There was no way he was letting any of this go.

"That's not what I meant Jack, I've realized that there really is only one way to get to that man It's not him, it's his family and that pretty little brunette that my son has a fascination with. "

"You mean that bitch Ana?"

"Yes, and I've already got a plan in motion. First, I need to distract him from her, which is where his family comes in, and then once he's got his mind on them, Ana is to be taken from him. Just like he took her from my son. He's not to get away with everything he's done. Christian Grey is finally going to know misery. By the time we're through with him, he'll only be a shell of the man he used to be. " Michael told Jack with amusement and Pride. He was finally going to get everything he worked so hard to accomplish. Christian Grey would no longer have anything left.

"So what's the plan?"

"The less you know, Hyde, the better. I've got to get things rolling, but stay here, Linc is supposed to be stopping by. Jack, I know you're an impatient bastard but after tomorrow night, Christian Grey will lose everything that he ever cared about. " Michael told an agitated Jack, with a small smile.

"Well can we fucking hurry up, I'm tired of you always having to be in control, you wouldn't have even known about him or his prick tease girlfriend had it not been for me." Jack chided at Michael with irritation. It took Jack months to finally track him down and when he did he vowed revenge on Christian and now it just seemed like he was being cut out.

"I'm only trying to protect you, Jack. I'm not just going to threaten Ana, I'm going to kidnap her, I'm going to torture her, and make it as horrifying as I can, I'm going to make sure that If Grey ever finds her that she won't ever be the same again, the less you know the better. The only way to get to Christian, is through Ana, right? Well lets do this."

"One condition, let me in on this, she's just as much of a reason for my losing everything as that fucker Grey was. She needs to pay," Jack said with honesty.

"Deal." Michael said as he held his hand out for Jack, and they shook on it. It was time to give back what was given to them.


	33. Chapter 33

_A/N: I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry my gram just had surgery, and so I've been busy. Thank you so much for your patience and support. Enjoy. I realize this chapter is shorter than most and I'm sorry. And sorry for the grammar and mistakes._

The ride to the hospital was a silent one. Ana wanted nothing of Christian's apology or his sweet gestures, it was finally time for her to take a stand. She wanted a love that consumed her, someone who wouldn't make her feel bad for something that she apologized for millions times, she wanted a love that would last forever, and as much as she wanted it with Christian, she knew that it just wasn't possible. So she'd walk away, even if it ended up breaking her own heart.

"How many times do I have to apologize?" Christian finally asked, breaking the silence as he turned to face her, but she only continued to look out of the window.

"Not now." Ana stated. Christian had been cold to her for so long, and now she was finally going to treat him the exact way he'd treated her.

"Ana."

"Just leave me alone? Okay, we're done Christian. You don't have to worry about me fucking anything up anymore. All you see when you look at me is a whore that cheated on you."

"Ana, that's not…. "

"It is Christian, don't you dare deny what you think. I slept with Cole, so that makes me a whore, right? But you, slept with probably half of Seattle, if not more before I even met you, and I never passed judgment. Yet you sit here, and criticize me for sleeping with a man I thought I cared about because I thought you were dead. Gone. Forever. "

"I'm sorry Ana, I never wanted to hurt you. I'm just not myself. I don't mean to lash out at you, I'm really trying here." Christian tried reasoning with her in honesty. He knew that he had his mood swings, and he kept going back from being hot then cold. He was trying his best to hold it together, but it was entirely hard.

"You didn't want to hurt me? Christian that's all you've done since you came home and just when I think we're getting back on track, you just prove me wrong. Now I'm not pretending to be innocent in this, I know that I've made mistakes, and I've owned up to them. I'm the one who let Cole crawl in my life, I'm the one that got close to him too soon after you went missing, I'm the one who slept with him, I've never denied any of it. I'm not perfect, I'm only human."

"Ana, I'm sorry, we need to talk about this though."

"Now you want to talk? I don't think so. I don't want to talk about how many more ways you can rip out my bleeding heart."

"Ana…."

"Just shut up. " Ana told him, and then to avoid any further conversation pulled out headphones and got lost in music.

In that moment, Christian knew that he could try with everything he had, but he finally lost her. He screwed up big this time.

"Where is she? " Ana demanded to know as she, Taylor and Christian walked through the doors of the emergency room.

"She's being observed right now. " Elliot started, tears pouring down his face. He looked broken. "They won't tell me anything."

"I'm so sorry, Elliot." Ana told him, as she leaned up to hug him. She'd always loved Elliot, not just because he was Christian's brother, but because he'd been Kate's happily ever after, and that's all Ana ever wanted for her best friend. "She's strong, you know?"

"What about the baby, Ana? What if we lose her?" Elliot whimpered, squeezing Ana even tighter, he just needed comfort.

"Her? "

"We found out at our last appointment, she is five months, you know. She wanted to keep it a secret until she was born, we even picked a name and everything. What if we never get the chance to be parents, Ana? What if she dies? What if they both die, I'll be nothing."

"We won't let that happen." Christian's voice cut in as Elliot finally let Ana go. "Elliot, I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen."

"What do you mean?"

"This is my fault. The man that hurt Kate, he's a part of my past, he wanted to get back at me, I never meant for this to happen."

Elliot stood wide eyed, and shocked with Christian's confession.

"Elliot?" Ana questioned, looking at the silent man. She couldn't read his expression. She wasn't sure what he was feeling and that scared her.

"My wife and daughter are in there because of you." Elliot almost yelled, shoving Christian back into the wall. "How could you do this? You should have protected her."

"I had security on you, I thought. And trust me, they'll be fired. "

"This is all your fucking fault, Christian. Kate and Ava could die, and it's all your fault." Elliot screamed again just as the entire room went quiet, every nurse, doctor, family member, patient stopped to look at the scene being caused.

"I'm sorry."

"Elliot you need to calm down, this wasn't Christian's fault, don't you remember, he was the one held captive for a year. "

"Yeah, well maybe none of this would have happened, if he'd stayed there." Elliot responded

Gasps surfaced in the room just as Grace made her way to her sons.

"Elliot! I raised you better than that. I don't ever want to hear you talk to your brother that way again. This was not his fault, you know him better than that."

"Mom, it's perfectly okay. Maybe he's right, I screw up everything. I'm just going to go." Christian said, then turned to Ana." I understand now, you're free. I'll have Taylor pick you up when you're ready, I promise not to stop you from leaving." And then he was gone.

Ana felt her heart break into a million pieces. Sure, she knew she and Christian couldn't be together, but she never wanted him to feel like he was a screw up.

"How could you be so cold?" Grace scowled at her oldest son

"Mom, do you know what he told me? He said that a man from his past did this!"

"And do you know who that man was? Christian doesn't like talking about his past much, but in the past few weeks he's been home, he's opened up to me. His mother's pimp, that's who it was. The man that abused him at such a young age, Elliot. Now I'm not going to get into details about everything your brother has been through, but you know how he is, how could you put the burden of blame one him? And after everything he's been through in this past year, how in the world could you wish him to be still held captive? "

"Mom.."

"You need to apologize, Elliot. Your father and I raised you better than that. I never want to hear you talk to him that way."

"He was supposed to protect her."

"Christian stayed up for hours, trying to find perfect security. " Ana cut in, as she remembered watching him to do so. He stayed up hours after she went to bed, just to make sure his family would be safe. "He only wanted you all to be safe, He did everything he could Elliot. You don't know these men, they find their way around anything. Christian is already so full or regret and hurt, so make him add to that. He's barely holding on as it is, especially now."

"What do you mean especially now?" Grace asked out of curiosity as she turned to Ana slowly, remembering that she was still recovering from her attack

"I guess you're going to find out eventually, Christian and I aren't together anymore, I've ended things."

Knowing it was a conversation meant for private, Grace dismissed herself and Ana and pulled her into one of the empty rooms.

"What is going on?"

"He keeps blaming me, I can't do it Grace. I love him so completely, I'd give up my life for him but right now I can't be his punching bag. " Ana told her with honesty. She'd do anything if it meant she could be with Christian, but he would never forgive her, and she'd redeemed herself so many times. The honest truth was, it would never be enough.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I know its hard for you, but don't give up on him. He loves you, you just need to give him some time."

"How much time? I love him so much, but how am I supposed to live with him? I'll be walking on eggshells. "

"He loves you, so much. Remember that Christian only ever brought you home for us to meet. You changed him in so many ways when you walked into his life, it would be a shame if you let that go."

"I'm sorry, Grace."

"I'm not going to make you do anything. I'd never do that, just think about one thing. If you walk away now, will you ever be able to move on, will you ever be able to be okay with not waking up with him?"

Ana felt her heart break as she realized the answer to the question.


	34. Chapter 34

_A/N: I had fully intended to take a break from Fanfiction but I got inspired by one of my followers. Anyways sometimes It makes me sad when Guest reviewers don't sign in. So I'll just have to say it here, to the guest reviewers who told me that she is having withdraw from my story because I don't update as much, who also said I deserve all the amazing attention I'm getting on my author page because I'm an amazing writer, that means so much. I've only ever wanted to write since I was 10 so to have people like it means a lot. You're a star. _

_Now enjoy your chapter._

"Sir?" Taylor's voice surfaced in the room as Christian sat in front of a cup of bourbon. He hadn't drank a drop, but the truth was he just wanted to gulp it down. Drown his sorrows.

"What is it Taylor?" Christian snapped, harsher than he'd attended to.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I know this is a hard time for you, but we've figured out how and why the security hasn't been protecting your family, and Ms. Steele. " Taylor spoke up, as he walked farther in the room.

Dropping all of his attention from the alcohol, Christian turned all of his attention to his head of security. "What do you mean?"

"The three new guys, the one you hired for Ana while Luke isn't able to be with her, the one you hired for your brother and his wife, and the one you hired for your mother, they're all working for Hyde. "

"How do you know this?"

"Well from the moment Ana was able to leave, the moment she was able to go somewhere without security, I've been suspicious, then your mother gets attacked, and Kate gets pushed down the stairs. I mean I know that not all security can be the greatest, but sir your money can buy the best, and the honest truth is there is no way all three incidents are a coincidence. One maybe, but not all three. "

"How did you find out they were working for Hyde?"

"Well we already knew that all three men were cousins, and I heard Jacobs on the phone one afternoon. He said Hyde's name. They were discussing a plan to kidnap Ana. So I followed him the day, all three men asked to have off, and there they were. " Taylor started as he sat down in the arm chair across from Christian "Now I know what you're thinking, what didn't I tell you, why didn't I call the police. I wanted to do this right, if we're going to nail, Hyde, Linc and Michael, we have to get them all at the same time. I know this is a far stretch, and you're probably thinking I've screwed but I do believe these men will eventually lead us to where the bastards are."

"What the fuck! " Christian screamed. All he wanted after coming back from being abducted was Ana, not all of the extra shit. Was it so much to have men that were loyal? "I want new men, and I want them yesterday. And you're going to run every background check, talk to every person these ne people ever met, contact every job they've ever had, or every strange they've spoken to. I will not let anyone else in my family be hurt because of me. This all started with me, when I was just a kid, and I'm going to end it. You do what you need to keep them safe."

"Sir, I wouldn't advise you to do anything stupid, Ana needs you."

"She dumped me, what does she need me for, she's made it perfectly clear that we have no future. "

"You didn't see her while you were gone, she'll take you back, I know it's not my place, but that girl loves you. More than anything, you've got to fight for her."

"I'm done fighting, she deserves better. Right now, I've just got to keep her safe."

"Sir, with all due respect, you have to keep yourself safe just as much as you need to keep them safe. Yes, it's bad, I know that. Your mother and Ana were attacked, Kate was pushed, but you were the one who suffered the most, you were held captive. Sir, if anyone needs protection the most, it's you."

"He's right, you know." Ana spoke, as she came into the room. After her conversation with Grace, she knew that she had to come talk to him. Make things right. She'd only hoped that he'd see things her way.

"What are you doing here? You should be with Kate." Christian told her with a small smile. The last time they'd talked Ana had made it clear they were over. He hadn't seen it then, but it was for the best.

"I'll go see what else I can find out. " Taylor told the pair, and dismissed himself.

"We have to talk." Ana stated remembering the reason she'd left the hospital.

"What is there to talk about?"

"I love you."

"Last time we talked, you made it clear that you no longer wanted to be with me, Ana, now you're here telling me you love me, what the hell gives?"

"Grace asked me a question and after taking so long to think about it, it led me here."

"May I ask what she asked?" Christian questioned with curiosity. This was either going to be really good or really bad

"She asked me if I walk away from you now, if I could live with myself for not giving us the chance to fix all that's wrong."

"And your answer?"

"I love you Christian." Ana told him as she walked to where he was standing and placed her hands on both sides of his cheeks so that his face was framed between her hands. "I'm sorry that I acted the way I did, I was so hurt that you thought I could possibly bring Cole back here. I honor you too much for that. I don't want to lose you. I can't be without you, and I know that you can't be without me either, Christian please me forgive me. "

"There's not a thing to forgive, Ana, but you were right we can't be together, its better this way." Christian choked out. This was the last thing he wanted, but the truth was ever since he'd come in her life there had been nothing but drama. He could no longer hurt her this way, he'd resolve the latest issue, keep her safe, and like the better man he was trying to be, he'd let her go.

Ana became confused as Christian pulled away from her. All day he'd been begging her to talk, he'd wanted to resolve the issue so they could carry on and pick up the broken pieces to their relationship, yet here he was telling her they were over as she'd done only hours prior to the moment.

"Christian what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I love you Ana. I've caused you nothing more than misery since the moment I've met you. I won't let you do this anymore, Ana. I refuse to let you get caught up in my drama. I love you too much for that, you deserve a hell of a lot better than me. "

"I don't want anyone but you, Christian, please don't do this."

"I have to, Ana I love you way too much to keep hurting you. I just want you to know though that I'll always love you, in here." Christian told her as he placed her hand over his heart. "You gave me my heart, and now I have to break both of hearts because it's the only way to keep you safe anymore. I'm better as a memory than I am as being in your life."

"I'm safe with you, don't walk away Christian." She begged him, but it was too late, he left her standing in the living area of Escala as he escaped to the bedroom. She sat on the floor what felt like hours. How could he do this? Maybe he was right.

No! None of this was right. If he ended things with Ana, it was going to be for him, she would not allow him to take the easy way out. Moving from her spot, Ana barged her way into the bedroom to find Christian hold a picture of the two of them, with a tear running down his cheek.

"I won't let you do this." She stated, decreasing the distance between them until she stood in front of him "I love you, and I know that you love me too. Don't walk away from me."

Unable to find his own words, lyrics popped in his head. "one day you're gonna find someone And right away you'll know it's true That all of your seeking's done It was just a part of the passing through Right there in that moment you'll finally understand That I was better as a memory than as your man"

"Don't throw lyrics at me Christian, I love you and you love me, and I don't need another man, I don't need a safe haven, I just need the man I love and that happens to be you."

"Stop, Ana." Christian chided at her. He loved her way too much to let her throw her life away with him. He couldn't ever make her happy, why wouldn't she let the fire burn out?

"I'm not going to stop, Christian, because I know that you love me, and I know that this is the last thing you want, you can't walk away from me. We've got to stick together, and more than that we have to stop this game we're playing, one minute we're happy, the next miserable, we need to be us again, the better version of us." Ana told him, as she cupped his face. She wasn't fully recovered from her ribs being fractured, but she didn't care. She knew what she needed to do to convince him.

"Don't." He begged in a whisper, but it was too late, her lips were already touching his.

"We're not over. " She told him as she pulled him to a standing position and peered up at his grey eyes. His expression was a mixture of hurt and happiness. He looked conflicted, and all Ana wanted to do was take away his pain.

"This isn't right, " He whispered softly, turning his head away from hers so he wasn't looking at her. He just couldn't face her, not after everything he'd done.

"Don't hide from me," She begged, taking his face between her hands, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "It's you and me, Christian, just like it's always been."

"I can't hurt you anymore. Let our fire burn out."

"It won't ever burn out, Christian, it just keeps burning a bigger flame. Don't you love me?"

"More than anything. " he admitted with a sight.

There was no way Ana was going to give up, but how was he supposed to give in knowing everything he'd done to hurt not just her but his family. Elliot said so himself.

"Then shut up and kiss me."

Christian shook his head, causing Ana to make the first move. She grabbed his face before he could bolt, and kissed him in a way that she'd longed for over the past year. She'd forgot everything she'd been missing over the year as she stood in this moment. She and Christian were undeniable.

Pulling away from his face, Ana slowly led his to the bed and when they were standing directly in front of it she began to slowly unbutton his shirt. He didn't hesitate, instead, after she finished he lifted her shirt over her head, and stripped her of her pants so she was left in nothing but her bra and panties. As Ana scooted up the bed, Christian followed pausing at her mouth.

"We don't have to do this. " He assured her, he knew she was still in recovery from being attacked by Cole and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. All of this was overwhelming. It was wrong, Christian knew that. He and Ana just shouldn't be together, she should be living her life with someone who could give her everything he couldn't, but he was a selfish man, he couldn't seem to let her go.

"Make love to me, Christian. Make love to me all the ways you used to. Let's not think about all the bad things that are happening in our life right now, in this moment, it's just you and me, let's make it last, lost inside each other." Ana said with a small smile.

"I love you, sweetheart." Christian told her as he trailed kisses down her still bruised body. As their fingers entwined with one another, Christian held one of her hands above her head as he used his other hand to peel her bra strap off of her shoulder, and replaced it with a gentle kiss. He wished he could live in this moment forever. He wanted to kiss her skin until it felt like a sin, he wanted to mark every inch of her body, reminding her that she was his, and no one else's. And for the first time since he'd found out about Cole, that's exactly how she felt. _His. Only his._

"God, I've missed you so much." Ana stated as she felt Christian let her go, and trail kisses down the rest of her body. Stopping at her panties, Christian gently removed them, and trailed back up her body and removed her bra.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this happy. It had been before the crash, before his entire life spiraled out of control.

"I love you, Christian." Ana declared as he began to remove his pants. He was left on his knees in front of her in nothing but his boxers.

"I love you too, are you sure about this?" He asked again. He'd never been one to question a women's willingness for sex as she lay in his bed, but Ana was special, and with her still recovering, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. He'd already caused her enough emotional damage to last her a lifetime. Why she loved him was beyond him.

Ana only nodded as she sat up just enough to pull his boxers down, revealing his penis and letting him shrug out of the boxers. They stared at each other in a long, silence before they moved.

And the moment she lay back, he followed, slipping inside her, and savoring each moment.

Everything in the world was right again. Christian was finally found. And more than that he was home, with the woman he loved more than anything in the entire world.

_Song- Better as a memory by Kenny Chesney _


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N: I just want to thank you all for your reviews. I was totally nervous about that little sex scene, which is why I did Not go into details about it. I can't tell you how Grateful I am for all your support, I've been going through a bit of a hard time lately, and honestly Writing is the only thing that keeps me sane, it's my lifeline. And to have people love it as much as you all do means so much._

_Seems I've gotten my inspiration back for this story, it's true when they say sometimes you just need to step away. _

_Thank you for your support, thank you for reading and just thank youuu for the reviews, you guys rock. Happy readings._

Ana listened to the sound of Christian's heart beating her head lay on his chest. It had only been a few hours since being together again, and everything she seemed to be perfect. They hadn't spoken since they pulled apart, but they didn't really need to. No words could possibly describe the love that was between them. She closed her eyes in relief as she savored this moment. She'd missed him for so long, and now the moment was finally here, she'd finally had the man she loved back, in every single way.

She couldn't explain the connection that she and Christian shared, but it was amazing. She and Christian, from the moment they met always had a spark between them, an electricity that lit between them, and the ecstasy that was between them was overwhelming, but in a good way.

Ana knew that she'd never be happy with anyone else as long as she knew Christian Grey, the moment she met him, she was captured. He had her heart and if she was being honest it was on a permanent lock. It was forever, that much she knew. And no matter what life threw at them, they'd get through it.

"How are you feeling? " Christian asked her, running his finger up and down her bare arm.

"I'm good, Christian. I'm wonderful." She smiled as her wide, blue eyes peered up at him.

"I didn't hurt you did I? I shouldn't have let his happen, not when you're still in recovery."

"Stop that." Ana begged him, as she leaned up to kiss him. He closed his eyes as if he were in pain and Ana ran her thumb against his cheek. "Please stop, I love you Christian, and I know that you're blaming yourself for everything, but I don't want you to. What happened to Grace and Kate, was an accident, do you get that? You didn't cause this."

"Then about you, who's to blame for that?"

"Cole."

"Ana….."

"No, stop blaming yourself. I love you, your family loves you and we all just want you to be happy. I know you're hurting, and I don't want to push you to do anything, to talk about anything, but I'm here for you if you need that shoulder to cry on. "

"You're amazing, do you know that?" Christian asked her in admiration. Ana had been through so much in the past year, yet here she was still as strong as ever, while Christian was on the verge of losing his mind. He loved her for that.

"So are you. I'm worried about you, you know? I thought you were really going to leave me." Ana admitted playing back in her mind the horrifying moment when Christian told her it was over.

"I just wanted to protect you, that's all I want. Ana, I can't live without you, but I can't live with myself if anything happens to you." Christian admitted his deepest fear, as Ana sat up on the bed and wrapped the silk sheet around herself.

"I'm safe, Christian, I just need to be with you because that's when I'm the safest. You're everything to me, and without you, nothing matters to me. Please just don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I promise, I just worry, okay? I hate how I've treated you, I pushed you and I can't apologize enough. And then everything with Kate, Ana you can sit here and tell me it wasn't my fault my actions were what set this all in motion. Michael and Hyde went after them to get to me."

"I know, and Christian it wasn't your fault. Kate will be okay, I just know it. You can't do this, you can't play this blame game, and I can't let you either. Christian we're stronger than the people we used to be, not just as a couple, but individually. You have to let this go, you have to realize that people make their own choices, you didn't tell Jack and Michael to do what they did, any more than you told Cole. Stop this nonsense and put this blame on them, not you. " Ana told him with confidence. She wouldn't let him blame himself for something that he had no control over. He was just as much of a victim as anyone else who'd been hurt, if not more.

"Ana, don't you understand, Elliot…. "

Ana immediately cut him off by placing her hand over his mouth. "Elliot is hurt, his wife and daughter are fighting for their life. He's angry, he's hurt, he's confused and mostly he's lost, Christian. When he said those things to you, he was lashing out, he didn't mean it, and you know that. He loves you and he's going to see that you're an innocent."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, but Ana please don't ever give up on me."

"It's you and me, Christian. I don't think that I could ever give up on you, or walk away from you. Trying to move on, it's like having wine after whiskey. " Ana told him with a smile .

There was no other man for her other than Christian that much she knew.

"Ana, I don't know what I'd do without you. " Christian told her as he placed his hands on her shoulders, and began to softly give her a massage.

"Christian, you don't have to do that."

"I've treated you so badly in the past few weeks." He told her, gently placing a kiss on her shoulder "And I just want to make up for it. I know you're going to say that it's okay, but Ana it's not. I've been so cold to you because I just love you so much. "

"I love you too, Christian, and I know that we've still got a lot of work ahead and I'm ready for it, I want you forever. "

"I wasn't sure if I could handle you being with another man." Christian admitted in honesty. Before all of this, before tonight, he'd been questioning if he'd ever accept Ana's relationship with Cole and now, he was able to put everything into perspective.

"And now?" She questioned as she turned to face him. She hadn't thought about Cole in so long, but here he was lingering in the room. This next conversation would either make her and Christian stronger or destroy them forever. Now was the moment of truth.

"I know you didn't love him. I know that you were only with him because deep down inside of that very huge heart, you were holding out for me. I've got to tell you, Ana, your capacity for love for me amazes me. I'm finally hearing what you were saying, I was thought to be dead, you couldn't wait around forever."

"Hallelujah!" Ana cheered, throwing her hands in the air and letting the sheet fall from her body. "I've waited for you to see this for so long, and now I'm not sure what to feel."

"Just be happy baby." Christian told her as she traced a bruise on her side, but she quickly pulled away and covered it.

"Don't do that."

"You didn't mind it earlier when I was kissing your bruises." Christian stated in confusion.

He wasn't sure what it was that was bothering her. Was she ashamed of them?

"That was different, I'd forgotten all about them." She admitted in shame. Cole had taken so much for her, the beauty that Christian once saw on the outside was no longer there, it faded the moment Cole had beaten her to a pulp. She tried so hard to feel like the confident woman that Christian loved, but Cole destroyed her in more ways than one, and a hell of a lot more than she was letting on.

"Hey, Ana, talk to me about this. I've been home for so long, but we've never really talked about what you went through, not just with coping with my death, but Cole, especially after you experienced his violent side."

"It doesn't matter." Ana whispered, slipping to the side of the bed and throwing on a robe. She had no desire to have this conversation with Christian, really what was the point? Cole was in police custody, still in the hospital. He wouldn't be hurting her anymore. He wouldn't hurt anyone anymore.

"It does matter, because it's become a part of your daily life. You think I have noticed your struggles? The way you look at yourself? I see it all and I want you to know that you don't have to feel unbeautiful."

"How can I be beautiful when I look like this?"

"Beauty doesn't always come from the outside, Ana, it comes within yourself. Those bruises only show your strength, don't you dare doubt that. "

"I hate him." Ana whispered after many moments of silence. "He said he loved me, Christian how do you do this to someone you love? I don't love him, not at all but I did care about him, I thought I did but it was all based on a lie."

Christian took Ana's hand in his as she patiently listened to her while she talked. He didn't think he'd have it in him to sit in listen to her relationship with Cole, but apparently he had more self-control then he'd though.

"I'm in no way defending him, but I'm sure in some way he did care about you, Ana."

"How? He took you away from me, he beat me to a pulp, and he was only attracted to me because of his ex, whom he killed." Ana fought back. There was no possible way Cole could have ever cared about her if he'd done all of that.

"Cole is sick, Ana and he probably needs help. I'm sorry that he ever got to you, I'd cut off my right arm before I let anything happen to you."

"I know. I just wanted to protect them, which is why I stayed with him at first after he beat me."'

"What do you mean?"

"When I found out that Cole was behind your crash, or at least a part of it, he threatened everyone. I couldn't let anyone else get hurt, call it selfish but I didn't want to lose anyone else I loved." Ana admitted without looking at him, she couldn't face his judgement.

"You're the most amazing, selfless person I know. You put the weight of the world on your shoulders, Ana. And you never ask for anything back, and now I'm here and I just want to take that weight from you. Lean on me Ana, that's what I need you to do. Cole won't ever hurt you again."

"I'm sorry for everything I've done, sleeping with him, for trusting him, I just wanted to feel, to forget. I love you so much that it consumes me and without you I didn't want to be happy, I guess in my own way I was self-destructing. "

"We'll be okay. I promise. Cole won't hurt you ever again. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure Michael, Linc, Jack and Hyde are put of their misery. As for Cole, I'll run him over with a bus before he ever lays another hand on you."

Ana lay her head back on Christian at his last statement. She didn't think she could possibly love him any more.


	36. Chapter 36

"How is she?" Ana asked, walking into Kate's hospital room the next morning. Elliot was sitting by her bed, holding her hand. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He didn't even look up as Ana came into the room. He looked like a broken shadow of the man he was a week ago, and all Ana wanted to do was comfort him. Honestly, Christian was probably better suited to be here for his brother, but Elliot still blamed him for what happened.

Christian had come with her, but they both agreed it was better to have Ana go in alone, after the last time Elliot and Christian had been in a room together.

"The doctors say that she and the baby are both fine. She has a concussion, a bit of bruises, they've put her on immediate bed rest until they know that she and the baby won't be in any harm, but for the most part they expect her to make a full recovery. She was awake a little bit ago, she asked for you." Elliot spoke, still not able to tear his eyes from his wife. He was too afraid to look anywhere else. "They told me the fact that she didn't land on her stomach was the absolute thing that saved the baby. God, I don't know what I would have done if I lost them."

"You'll never lose them, Elliot. I told you she was strong, and I hate to bring this up, you've got so much going on, and I don't want to seem selfish, but you need to talk to Christian."

"No." Elliot said with coldness. The last thing he planned to do while Kate lay in this bed was talking to the man responsible for her being here.

"It wasn't his fault, you know that." Ana argued. She didn't know Elliot like a book, but she knew him well enough to know that through all his anger, and hurt deep down Christian wasn't responsible.

"Ana, he may not have pushed her down the stairs directly, but he was a part of this, he brought his past to us. " Elliot started, finally peeling his eyes away from his wife. He'd always loved his brother and nothing about that would ever change but he couldn't forgive him right now. Kate was his priority.

"Do you know what he went through? As a child?" Ana questioned. She knew first hand everything traumatic Christian had to endure as a child. It was something that no kid should ever have to experience at the age of four.

"I know Ana, what he went through was horrible, but….. "

"But nothing Elliot. Have you ever starved? Have you ever gone so long without a single piece of food that your entire body was just weak? Or how about the fact that his mother had pimp, a pimp that burned him with cigarettes, a pimp who abused him. Christian doesn't talk about it and it took him so long to open up to me about this, he'd probably kill me if he knew I was telling you, but it needs to be said. Christian's carried all this pain since he was a kid. He's wore his pain so deep inside, suffering in silence until he met me, he let me in, and that's something I value. I won't let him be blamed for this."

Elliot sat in silence as Ana poured her heart out. He knew a little about what Christian went through but never the full extent, and it immediately began to make him feel like the worst brother in the world.

"Michael, one of the men who kidnapped Christian is his mother's pimp, and he's been torturing him, this isn't Christian's fault, you have to know that. He loves all of you dearly. He would gladly jump in front of a bullet for each of you a thousand times if it meant you were safe."

Elliot rubbed his hand to his forehead as he let out a long sigh." I know Ana. You're right. He's been through so much and I'm not helping. I was so pissed at him for Kate, I guess I never really thought about what he went through not only as a kid, but in this past year. Ana, I'm sorry, not just to you but to him. I'll talk to him, I'm just not ready right now. A part of me, still blames him and I wish that I didn't but think about it if it hadn't been for him none of this would be happening."

"It's not his fault thought, you can't think for one moment that Christian would have ever wanted this to happen. Despite his and Kate's feelings towards each other, he considers her to be family. If not for anyone else for you and me. " Ana tried reasoning with him.

There was no way she'd let anyone blame Christian for Michael and Jack's actions. Christian did enough of that himself. Christian carried his guilt inside him and Ana knew just by looking at him that it was eating him alive, and she was going to do whatever it took to make him see reasoning of how this wasn't his fault.

"Just don't be hard on him, he does enough of that for everyone." Ana said, as she began to stand up. She figured it was better to give Kate and Elliot time alone, she'd come back when Elliot left.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, grabbing Ana's arm before she could leave

"He almost left me last night, for good all because he thinks everything that's happening is on him. He blames himself for me being mixed up with Cole, he blames himself for Grace getting attacked, and he blames himself for Kate. There's not a thing that he doesn't blame himself for. Christians sees one negativity thing about himself, and he just adds to the list. He doesn't even believe that he's worthy of my love. He thinks that he deserves misery." Ana said, remembering the previous night. She'd almost lost him, their life together, and every dream they'd ever planned.

"I didn't know it was that bad, I didn't want that. I'm sorry, Ana. I just can't wrap my head around his. How can I not blame him?"

"Because it wasn't his fault." Kate's raspy voice surfaced through the room.

"You're awake." Ana cheered with a smile as her best friend tried to wiggle in a sitting position. It felt like forever since she'd spoken to Kate, but it had only been a few days.

"I am, but I've been awake, listening to this conversation. You need to go be with Christian, don't worry about me, and you " Kate began, focusing on Elliot "need to stop blaming him, he didn't do anything wrong, you out of anyone should see that."

"I'm going to go, maybe she'll talk some sense into you. I'll be back, Kate."

"Can't wait Steele." Kate smirked leaving Ana with a smile. Kate was definitely back.

"What the hell do you want now? " Cole asked, looking at Christian, who stood in front of his bed. He'd come here after listening in on Ana and Elliot's conversation, well most of it anyways. The fact that Ana was defending him on his behalf made him inspired to do the same.

"I've come here warn you. Ana's told me a little about what you've done to her. Threatening the people loved, abusing her, pretending to care about her." Christian started as he pulled a chair out so he could sit directly in front of Cole.

"What is it any of your business?" Cole chided at him. The last thing he needed was Christian to be in his room, but he wouldn't feel intimidated by him. Money or not, Cole had a lot to give.

"Ana is my business, she always has been from the moment I laid eyes on her exquisite beauty. And you hurt her, you've physically hurt my girlfriend, and for that you're going to pay."

"You've already destroyed my career as promised, what else is there that you can take from me?"

"I'm going to make your life a living hell, just like you made hers. I'm going to tear you down piece by piece until there's nothing left, I'm going to make you feel as small and weak as you made her feel, I'm going to make feel as worthless as you made her, when I'm done with you, there will be nothing left. Ana as well as that girl you killed will both have their justice. "

"You don't scare me. " Cole let out a laugh. Who did he think he was? " You can't take any more from me than has already been taken. I'll make you a promise though, I will be reunited with Ana. She and I will live out our happy ever after."

"The only happy ever after Ana is going to have is with me you fucktard. She's mine, no one else's and if you somehow manage to ever escape if you come near her, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do. I'll hunt you down and kill you myself. Don't you ever say her name again, she's mine. What you had with her was never real. " Christian said in anger.

He was done being a victim to Michael, Jack, Cole and Linc, and he was no longer going to let them hurt one more person he loved. "And tell your prick of a father, that next time he's got a message for me to be a fucking man and face me himself. I'm done playing these games if any of you so ever come near my family, or anyone that I care about, it'll be a death sentence."

"You honestly think you could get away with murder?" Cole questioned out of curiosity.

"I'm Christian Grey, one of the richest men in The United States, you have no idea what I can get away with. " Christian smirked and then walked out of the room.

When he closed the door behind him, his mother stood before him.

"Why were you in there?" She questioned with worry. Ever since he came home, Grace had yet seen Christian have any happiness.

"I just gave him a little warning. " Christian stated vaguely. The last thing his mother needed was to be given more stress to handle.

"Christian, you know violence is never the answer." Grace stated with a disapproving look.

"You're talking to me about violence, he's the one who beat Ana? He's the one who made her feel small, weak, and ugly." Christian argued. He felt nothing for Cole and he meant every word he'd said to him and he was going to make good on his promise to Cole at any cost.

"Ana will be okay." Grace assured him, but it didn't convince him.

"You didn't see her, mom. I'm not going to get into details but when I tried to touch her bruise, she completely freaked out. She thinks that somehow they make her unbeautiful but they don't. She's still the most beautiful woman I know, the only woman I've ever loved. Look, this Ana's personal business and I'm not going to plaster it, but she's dealing with a lot more than she's leading on. "

"I know, and I know that you'll be by her side, Christian just focus on the two of you. Help each other heal, but Christian don't under any circumstances let the vengeance you're feeling get the best of you." Grace demanded. She knew her son all too well, and once someone hurt Ana, he wanted to hurt them back. She only hoped Ana would help him see reasoning.

"Mom, I'll be fine, you should be resting though. "

"I'm here for a checkup, then your father is taking me home. I promise."

"Good, look I need to go find Ana, oaky? I love you mom and thank you for always being here for me."

"Someday when you become a parent you'll understand."


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N: Hey guys, thanks for your support on the last chapter it means a lot. I can't ever tell you in words just how much your support and love means to me._

Christian watched sleep silently and peacefully from the chair across the bed. It had been a month since they'd made love, and started getting their life as a couple back on track. They'd been seeing Flynn a lot, and Christian had finally let realization sink into to his stubborn head.

Ana never cheated on him. She'd thought he was dead, and that was something that he had to accept, and he had. And for the first time since being back, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He could finally breathe. He and Ana had plenty of sessions with Flynn over the course of the month, and sure all their problems were resolved, Christian still blamed himself for everything, and Ana still felt unbeautiful, even with her face no longer bruised, her ribs so much better, she looked like Ana, but overall their progress on being a couple was going well. They'd even gone out on a few days, and tried rebuilding what they had only to find that they could rebuild it. They were creating something new, they weren't the same people they'd been before.

The thing that scared him though, was the fact that they'd hadn't heard a single word, or threat from Jack, Michael and Linc. In fact ever since Cole was put into a mental hospital after flipping out in the court room of his trial, and proven to be unwell, they'd been silent. The silence worried Christian, he'd even fired the men Jack and Michael hired, Taylor advised him not to, but he couldn't risk it. They were just too close. He hired a whole new team after doing triple background checks.

Christian hadn't been surprised when Cole seemed to be going crazy. In fact he was willing to bet his entire fortune that Cole had been crazy all along, just look how he killed someone he was supposed to love to having a fascination to someone who looked exactly like her. It just didn't seem to fit.

"Christian?" Ana's soft voice came through the room in a whisper as she slowly turned over to her side to cuddle close to him, but she came up empty.

"I'm here, baby." He told her with concern. She'd always hated waking up alone ever since they'd reunited. Abandoning his chair, Christian climbed into bed with her as he watched her face relax.

"I thought you were gone. I dreamed you were dead again, and Cole… " She started, but he placed a finger over her mouth before she could speak.

"Hey, I'm here, like I've been the past month. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. It's you and me, remember? Isn't that what you told me? That bastard won't hurt you either, remember, I'll hit him with that bus."

Ana giggled as she snuggled into his arms.

"I love that sound. If I could only hear one sound of the rest of my life it would be the giggle from the woman I love more than anything."

"I love you Christian." Ana stated in a whispered, as she peered up at the Grey eyes she loved so much. She remembered a time when she'd thought she'd never see them again, yet here they were. She closed her eyes as Christian gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too, Ana. Forever and always, my heart only beats for you."

"Christian, do you think they'll catch them?" Ana asked in a moment of curiosity. She wanted nothing more than get her life back with Christian but the honest truth was they could never completely have that until the men that were causing them hell were finally gone. They needed to permanently be taken care of before Christian and Ana could completely let go and move on.

"I do. It doesn't matter what they do Ana, or how many connections they have, we'll find them." Christian told her in what he believed was honesty. Ana was his motivation and if not for anyone else, he would make sure they were fully taken care of for her.

"Promise?" She asked, entwining their fingers together and feeling the intense electrifying feeling between them. She wondered to herself if it would always be this way.

"Ana, I promise with everything inside of me that they'll be caught and thrown in the cage where they belong. I won't let them hurt my family. "

"Family?" Ana questioned, he'd never called her family before.

"Ana I love you, and you're my life, you're my home, my family. " Christian repeated the word, sending Ana to grin.

"You're amazing."

"I'm just a man in love, and I'll love you forever." Christian stated with no shame. If you'd told him five years ago that he'd be in this position, he'd laughed in your face, but being here now, it was truly everything he never knew he always wanted.

"Forever." Ana agreed. And in that moment, Christian knew exactly what needed to be done. He wanted to officially make Ana his for all of eternity.

"Get some sleep, love. We've got a big day tomorrow." Christian told her with a suspicious smile.

Ana had no idea what he was talking about. As far as she was concerned, they had no plans, it was the weekend and more than that, they'd just had dinner with the Grey's the previous night, there was no reason for them to go there. She was too exhausted to care though.

"I'm sorry I've not been in contact for a while." Carla started as Ana finished up the remains of her omelet. She hadn't talked to her mom in a few weeks. Ana and Carla were drifting apart and Ana hated it. Carla still wouldn't even open up to her about what had happened between her and Ray.

And Ray, being the man of honor he was wouldn't discuss it either.

"It's okay mom. You've been busy, I get it." Ana lied. The truth was she didn't get it. She just needed her mom through all of this yet her mom acted as if she had better things to do.

"Ana, I'm so sorry honey. I've been such a neglectful mother and that's the last thing I've wanted to do, I just honestly don't know how to be here for you? You've gone through so much and you're very strong, I admire that."

"Mom, you're not neglectful, I just wish you'd be here more. I miss you." Ana admitted to her as she set her plate in the sink.

"I know and I'm trying, you know you can talk to me about anything. I'll listen."

"Yeah, I guess. But why won't you talk to me, mom?" Ana demanded. She just needed to know what was going on between her parents, it had been weighing on her mind for far too long.

"We slept together, okay?" Carla demanded in a yell.

Ana froze. Out of all the things she could have said, Ana wasn't expecting that.

"I'm not proud of it Ana, I know I'm a married woman. It was when you had your breakdown, I was a mess and Ray was there, really there. "

"Is that how Ray sees it?"

"Ray wants it to be more, Ana. He declared his love for me."

"And you said?" Ana questioned, daring her to continue, not quite sure if she wanted to know.

"I told him I loved Bob."

"How could you do that? Mom deny it all you want but you love him. "

"Don't start this."

"Why won't you give him another chance?"

"I've got to go, I'll call later." Carla responded, then the line went dead.

"Bad day?" Christian asked, coming in the room, holding a dozen roses.

"Are those for me?" Ana asked with a smile as he sat next to her on the breakfast bar.

"What other woman would I buy flowers for, Ana? You're it for me. You've got my heart, now here's your flowers." He stated, setting the flowers in front of her. "Now listen, I love you, and there's something that I want to show you. I worked on it last night while you were asleep. I wanted it to be perfect."

Ana became confused as Christian led her up to the library. What could possibly be in the library that he wanted to show her?

As she walked in the room, Ana felt as if she entered another world. There were rose petals surfaced through the room. Pictures of the pair hung from the ceiling, and there was even a heart in the middle of the floor formed by white petals. The room was only lit by candles, which surprised Ana, Christian hadn't been home, how did they get lit?

Christian led her further in the room until they were standing in the heart. Then dropped to one knee as he took one of her hands.

She didn't know whether to panic or smile.

"Anastasia, I've loved you for so long, you've brought so much happiness to my life. The moment I saw you, I knew that I had to have you. A life without you isn't something I can live. My life, my fortune, this apartment, the cars, the money, none of it means anything if I don't have you. My world was a darkened cave until I met you. And although we've had our obstacles, I can't see ever being without you, I love you so much. " Christian said as he fell to one knee and took Ana's left hand in his "So, will you do the honor of marrying me and becoming my wife? "

Ana stood in the heart, not knowing what to say. She loved Christian so completely. She'd loved him from the moment she met him. He consumed her, and this past year proved just how much they belonged together. Could they get married? Could she say yes? Were they ready for this? She felt the butterflies in her stomach as Christian pulled out a little black box and opened it. The ring was elegant and beautiful, exquisite even. It was a white gold oval 5 carat diamond. She'd never seen anything more beautiful, but she also knew that it had probably cost him a fortune. She felt a tear slip down her cheek as Christian patiently waited for an answer.

Was she ready for this?


	38. Chapter 38

_A/N:Thank you guys so much for your reviews and your support you rock… _

_I'm not so fond of this chapter. Sigh. I apologize for the boredom. _

"Don't leave me hanging here, Ana? "Christian said as he looked up at the beautiful woman before him, oblivious to what she was thinking.

"I… When? I.." Ana started. She couldn't form the right words for what she wanted to say. This was the very last thing she was expecting and yet she had no idea how to respond.

"Ana?" Christian questioned, beginning to feel like she was going to pull away. " I love you, I've always loved you and I want to be with you forever, I know this is all of a sudden and I know that it's crazy, and we've only been reunited for a little while but Ana, we've been through so much. I'll never love anyone as much as I love you, you're the most amazing woman I know. I look at you now, and I see just how far we've come, you're my rock, and I want to be with you forever, starting now. If you'll have me."

"Christian, I don't know what to say." Ana started, feeling a tear slip down her cheek. When she first met Christian, he'd told her that he wasn't a hearts and flowers type man. And he wasn't. He'd never felt anything for a woman, except when he met Ana. " I love you, Christian, but are you sure about this?"

"Ana, I was sure that I wanted to make you my wife, the moment I met you, I just didn't know it yet. Ana I've loved you for a long time now, and I have this fire inside me that never burns out. I can't imagine my life without you, just like I can't imagine living it with someone else, I need you. Maybe it's crazy, but I want you, I want you to be my wife. "

Was she truly ready for this? Could she be a wife?

Ana felt the smile curve upon her lips as she looked down at the man she loved, who was still kneeling on his one knee holding the ring. It didn't get better than this, right? She and Christian had been through so much together, and the honest truth was there would never be anyone else for either of them. In that moment she knew the answer. She knew that she wanted to be with him forever.

"Yes." Ana whispered.

Christian was left speechless, he hadn't exactly known what she'd say and now that she was saying what he wanted to hear, he had no words. "Say that again."

"Yes, Christian, yes, I'll marry you." Ana told him with amusement.

"I love you, Ana." Christian told her, placing the ring on her finger and standing up, so he could kiss her. Everything was finally perfect.

"I love you too, Christian."

"I'm going to make you happy, Anastasia. I'm a better man because of you, or at least I'd like to think I am. I love you, and I can't think of any other way to spend the next seventy years."

"I didn't make you a better man, Christian, you already were that man. You just found him when I came around and decided to defy your every demand. " Ana smirked as she put one of her around Christian's neck and the other to his cheek. "You're a good man Christian, you always have been. I'll never understand why it's me your with though." Ana told him with a soft smile.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. I'm just overwhelmed, I don't know what I'm saying. " She lied, trying to avoid this conversation.

"Do not lie to me, Ana. What's on your mind?"

"I'm weak Christian, so why do you still want me. You could have any woman…."

"Stop it right there. You're not weak in any way, sweetheart. Did you know what I see when I look at you? I see this beautiful, talented, strong, woman who has been through hell and back. This past year hasn't been easy on you, and sure you had some dark days along the way, but Anastasia, you've got a strength I wish I could have. You kept going when all you wanted to do was give up. I admire that. Baby, I can't tell you how proud I am of you. " Christian said, taking her face in his hands, forcing her to look him in the eye. The last thing he wanted was for her to ever feel like she wasn't good enough for Christian. She had strength and fight inside of her that he'd never seen before. And it made him love her all the more.

"You're proud of me?" Ana questioned in disbelief. What in the world was there to be proud of? In the past year she'd slept with another man, a man who turned out to be dangerous, and not to mention, she'd gotten herself attacked my leaving without security?

"Yes, why would you think I wasn't, Ana? You have been through so much, you're still going. Life has given you ever reason in the world to give up but my girl keeps fighting."

"Anything worth having is worth fighting for right?" Ana joked

"Right. Ana, I love you and no one else would come close in comparison to you. You're my Ana. My sweet, innocent, Ana."

"I'm not so innocent anymore."

"You'll always be innocent to me." Christian smiled." And I do believe that I love the way that ring fits perfectly on your finger."

"It's beautiful." Ana started admiring the new rock on her finger. "How much did it cost?"

"Let's get dinner." Christian suggested, changing the subject, the last thing he and Ana needed to do was talk prices. Ana always hated money being spent on her, and if she knew the exact amount that he'd spent on that ring, she'd flip.

"You're avoiding my question." Ana stated

"It doesn't matter, Ana. We're getting married, we're starting our life together, and you can't put a price on that."

"Christian, "

"No."

"But…."

Christian didn't waste a moment as he pushed her into the wall and crushed her lips. It was the only way he knew how to get her to shut up about the ring. He didn't understand why knowing how much it cost was so important to her.

Taking her hands, he pinned them above her head, he was going to show her once and for all that he loved her, despite everything, it was only her. And the cost of A God damn ring didn't matter.

"Christian." She breathed against him, as his mouth trailed down her neck, sending her to become weak everywhere. She felt the intensity of his every touch and in the moment it was consuming her. She always didn't realize when he'd picked her up and forced her legs to wrap around his waist.

"God, I love you." Christian praised again, for the one millionth time, as he walked her to the empty couch, careful not to knock any candles over.

"The library isn't for sex, Christian, we have a bedroom for that." Ana spoke in a whisper, still trying to heal from his attack.

"I don't give a fuck, Ana. I want you right here right now, on this couch. In fact I'll take you in every God damn room in this apartment just to prove to you that not only are you mine but I'll make love to you any way, anywhere I want."

"So controlling you is back?" Ana laughed.

"Just shut up so I can kiss you." Christian said, and then for the next remaining hours, he vowed to prove to her just how much he loved her.

"You're quiet. " Christian observed, as he and Ana lay under a quilt on the couch in the library. They'd made love for so long that he candles eventually burned out, causing them to have to turn on the little lamp in the room.

"I'm just thinking." Ana replied

"About what?"

"Are you going to tell your family that we're getting married?"

"Yes. Why? Do you not want to?" Christian questioned, sitting up so that he could look her in the eyes.

"It's not that, I'm just not sure if we should be broadcasting our engagement with Jack and Michael out there. I don't want you to get hurt, Christian, and they've more than proved just how far they'd go to destroy any happiness you might have the chance in having." Ana told him with a sadness. She wanted nothing more than for her and Christian to finally become husband and wife as they wanted a year ago, but she didn't want to inform everyone until it was all over. She wanted to be sure that she and Christian and their entire family was safe.

"Ana, don't start this, don't let them get in the way our happiness, we'll get them but until we do, you and I have to be on the same page, and we have to live our normal lives. If we don't then they win. If we sit here in our self-pity and our fear get in the way of us getting married, then we're doing exactly what they want.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you, I've lost you once, and I'm not ready to do it again." Ana stated in truth. She couldn't handle being without Christian, she just needed him to be a constant above all in her life.

"I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever. I don't care what I have to do to prove that to you, but I will. Forget about jack and Michael, right now, it's only me you. My beautiful fiancé. " Christian smiled at the word. There was a time in his life where he'd never thought this day would come, he never imagined settling down with anyone, but here he was, more in love than ever with such an amazing person and he wouldn't change it for the world.

"Fiancé. I like that." Ana smiled. Everything was finally coming together between her and Christian. They were happy, they were about to be planning a wedding. It didn't get any better than this.

Her only hope was that it would stay this way, but knowing their luck Jack and Michael would find their way to slither back in to cause them more pain.


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for your reviews and support as always. I don't know if you know this but I love you. And I'm just going to give you a heads up if I don't update soon it's because I've found an agent house to send out my book! So I'll be busy revising and doing editing before sending it out __ I hope you can understand that. I do love Fanfcition but my original work is my first dream _

Ana felt her nerves come to surface and she and Christian pulled into his childhood home. They were moments away from telling his family that they've made the decision to get married, and the truth was Ana had no idea how they'd react. She knew that Grace was on her side and more than that she knew that Christian's family loved her, but the honest truth was she still didn't feel worthy of Christian after all that happened. She accepted the fact that she couldn't change the fact that she slept with Cole, and that wasn't what this was about. Cole took apart of her that she didn't think she'd ever find or get back. Cole had taken quite a deal from Ana. He'd abused her, and maybe it didn't last for that long, but it did on some level make her feel like she wasn't worth anything.

"Hey, are you okay?" Christian asked as Taylor stopped the car so they could get out. Ana didn't move though, she just couldn't' accept the fact that Christian wanted her forever. Why would he? Cole tore her down, and now Christian was trying to rebuild her, but the truth was she couldn't be fixed. Maybe she'd be stuck like this forever.

Cole had made her weak, the moment she found out the truth about who he really was, and she knew that it was her fault. How could she have not have been suspicious? She couldn't rid the guilt she was burdening herself with.

"Earth to Ana." Christian tried again, knowing that whatever was on her mind, had to be big. She never spaced out the way she was doing now.

"I'm fine, Christian, I'm just nervous." She told him as she smooth the part of her dress that sat on her legs.

"About what? Ana my family loves you."

"I don't know." She lied, turning her head to look out the window. She had no idea why she was feeling this way, the sessions with Flynn should have been getting her to let it all go, but yet here she was feeling like Cole had taken something big from her.

"Don't do that." Christian said, grabbing her chin to force her to look at him. "Don't hide from me. We're in this together, Ana, whatever is on that pretty little mind of yours, I want to share it."

"I don't want you to be mad." Ana admitted. She knew that the subject of Cole wasn't something that Christian fancied to talk about, but then why would he?

"I won't be, baby, I just want you to discuss whatever you're going through with me. We're going to get married, remember? We have to be honest with each other, isn't that what Flynn said?"

Ana nodded. "I'm still unsure about this. Christian, I know I keep dragging this own, and I don't mean to, but I just feel like there's not really anyway you can love me after what Cole did. He beat me, and I let him, I stayed with him for a bit, and yet you still want to marry me, why?"

"Anastasia, I don't ever want to hear the words you let him beat you come out of your mouth again. Do you hear me? Cole is the son of bastard, which makes him a bastard child. He beat you, he's stronger than you, Ana. Don't you know that I don't care what happened between the two of you in this past year, you're with me, and I know that now? I know I've been a bastard, I treated you horribly and I'm still trying to make up for it, but Ana, don't ever think that I don't want to marry you because it's not true. In fact I have a half of mind to tell Taylor to take us to the airport so we can go to Vegas just to prove to you that I want to marry you. "

Ana laughed." Christian, I'm trying to be serious right now."

"I know, I'm trying to keep that beautiful smile on your face, listen to me okay? You said that we couldn't let them get to us, you said that we had to prove to them that nothing they did would tear us down, and I believe in that, why won't you?"

"When I found out who Cole was I didn't feel like I deserved happiness. I'd slept with him only months after you died, or supposedly died. And when I found out he had everything to do with you being gone, I thought I deserved it, I thought it was my punishment for how I treated your memory. I hate Cole so much, he took a part of me I can't get back. My bruises, they're gone but the scars he left on the inside, they're permanent."

"Do you know how much I love you?" Christian questioned as he rubbed his thumb across her cheek to stop her tears.

"Yes." Ana whispered

"Then know that I'm always going to catch you when you fall, we're going to get through this, you and me together, forever. And I know that this is hard for you and I hate that you feel like you deserve me, but Ana you do. And so much more. You made a few mistakes along the way, but you're still the woman I fell in love with. You have not changed for the worst, you've only become a better version of who you were."

"Do you really think that?"

"I do. Now can we put this conversation off, I promise we'll talk about it when we go home, but we're expected at this welcome home party." Christian said. Grace had decided to throw a welcome home party for Christian's return, even thought he'd returned a little shy of two months ago.

"I love you." Was Ana's only response as she and Christian made their way to the house.

"I'm so glad that you're all here." Grace said as she stood in the middle of the room, two hours later. It was the middle of the party, and the house was filled with people that Christian worked with, Christian knew and anyone who he'd ever met. At least that's how it felt to Ana ."Everyone knows that Christian is not my biological son, but he's my son in every way. A year and some months ago I got the horrifying news that he was dead, and I cannot tell you in words how much that broke my heart, I thought there was no way that I could possibly go on after that. It was such a dark year for not only my family, and myself, but for Ana. We all know how much Christian loves her and I'm so happy to see the two of them back on track. So I want to make a toast to the happy couple, Thank you for making my son happy, Ana. "

Cheers went through the room, as Grace ended the speech, and Ana knew that Christian was now going to take her place, which made her all the more nervous, so much that she had to hide in the corner of the room.

"As you all know, Anastasia came to interview me once, while she was in college. It was how we met. The moment I saw her, I knew that she was it for me. We've had our difficulties, our complications and everything in between, which is what ultimately what makes us a better and stronger couple. Without her, my life would just be a life, she gives it meaning, she gives me a reason to fight for something every single day. Now I'm here with all of you, a place I never thought I'd see again after the crash, and I'm so happy. Ana and I have some news we want to share. Anastasia has agreed to become my wife." Christian said with a smile. He couldn't explain in words how happy he was as he looked across the room and found his fiancé hiding. She never did like big crowds.

As the gasps surfaced through the air, Christian made his way to Ana, hugging and accepting congratulations on the way. He couldn't explain the happiness he felt, all he knew is he wanted to be next to the woman he loved.

"Why are you hiding? People want to congratulate you, and I want to show you off. And I'm quite sure that ring needs to be shown off as well." Christian smirked, pulling Ana to him and planting a long, passionate kiss on her. He could hear the awes surface throughout the room, but he just didn't care. He would kiss her forever, if only she'd allow it.

"I just needed some space, I guess. "

"I love you. "

"I love you too."

"Now we've told the family, can we set a date?"

"Christian, not yet. I know we've told your family, but we've yet to tell mine, and I'm not even sure my mom wants to speak to me."

"Why?"

"We'll talk about it later."

"Can you just tell me that you're enjoying yourself just a little?" Christian asked her, leading her in the kitchen as everyone mingled and talked amongst themselves. Christian was willing to bet, Grace was already planning the wedding.

"I am. I promise, everything is just a little overwhelming."

Christian grabbed Ana, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she stood opposite to him. He planted a kiss on her bare shoulder and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I know that all of this is hard for you, but I meant what I said, I love you and no one or nothing can come between that because what we have, it's real."

"I love you Christian, we'll be happy right?"

"I just want you to be my wife."

"And that's going to be the biggest mistake of your life." A familiar voice came from behind. And as they turned Elena stood in the doorway with a wicked smile upon her face

As if things couldn't get any worse. Fuck!


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N: Thanks for your support and love of the story. I'm sorry I haven't been replying to reviews __ I said from the beginning that I would reply to every single one no matter how big or small because that's how much you guys mean to me. So I'm sorry._

_I also want to apologize for the shortness of this chapters, I'm building up to what's happening next :D _

"What are you doing here?" Christian chided at Elena as she closed the doors behind her. He was more than grateful for what she'd done for him, but Ana was still his priority and Elena never once treated her with respect.

"I've come to see you, and I was invited by Grace." Elena smiled as she walked to Christian and took one of his hands, but he pulled away. "Christian why in the world would you ask this girl to marry you?"

"Because I love her, and by some miracle she loves me back. After everything we've been through, her thinking I was dead, and all the horrible things that have happened, she never stopped loving me, or waiting for me, if I didn't marry her, I'd be a fool."

"You're wrong, you're only a fool if you marry her." Elena said as she stood face to face with Christian, who only seemed to be more aggravated. The last thing Ana needed was Elena to tell him how bad she was for him. She had problems of her own.

"Where do you get off making judgment at Ana?" Christian asked Elena furiously. As he stepped away from her and took Ana by the hand, as to soothe her. She'd become quiet, and a quiet Ana was never a good thing.

"She doesn't deserve you, Christian. She's a pathetic little girl who can't handle a bit of grief. You die, and she runs off in the sac with the first guy who smiles at her." Elena started, trying to make Christian see reason, but he wasn't having it.

"Shut up." Christian said, turning to Ana." Baby, why don't you go back to the party?"

"No, I'm not leaving. " Ana said, finding her voice. Who did Elena think she was to talk about her as if she wasn't standing in the room? She'd had enough of this woman.

"So she speaks." Elena harassed as she turned her full attention to Ana.

"Shut up Elena. Just shut the hell up! No one wants you here, so why are you?"

"I've come to talk sense into this man that stands before me, you don't deserve him, and you'll never make him happy honey. You're a weak, fragile little girl. He needs a sub, not a wife. And you're nothing more than a whore."

Snapping at the words, Ana threw the glass of wine, she'd forgotten she was holding in Elena's face, after slapping her.

"Excuse me!" Christian cut in raising his voice. He didn't care who heard him, he didn't care who came rushing into the room, and no one was going to talk to Ana in that way, especially not Elena.

Stepping in front of Ana, and putting a distance between her and Elena, he was fed up, and he'd had enough.

"Christian, " Elena began in a calm voice, but Christian held a hand up at her

"I don't care what you say to me, but I never want to hear those words thrown at Ana again. She does not deserve to be treated this way, and you my friend, you're not getting anywhere with me by being a first class bitch to her. I love Ana, and that might be hard for you to understand, but it's true. I don't need sex to keep happy anymore, I don't need a whip or a cane, or control, I just need Ana."

"You're in deeper than I thought. Don't you remember all the fun we used to have?" Elena smirked, placing a hand on Christian's shoulder.

"Don't touch me, it repulses me, I don't ever want anyone but Ana to fucking touch me. Got it? I don't care what we had, not anymore, I don't value it, and I don't hold it close to my heart. We fucked, that's all it was. " Christian spat at her, disgusted with her attempts to get him to forget about Ana. It would never happen though, he loved her. And no matter what Elena said or did that was one thing he was sure of. His only concern was that this was making Ana feel worse about herself, and she had enough insecurities at the moment.

"Christian, I know you felt more than that."

"You need to leave, and you need to leave now." Christian said, taking Ana's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Christian, we can have that again, forget this tramp and come home with me, we can roll around in the sheets like we used to."

"We never rolled around in the sheets Elena, you know it was a bit more complicated than that when we had sex." Christian said, annoyed.

"Get the hell out of my house!" Christian's eyes went wide as he watched his mother come into the room. Out of all the people who could have walked through the door, why must have it been her?

"Mom…."

"I'll deal with you later. " Grace snapped at Christian, not even bothering to look at him as she made her way to Elena and crossed her hand with her face, causing Elena to become speechless.

Grace was her closest friend and it seemed now it was over.

"Grace."

"I said get out, that's my boy, and you slept with him. You're disgusting, now get the hell out of my house before I throw you out."

Elena made no other attempt at apologizing as she left the house.

"Mom?" Christian asked as he walked towards an upset Grace, who couldn't even bother to look at him. She was too heartbroken. She couldn't understand what she'd just heard and she had no idea what to do with the information. Should she be mad at Christian, let it go? He was an adult, right?

"How long ago? " Grace questioned in a whisper, not entirely sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"I was fifteen." Christian admitted. He couldn't lie to his mother, as much as he wanted to. He just couldn't.

"Fifteen?" She gasped. "Fifteen? Christian? And you didn't tell me? That's abuse. She took advantage of you."

"No, she didn't mom. I can't explain it, but I knew what I was doing."

"You were a child, and she's a pedophile." Grace snapped at her son, feeling her heart break into a million pieces.

"Mom"

"And poor Ana, how could you let that woman talk to her the way she did. Are you okay sweetheart?"

"I'm fine, Grace really. I'm just a little tired, and over exhausted " Ana admitted, feeling all her emotions come to surface, she was sure all she wanted to do was crawl in a hole and sleep for eternity.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

"You've not hurt me Christian, In this moment, I've never been more disappointed in you. I can't even have this conversation right now. I have to get back out there." Grace told him, she just couldn't get past this, and the honest truth was she wasn't sure if she ever would.

"Mom." Christian called after her, but she only ignored him.

"Give her time, " Ana said, lacing her fingers with Christian's.  
"She'll never forgive me.

"Yes she will."

"Ana I love you, so much. I wish that I could take all your pain away, I wish that you'd know how much I love you." Christian started their conversation from earlier back up, he needed any distraction from the fact that his mother would never forgive him.

"I know you love me, I know that more than anything, and I love you."

"I'm sorry for what you had to hear tonight, I'm sorry that she said those things, baby. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, she did this on her own and now she's to suffer the consequences of her actions. It's you and me Christian, don't lose sight in that.

"I never could, you consume me Anastasia, and I cannot wait until the moment you have my last name. "

"I think I need to speak with Flynn some more before we set a date, I want to be good wife, and I have all these feelings that are taking over, feelings of guilt, anger, self-pity, and unworthiness and I don't feel that way. I want to wake up every day and be proud of who I am, the way I used to. Is that okay?" Ana asked.

"That's perfectly fine, you take all the time you need because now that I've found the one to spend my life with, I'll wait forever.

In that moment of clarity, Ana knew that she'd be okay. And no matter where life took them nice, she and Christian would make it through, they just had to.


	41. Chapter 41

_A/N: Seems to me everytime I say I'm going to take a break from Fanfiction to focus on my original stories, I only get more inspired. Guess it's a good thing I have the day off tomorrow, eh? _

_I know this chapter is a bit boring and I apologize for that, but I kind of like writing the simple things before I have to bring drama back. Hehe. _

_Happy readings. _

_Thanks for all your support with this story, you guys have no idea how much that means. You're all stars. _

"Why do you feel unworthy of his love?" Flynn asked as Christian and Ana sat in his office for a session. She'd finally admitted that she needed to talk about it after weeks of trying to deny the fact that anything was wrong. After the interruption with Elena, Christian and Ana made an appointment. Ana knew that if she ever wanted to marry Christian, that this was needed to be done.

"I don't know." Ana whispered, feeling self-conscious with Christian in the room. She knew that she needed him here though, he needed to hear every word that was about to come out of her mouth because the reality was if he didn't they'd never be able to finally be with each other. "I guess, I just don't feel like his Ana anymore. I ruined myself, and well why would he want that? Why would he want a broken, ugly version of myself when he could have any woman he wanted?"

"But I don't want anyone but you, when will you learn that?" Christian cut in before Flynn could say a word. He didn't care that Flynn was going to tell him to give Ana a chance to talk, he didn't care about the fact that they weren't alone, he only wanted Ana to see the woman he saw when he looked in to her wide blue eyes. He only wanted her to see that no matter where life took them, he'd love her forever.

Ana on the other hand, saw none of that, and if she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure she ever would.

"Christian, why don't we give Ana a chance to speak? " Flynn suggested, as he looked at his watch.

"I need her to know that I love her, that's her I want to be with, John, how am I going to make her see that if I just sit her and twiddle my thumbs as I listen to her doubt herself?" Christian snapped at John as he watched Ana from across the chair he was sitting in.

"Just give her a chance to get everything out, Christian, and then it's going to be your turn. Let's just let Ana talk for now."

Sighing, Christian sat back in his chair and carefully listened to the woman he loved. It took everything he had not to speak up before his turn.

"Now, Ana, you say that he could have any woman he wanted, but what makes you think that he wants that? "

Ana shrugged, she really didn't have an answer to that. He'd proven over and over how much he truly loved her, hell he'd even proposed to her, and yet here she was telling Flynn that if he wanted any other woman he could have her. " Maybe I just don't feel like the two of us can be who we were before. I mean, I love him, and he's proven how much he loves me. I've changed though, Cole took quite a bit from me, he made me feel worthless, and regardless of the fact that he can't hurt me anymore, it's still there. He abused me, I know that, but I let him. I didn't fight back and that says something about me that makes me weak and stupid. And the fact that I let him ruin my face makes me ugly. "

"Your face has healed. " Flynn said with a confused tone.

"When I look in the mirror, all I can see is the bruises that were on my face. The way he made me unrecognizable. Why did he do that to me? I thought he loved me."

"He was sick, and doesn't even close to justify what he did, but Ana, you are not to blame for this, and you blaming yourself for it, you have to find a way to put it behind you. " Flynn encouraged Ana, as she pulled her knees to her chin.

"All of this is only hurting you and your relationship with Christian. Do you remember finding out everything about his past? You wanted to save him correct?"

Ana nodded.

"Well imagine how he's feeling right now, he wants to save you, but he can't do that. You can only save yourself, but I want you to remember that you're not in this alone, Christian is with you, as are all your family and friends, don't push them away, don't suffer in silence, open up. "

"What if I can't? " Ana questioned. The truth was she knew that she had a huge support system, but she was too ashamed to actually open up and talk about everything that rattled around in her head.

"May I speak? " Christian asked sarcastically

"Yes, you may." Flynn answered with a smirk at Christian's question.

"Ana, I love you, I have loved you from the very moment you fell into my office. You were so beautiful that day." Christian smiled as he recalled the day the met.

"I looked horrible, Christian, not to mention I was nervous, and I was a wreck, I'm not like other women who've came into your office. " Ana stated with confusion. How could Christian ever find her beautiful while she'd been so awkward?

"Ana the fact that you're like other woman that makes you all the more appealing to me. The fact that you didn't see your beauty, makes you even more beautiful, I love you so much and I'll spend the rest of my life building your confidence if I have to. The day we met you looked beautiful, and innocent, and ever since that day, I've not lived a day where you weren't on my mind, baby I love you. I know you're hurting, and I wish to God that you weren't, but I'm here for you to lean back on. If you want to cry, then I'll wipe those tears, if you want to scream, I'll scream with you, and if you want to hit something, I'll be your punching bag, because I just want that smile of yours to come back. Don't ever doubt my love for you, there will never be anyone but you." Christian said, as he moved from the chair to the couch next to Ana. Who still wasn't able to look at him.

Taking in each word Christian said, Ana's eyes began to fill up with tears. She'd gotten lucky the moment she met Christian, she knew that, and she'd cherish it forever.

"I'm so sorry, Christian." She sobbed as she finally looked up to face him.

"You have nothing to apologize for, I just want you happy, so we can move forward and finally get the happily ever after that we deserve." Christian said, then turned to Flynn "Do you think we could have a moment?"

"Of course, take all the time you need." Flynn said as he exited his office

"Want to talk to me now?" Christian asked, He wasn't going to push her, but if she was willing to talk, he'd listen.

"I just feel like Cole took more from me than I realized. I never fought back, I never stopped him from hitting me, I just sat there and took it."

"Do you ever think that maybe you were in shock? I mean come on Anastasia, you trusted him, and I don't understand why, and maybe I will but you did. You cared for him, and you thought he cared just as much about you. And so when he hit you, you weren't sure what to do, not to mention you'd just found out what he did to my plane, it's understandable, sweetheart. I don't want to you blame yourself for this, you're better than him, don't let him bring you down."

"I love you, Christian, I'm sorry I've not been the fiancé you deserve." Ana apologized as Christian took her hand and entwined their fingers together.

"I love you too, you're my entire world, and I just want you to know that, okay? Whatever you're going through we'll get through it together, but don't dare make it seem like it's no big deal, we'll get through this if you'll just let me in."

"I know Christian, I think I just need you. I've been holding it all in and you're right, you and John both, I just need to let it out. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, I'm so sorry for letting Cole into my life. I just feel remorseful for all the pain I let you come home to."

"We don't need to have this conversation, I've forgiven you, completely. I love you, so much. And whatever in the past year, can stay there. It's you and me."

"I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to wake up every day feeling damaged because of what he did to me. It's going to be okay, right Christian? You and me we're going to last?" Ana questioned, feeling anything but hopeful.

On some degree she knew that she and Christian were meant to be, but lately she just couldn't understand why he still wanted her after what she did. Even though she didn't feel like she deserved him, she knew deep in her heart that she'd never be okay with being without him.

"Well work through it, okay? I promise you that. We're going to get through this rough patch and then it's just going to be happiness after that. "

"Not exactly." Ana argued, remembering the reason she and Christian were apart to begin with.

"What do you mean?"

"Jack, Michael and Linc, well they're still out there, Christian. And not to mention Elena, and how she hurt poor Grace. I can't imagine what she's going through right now." Ana said with a frown.

Grace had been her rock through the past year and the fact that Elena had pulled what she did made Ana want to pull out every single strand of Elena's hair out.

"We'll get through this, don't you worry."

"Promise. "

"I do, baby, let's go home." Christian said, holding out a hand that she willing took

"Okay."

She knew the hard times were far from over, but she was finally ready to face them head on.


	42. Chapter 42

_A/Thank you guys so much for all your love and support of this story. It's sad to think it's almost over. But I'm so grateful for it all .Between love and support I'm getting on here and my author's page, I couldn't be happier. _

Ana looked out the window where the balcony as she looked at the view of Seattle. It was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever saw and she knew that she could look at forever and still be satisfied. It was two weeks since She and Christian had their session with Flynn and she was finally starting to get better. She wasn't completely over what happened with Cole, or the fact that she felt weak, but with Christian by her side, she was starting to heal. It was four and the morning, and she left Christian peacefully sleeping in their bed. All she could think about was Jack and Michael. It was too quiet, which had to mean they were planning something, right?

She couldn't but feel like something bad was about to happen. The last thing Ana wanted was more pain, and drama between her and Christian. It was bad enough that he was still trying to get his mother's forgiveness for Elena. Grace had barely spoken to Christian since that night she'd found out everything and she couldn't even understand how Ana could accept what happened. Grace was still dealing with the fact that her best friend took advantage of her son. How did you get over something like that? If it had been her son, Ana wasn't sure she would either.

She opened the door that led outside and felt the chill of the cold breeze, but rather than getting a coat, she only walked farther out on the balcony to see the view more closely. In that moment, she just felt free. Nothing was wrong, she felt miles away from reality.

It didn't last long though, as she went into the kitchen, she found a vase of flowers with a note attached.

_Don't think our silence means that we've forgotten. We're coming for that woman of yours._

_M._

Before she had a chance to react, arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace causing her face to curve a grin.

"My bed is cold and lonely without you." Christian whispered in her ear, after kissing her on the side of her cheek.

"I couldn't sleep, I've been too distracted. " Ana admitted to him, letting her fears of Jack, Linc, and Michael come to surface. The truth was their silence frightened her. It was never a good thing to not know where they were or what they were up to.

"What's on your mind? "Christian questioned with worry in his voice. It was never a good thing when Ana couldn't sleep due to too much on her mind. And he was willing to bet he already knew what was bothering her.

"It's just that we don't know where they are, Christian, it's too quiet. What if they're plotting the next tragedy? "

"Hey, don't do that, Ana. Don't worry, we're on this."

"Then explain this to me, Christian? " Ana snapped, handing him the note and watching him read over it. A frown came over his face as he pounded on the breakfast bar.

"I'll figure this out, okay? I won't let anything happen to you."

"That's the problem, Christian, you won't but you'll die trying. And that's no better. I'm not for one second worried about myself, I'm only worried about you. What if they hurt you this time?" Ana said, not wanting to relive the past year. It had broken her, and if she lost Christian again, she knew she wouldn't survive it. Not again.

"Ana…."

"No, you're not listening, if they want me, they can have me, but I will not, I cannot lose you again. I won't survive it this time. I can't live in a world without you."

"I need you to listen to me, we'll get through this and neither of us are going to be hurt. They'll get what's coming to them, you, you need to stay positive. I know this is all hard on you, Ana, but we'll get through this. Our love, it's that strong." Christian told her as he framed her face to wipe her tears. He was confident enough in their love to believe that they'd get through anything. " Christian tried convincing Ana, but it just didn't seem to work, she was dead set on the fact that something wicked their way was coming.

"Christian, I can't lose you." Ana said as she began to sob. "You're all that I have."

"Hey, look at me." Christian demanded at her, taking one of his hands to lift her chin, while the other laced their fingers together. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, believe me or don't, baby that's your choice, but I'll protect you. We'll be okay. Don't you trust me?"

"It's not about…"

"Ana, do you trust me?"

"Christian.."

"Answer the question."

"Yes, I trust you okay? All of this has nothing to do with me trusting you though. It has to do with the three psycho's out there who want me, Christian. And they'll stop at nothing to get what they want. You know that better than anyone."

"You look incredibly beautiful." Christian responded, as an attempt to distract her from the negative.

"Christian." Ana started, but he only moved closer to her as she backed away. What was wrong with him? They were supposed to be having a serious conversation and all he was doing was trying to get in her pants.

"Oh, Ana. I love the way your hair falls past your shoulders." He told her as he took a strand between his fingers. "You're the most beautiful woman I know. And I'm thinking that I want you right here, right now."

"No."

"No?" Christian questioned as he pushed her against the counter and put his hands on both side of her so she couldn't move.

"I… We… Christian." Ana whispered, her heartbeat coming faster, she knew there was no denying the fact that she wanted him. Their sexual attraction is what drew them together in the first place, but right now they needed to talk.

"We can talk later." Christian demanded as he lifted her nightgown over her head and let it fall to the ground.

"Christian. " Ana softly moaned as he lifted her the counter and began to kiss her roughly. Placing her legs around his waist, Christian began to move his hands to her panties, it didn't take long before they were completely off and they found themselves on the floor of Escala.

Christian's plan to distract her, it definitely worked.

"I know that all of this is hard for you, and I respect that, and I'm trying to help you but you've got to trust and believe when I say that I have the best security here, and I'm never going to let you out of my sight." Christian told her as he stroked her arm as they lay naked under the covers in the living area of Escala.

"I'm just afraid. I don't want them to win anymore, and I just feel like that's all they've been doing. I love you so much, and I want to spend my life with you, being happy. I don't want all these obstacles in the way. I just want you, Christian, not everything else." Ana admitted, as she listened to the sound of Christian's heartbeat. It was a sound she knew she could listen to forever.

"I know baby, and I do promise you that we'll have that. This is just another storm that's going to pass and then we'll get our happily ever after. I want that with you, I want everything. And no matter it costs me, I'm going to give you the entire world and more. I just need you to be patient, I need you to believe in me like you always have, trust enough with your safety and I promise it'll be okay."

"I trust you, I trust you with my life. " Ana told him with a smile.

"That's good to know, I want you to believe that, Ana. I'm going to make this all go away, then you're going to be my wife, and I'm going to take you away for several weeks, anywhere in the world you want to go."

"Even London?" Ana questioned as happiness filled inside of her. It had always been her dream place to go, but she never thought she'd get to go.

"Even London, for you, Anastasia, anything." Christian confirmed, squeezing her tighter as if he never wanted to let her go. "I love you."

"I love you too. Christian, "

It wasn't long before the pair fell asleep wrapped in each other. Everything just felt right.

"It's nice to see you." The man said to Cole as he took the seat across from him. Cole had been in here for months, after his breakdown in court. He almost thought jail would have been better. This place was full of crazies and he never got a chance to himself. The only thing he wanted, was his Ana.

"Didn't think I'd see you for a while." Cole responded

"I've been busy, you know? Working on the plan and all."

"Are you close to getting me the fuck out of here?"

"Patience Cole, you'll be reunited with Ana soon. Just hold on to that. It's not the reason I'm here though, I'm worried about you, Cole." The man told him as he reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "I'd never thought you'd be the same after what happened with Melanie. I don't want to see you make those same mistakes. I knew Ana once, I cared about her, despite everything we're doing, I don't want to see her end up in the way Melanie did."

"I loved Mel. I really did, but I promise I won't hurt Ana, I just need to prove to her that she can trust me."

"As you will. Just be careful this time, okay? I have to get going Michael is expecting me. Take care little brother." He said, then gave Cole a reassuring smile.

Then he left. If nothing else, Cole knew that he could trust his brother more than anyone. It gave him peace to know that he'd soon be out of this nut house.


	43. Chapter 43

_A/N: Thank you guys for reading. Not really liking this chapter though. Maybe It's just me. I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues, and so if you see me disappear from here for a while and my FB page vanish, I'm sorry. I just want to warn you this time in case I end up deactivating again. _

_Life hasn't been easy lately, and I'm usually an optimistic person but everything with my gram and what my family is dealing with has been consuming me, and I honestly keep finding myself questioning everything about myself. _

_At 20 years old, never imagined I'd have all the weight of the world on my shoulders. _

_I'm sorry its so short though. I usually try to make my scenes longer. But it didn't fit well here. _

_I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's possible it might be the last one _

"He misses you. " Ana told Grace as she sat across from her at the table in Grace's house. Ana had come over early that morning after receiving a phone call from her. She'd left Christian sleeping peacefully in bed and rushed over.

"I miss him too, dear. " Grace admitted. Christian was her son, and it wasn't that she was angry with him, far from it. How could she ever be angry at her son, when he'd done nothing wrong? Elena had taken advantage of him, she'd been the one who seduced him, and she'd make it her life's mission to make sure Elena never stepped a foot near her family again.

"Then why don't you call him?"

"I feel betrayed, Ana." Grace admitted. She may have been years older than Ana, but the past year of dealing with everything life handed them, she and Ana developed a friendship. It wasn't quite like the friendship Ana had with Kate, but it was more of a relationship she seemed to have with her mother these days.

"I know, Grace. And I honestly don't blame you. He feels bad you know, he never wanted you to find out, especially not the way you did. He feels like he's done something wrong, and all he wants is your forgiveness. You know Christian better than most, he feels everything. When he loves, he loves really well, but when he hurts, it consumes him, and he feels like he's lost you." Ana told Grace in a harsh truth. The last thing she wanted to do was make it harder on Grace, but she hated seeing Christian feel like he'd done something wrong.

"Ana, bless your heart. You're such an amazing woman. Christian is so glad to have you. I don't hate my son, I love him very much, and the truth is I don't want to face him because I blame myself." Grace admitted to Ana in a soft whisper. She'd battled with this feeling since the moment she found out the truth of the honest relationship of what Christian and Elena had been.

"Why?" Ana asked in confusion. Grace had no reason to blame herself, why would she?

"She's my best friend, Ana, well she was. I allowed my son to go over to her house, and she took advantage of the damaged boy he was. She took advantage of the hurt and suffering that my son was going through and she allowed something completely wrong to happen. He must have been so confused, how could she do that? Of all boys, why mine? I was her best friend." Grace said out loud. She and Elena had been friends for so long, how in the world could Elena take advantage of that? How could she hurt the son that had so much baggage? How could she traumatize him more than he already had been? It was sick.

"Grace, I don't have the answers you're looking for, I can't tell you what you want to hear about Elena, my honest opinion is she's a cold hearted bitch. I can tell you though, that Christian loves you, you're his hero. You saved him when he was a child, and if you think for one second that he doesn't hold that close to his heart every single day, you're wrong. He loves you more than anything in the entire world, and without you, he'd be broken." Ana said in a truth. She watched Christian in the past couple of weeks without the support and love of his mother, and it had completely broken him.

"I know I'll have to talk to him, but right now, I can't. I still need time to face the fact that my son slept with Elena. " Grace said. "How do I look at him and not feel disappointed?

What she didn't know though was that Christian was standing right outside the kitchen.

"I'll tell you how. You look at him and remember all the pain he went through as a child. He was a bit screwed up, we both know that. He didn't know how vindictive Elena is, Christian thought she was saving him. All he's know is negativity, we can't fault him for that. I know that you don't think he's a disappointment, you don't have it in you for that. " Ana told her. Grace was one of the most amazing women Ana knew and she knew that in time, she'd come around, right now she needed space, and that was totally understandable.

"I've got to get running, I have an appointment with Flynn. I'll see you later, talk to him Grace, if nothing else let him know that you still love him. You know how his mind thinks, just talk to him." Ana told her before placing a hand on her shoulder and leaving.

"We need to talk." The man said to Michael as they sat face to face in a diner. He couldn't see Michael's face considering he was wearing sun glasses and a hat. The things he had to do in order to avoid police.

"About?"

"Cole. I'm worried about him. I love my little brother more than anything in the world and you know I'd do anything for him, but father, it's not healthy for us to get him out right now. Let the doctors work their magic in a few weeks time, we can break him out. I know you don't care about her, but I do. Ana is a friend, or she was once upon a time. We've not had contact in about two years, but I won't allow her to suffer the way Melanie did. She was killed because of the sickness we both know he has. " The man told Michael in a plea. The last thing he wanted was for Ana to become hurt.

"Son, it'll all work out, I promise. The girl won't be hurt. Cole loves her."

"He loved Mel too, and look what happened to her. And then there's Mr. Grey you need to worry about, he'll destroy you before he lets anything happen."

"Not if I destroy him first. Just think about it, father, let it go. Just for now, I want help in any way I can your my family just as much as my adopted family is. I will not allow Ana to be hurt though, please just let Cole get some help."

"You're either with us or you're not. I love you, and Cole and I want my family together, and Cole refuses to help without Ana. As much as I hate the fact that he's got this obsession with her, we kind of need her to move forward with our plans." Michael said with an evil smile. When he was finished with him, Christian Grey would be destroyed.

"I don't like this." Michael's son said again. He remembered the conversations having with Ana, he was one of the many who once desired her love, in the end though, the billionaire won out.

"You don't have to, you're either with us though, or against us. Make your choice."

"I'm with you dad, I'm always with you."

"Good, now lets go. The last thing we need is for anyone to see me. I'm glad you're here.

"Me too."

"I heard what you said today, " Christian said to Ana as they lay in bed, his arms tightly squeezing her to his bare chest. She always felt safer in his arms than she had anywhere else.

"When?"

"At my mom's. I went over there to talk to my father, I had no idea you were there, I heard the two of you in the kitchen, I heard her basically say I was a disappointment." Christian told her in hurt tone.

"She loves you, she doesn't see you that way, she's just confused on why you didn't come to her when all this happened. "

"Thank you for what you said to her, I know I don't deserve it, but I'm glad I have you, sweetheart. Ana, without you I'd be a train wreck."

"You won't ever have to be without me, it's you and me, Christian."

"You make me whole Ana. Remember that song, Pieces, that's my song to you. Because without you, I wouldn't be whole." He told her then he softly sang her a melody, she'd never forget.

I'm here again  
A thousand miles away from you  
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am  
I tried so hard  
Thought I could do this on my own  
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole

I've come undone  
But you make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your hand,

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!  
I tried so hard!

Then I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole  
So you can make me whole

Song-Pieces by red.

I don't usually like putting songs in the story anymore but I love this one. And it kinda fits.


	44. Chapter 44

A/N: Thank you guys so much for all your support and love of this story, Now I just want to say I'm sorry for not updating sooner. The thing is though, My computer crashed two days ago, and I'm now using a loner I may have lost every story I've ever written. Just my luck, right,I'm using a new writing program so if it uploads all screwed up I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter though and know how much I love each and every one of you. ! I also want to say thank you guys for your prayers for my gram. She's okay, at the moment. :)You guys really don't have to worry about me anymore, I know that I've threatened to leave Fanfiction and I apologize for that. I think It's one of them moments in life when you feel like the world is coming down on you so you just take it out on the thing you love the most in life, and for me that's writing.

"I'm glad you came." Grace greeted her son as he walked through the door. Christian couldn't contain how nervous he was. It was the first time his mother had reached out to him, and it terrified him. He wanted to hope for the best as Ana had encouraged him before leaving the house, but the honest truth was this meeting with his mother was either going to make or break their relationship. And Christian prayed hard that his mother wasn't going to abandon him, he just couldn't survive if she did.

"Hi mom." Christian greeted her, before placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

"How are you doing? " Grace asked her son, as she noticed him not acting as his usual self. She knew that it was probably partly her fault for the way she'd been pushing him away and out of her life. She never meant for him to feel less of his worth than he was, but the honest truth was that she'd been shocked with the news of he and Elena, she only just needed time to adjust.

"I'm fine, let's not small talk mother, get to the point, you either love me or hate me. I'm sorry for what I've done, and how you found out. I never wanted... "

"Christian I don't hate you, I could never hate you. You're my son regardless of everything that happened, understand that right now." Grace demanded at him, as she took one of his hands in hers and led him to the kitchen where they sat at table. "With that being said though, I'm hurt by what happened. I am disgusted by what happened all those years ago."

"Mom," Christian started, but Grace held up a hand at him. If she didn't say what she had practiced all morning, she never would. Understand why the affair between Christian and Elena happened, but she wouldn't blame her son for the appalling thing that her friend had done.

"Christian, I need you to listen to me. It wasn't your fault, what happened. She took advantage of you, she used your pain to her advantage. Sweetheart you were just a kid, you had no idea what she was doing. I understand why you didn't come to me. I wish you would have though, I wish I could have saved you more than anything in the world. " Grace told her son in honesty. The only thing she ever wanted was Christian's happiness, and as a child he never had that. The people he was supposed to be able to trust and rely on only hurt him further. And Grace vowed to personally make sure Christian got justice for what Elena had done to him.

"I think you're misreading all of this mom. Despite everything, Elena saved me. She stopped me from fighting and she stopped me from drinking, I knew exactly what I was doing, in fact I wanted to. " Christian informed his mother in a harsh dose of reality. He hated that he had to be so cruel, but he wouldn't let Grace turn it into something it wasn't.

"Christian, let be reasonable here..."

"Mom, I love you more than anything in the world. You saved my life when I was just a boy, you're my hero, you always been. The thing you fail to see though, is the fact that I was damaged long before you rescued me. I've improved within time, but mom I was so screwed up after my childhood. Elena changed something in me. She didn't make me happy, in fact I never found happiness until I met Ana, but she made me content. I know that it's twisted, I know you don't understand, but you have to listen to me when I say Elena did nothing wrong. "

"You're blind Christian, she did nothing to better you. And think about poor Ana, and the problems she's caused at your welcome home party. Ana loves you, but after what she went thorough, she didn't deserve it. " Grace said with a higher pitched tone. He had to see that. There was reason there. He couldn't possibly defend Elena toward Ana.

"She has been dealt with when it concerns Ana. I promise you that. I will never let anyone hurt her, but when It comes to me, you've got to let it go." Christian stated to his mother, as his Grey eyes pierced into her. He understood her reasoning for being the overprotective mother against him that she was, but there was just no need for it.

"I hate this, I can't let go, Christian she was my friend, you are my son."

"Mom, please. Let's just agree to disagree. If you can't do it for me, then do it for Ana. She's on her way back to happiness and we're due to be married, remember? Let her live out her dreams, let Elena live in the past right where she belongs. "

Sighing Grace decided Christian was right, it was far from over with her and Elena, but for now she'd let it go.

"Thank you." Christian said realizing his mother's face as he gave her hand a squeeze.

"I didn't do it for you, and this conversation is far from over, despite everything though, sweetheart, I love you and I never want you to forget that, okay?"

"I couldn't mom. I love you too. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You saved me not only from that life, but from myself and I could live a thousands years, and I'd never be able to thank you in the right way. I don't know if I tell you all of this enough, and if I don't I'm sorry. You know better than anyone, I'm not good with expressing my feelings but I love you so much, and without you my life wouldn't be complete. I want you to know that, I want you to know that more than anything. If something should ever happen to me, mom, I want you to know this time that I love you. "

"Why do I feel like your telling me goodbye?" Grace questioned her son as he preached her his speech of how much he loved her.

"I'm not, I just want to prepared for whatever is to come. Jack, Linc, and Michael are still out there, and I'll protect all of you before I even consider protecting myself. "

"I know, Christian, please promise me that you'll look out for yourself. This past year was hard on us all don't you go putting yourself out there." Grace snapped at him. She wouldn't lose him again. Maybe it was selfish, but she couldn't bare to be without him. She couldn't function. She couldn't bear if anything happened to any of her children.

"What are you still doing here?" Michael chided At the mystery man who sat at the kitchen table of their condo, and sipped on orange juice.

"It would appear that I'm eating breakfast, father. " The man smiled up at him and gave a smirk, knowing it would only drive Michael insane. In a way he had it better than Cole ever did, even though he was on their side, he was never afraid of the person Michael was.

"Shouldn't you be preoccupying Anastasia so that Jack and I can get your brother out of that place? We need the Grey's distracted ad you're the perfect one. With you in the picture it's going to drive Christian insane. He's got a jealous side, a possessive one and right now it's exactly what we need. So get the hell up and go."

"I may be your son, but you don't tell me what to do. I am not Cole and I'm not going to follow your every fucking order, I am a man, not a boy. And I was raised with morals, you don't have any of those. I will not let a single harm come to that girl, you're going to know that right now. " He told his father with a serious tone.

"You listen here, you're going to do exactly what I say whether you like it or not, son"

"Stop, you keep threatening me, and I'm out. Then how are you going to get your golden child out of the mess he created? If you only raised him right, we wouldn't be in this fucking mess. " He said

"You think being raised where you were was any better?"

"It was I had great parents and a great brother out of it. Sure he doesn't know I was adopted, I found that out accidental, but they're amazing. Sometimes I regret even finding you. I'll fucking go, okay? But if Cole screws this shit up, I'm done."

"Whatever you say Mr. Paul Clayton. " Michael said.

Paul gave him a Dirty look and then left the condo. It was time to finally put their plan in motion, no matter how much he hated it.


	45. Chapter 45

_A/N/: I'm sorry for my absence, but I've been working on a lot lately. Not to mention that I've been a bit doubtful with FF lately. I do apologize for that. I just feel like lately I'm only an update not a person. That sounds selfish, and I'm really sorry. _

_When I started this story, I just felt like a had such a great support system and now that I've been working with original stuff and getting published, I feel like I've lost it, but I do get it. __ Thank you to those of you who still support me. _

_Anyways, I hope you love this next chapter, and guess what? I'm going to be a published author as of August 15__th__. If you care to show me some support I'd be happy if you like my author page under Author Ada Slowe. Also, I am officially a goodreads author, if you care to check it out, it's called The Power of Love by Ada Slowe: D I'd love it if you did, but you don't at all have to _

_Thank you for all your support. Happy Readings. Sorry it's a bit boring AGAIN. Still building up here!_

Ana knew this was the last place she should be as she walked to the table where the person who'd abused her sat. She knew Christian would find out, and for that it would become a fight, but if there was such a thing as closure, this was the only she could in fact get it. Flynn once told her that she needed to face her fears head on, and it just happened that Cole was her biggest fear, and at the moment she just needed to face that.

"Well this is a nice surprise, Ana." Cole said with a self-righteous smirk that made her skin crawl. She was thankful to have doctors and other patients around, unlike last time while she was in the hospital and Cole was able to grab her right before Christian came to her rescue. Much like he'd probably do today. It took a lot of persuasion to get Taylor to bring her here, and she was willing to bet her life that he was already on the phone with Christian telling him everything. The thought made her smile, she was grateful to have such a great support system. So many people who love her, and she would never take it for granite.

"Just shut up, Cole. I'm not here for you to gloat, I'm not here for you to tell me how much you love me because we both know that's not true." Ana stated with a fierceness she didn't realize she'd had inside of her until the words began to come from her mouth.

"Ana, I do love you, " Cole began, but Ana didn't give him a chance to explain before holding her hand up as she sat in front of him.

"Just shut up, I'm talking. You are so disgusting, and I can't believe I ever thought you cared about me. You used me in this little game your father has going on. I thought you were different, I thought I saw something good in you, but Cole I was wrong and I regret each and every moment I spent with you. I regret giving myself to you in away only Christian should have had me. " Ana snapped at him with an anger she hadn't realized she had. Sure, she didn't like Cole, but she hadn't been angry until this moment. She had only been afraid.

"You made my life a living hell, you took the man I love away from me, you abused me, and I've had enough. You are like your father, but worse, we all know what to expect from him with him being a pimp and all. You're sick, and I hope you spend the rest of your life in this place, never able to enjoy the freedom you could have had if you'd only been the better man. "

"You think I had a choice, Ana? You've never met my father, you have no idea what the hell he is capable of. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but you belong with me, not him. I needed to make that clear to you."

"I wish that I would have never met you. You're a pig, just like your father, just like Jack, and I hope that you all get what is coming to you. You could live until you were 1,000 but you'll only ever be a worthless piece of scum. " Ana said, rising from her chair.

"I second that." Christian's voice vibrated through the room, and Ana immediately felt her body tense as his hand gripped her shoulder. She knew this would only end up turning into an argument. "What in God's name, are you doing here, Anastasia?"

"I needed to see him," She answered in hopes that he'd calm down before he got angry. She was wrong.

"I told you, specifically to stay away from here, Ana. Why do you always have to defy me? We're leaving. " Christian demanded. "If she ever comes here again, you are to deny her visits, if you don't so help me God, I will make sure your life in here is made a living hell. Worse than you can ever imagine, worse than what it is now. And let's face it, your life sucks."

"And you want to be with that? Someone who controls and possesses you?" Cole let out a ironic laugh. Ana had called him controlling and possessive once, yet here she was with a man with the exact same qualities.

"He's nothing like you are, Cole. He's got he'd never hurt me in all the ways you did. I love him, I never loved you." Ana said, sending Cole face into a frown. He had to admit. That hurt.

Walking to the SUV, Christian couldn't bear to say a word to Ana. He knew if he spoke a word, he'd freak on her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. She'd been through so much, this not what she needed. It wasn't so much that he was mad at her, Cole was dangerous, and she seemed to still be oblivious to that.

"I'm sorry." Ana whispered softly as Taylor got to driving down the road.

Christian said nothing at first. He only let out a big sigh, before grabbing her and pulling her into his arms, not caring that she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. "You've got to stop worrying me this way, Ana. I want to protect you and I just can't do that when you run off into the direction of danger. With everything going on, you should have talked to me about this first. I worry about you, and I absolutely hated the fact that I was trying to talk to Ross, finally getting her to open up after months about that crash, and I had to come rushing to you, Ana."

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to cause you any trouble, I needed closure, I wanted him to know that I wasn't afraid of him. "

"And you couldn't just write a letter, tell him on the phone?"

"No Christian I couldn't, and I honestly don't want to fight with you right now."

"I don't want to fight, I just want to understand I guess. How about we just go home and enjoy some time alone, let's not talk about Cole. That bastard is where he belongs."

"How did it go with Grace this morning?" Ana questioned, remembering that he'd gone over to visit her. She'd hoped so badly all day long that they were getting back on track. They needed each other and Ana couldn't take the silence between the two any longer. She just wanted to fix it.

"We're okay Ana, you can stop worrying about me, okay. I love you. Speaking of which, I've held off long enough," He told her taking her hand and lifting it to his mouth and kissing each knuckle softly. " I. Want. To. Marry. You. Don't make me wait any longer. Put me out of my misery and let's get married."

"Christian." Ana started

"Shhhh." He responded as he moved her hair to the other side of her shoulder as he began to kiss her neck.

"You know I can't focus when you do that." She whispered. She knew Christian was doing it on purpose, he wanted an answer out of her, and more than that, he wanted the answer he wanted.

"Christian, Taylor…. "She whispered, not wanting him to have to hear what they were doing.

"He works for me Ana, and we're not going any farther, we're just too people in love, making out in the backseat of a car, where's the harm in that? " Christian informed her between kisses. "I love you, and I want to marry you, please marry me."

"I've already agreed to marry you, remember?" Ana questioned him, holding up her left hand.

"I want a date. " he said.

"I don't know, Christian. Shouldn't we wait until after Kate has the baby?"

"We shouldn't have to put our happiness aside for them. If you don't want to marry anymore, Ana….. "

"I do Christian. I just, I'm scared. I don't want them to ruin our wedding. "

"They won't Ana, you have to believe in that, you have to believe in that otherwise they're going to stop you from living your life. We've had this talk so many times.

"I know, and I don't want to bringing it up I just want to marry you knowing that it'll will happen, not fearing that something will ruin it. "

"Just trust me okay, we'll figure this out together, nothing is going to come between you and I. I promise you that, okay?"

Sighing Ana knew he was right, and it was finally time to take Flynn's advice and only try to control the things you could change. There wasn't a point in trying to control you things you can't change.

"Okay, but can we just wait until tomorrow to talk about it, Christian, I just want to sleep, I'm tired." Ana said as she felt the car stop.

"Of course, but before we sleep, I want to show you just how much I love you, baby. " Christian smirked. And then led her to Escala.


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: Hey Guys! I'm so sorry that I've not been able to update. I've been busy working on my book that's about to be published in August. I have missed this story though. Have you? Now I have a proposition for any of you Beta's out there. While working on The Power of Love, I'm having a hard time finding a beta. I mean some people on my author page have offered but I'm really paranoid about who I trust. If you're interested, I'd love your help just shoot me a PM.

I hope that you all know how much I love and appreciate your support. I kind of feel like I've neglected fanfiction.

Now as I said I'm working on getting my book published, which means self-promotion, so I'd love if you could support me by liking my author page Author Ada Slowe and check out my book on goodreads. It sure would mean a lot. Again this chapter is unedited, and I'm sorry for that but if I spend time editing my chapters every day, honestly I wouldn't update because I get too frustrated and I'm exhausted at the moment.

Also thanks for your kind words about my gram. She's doing well

Sorry about the note, happy readings. Love you!

Sitting at the breakfast bar as she finished up her pancakes, Ana gazed down at her engagement ring. She reflected back over the past year, and how she'd never thought she'd make it here. How could she, she had thought the beautiful man that she loved was dead. Gone forever. She cringed at the thought. She remembered all the pain she'd endured, every tear she cried, and every day she wallowed. All moments she let herself hurt, all the moments she stayed in bed, not allowing herself to grieve, it all came back to her in a rush, consuming her with only one emotion. Anger. She hated what Cole had done to her. What Michael, Linc and Jack had caused. The time that she and Christian would never get back, all the moments they'd lost forever. Sure, they were back on track, working through everything so they could move forward, but there was one thing Ana couldn't let go. And that was her anger and hate for Cole.

"Ana?" Christian's voice surfaced through the room, distracting her thoughts. She hadn't realized he was there, or for how long even. As she turned to face him, she took note that he was wearing a grey suit and her favorite tie. God, did he look beautiful. It should be illegal for a man to look that good. He was smoldering.

"Hey there!" Ana responded, in a weak voice. She knew that her voice didn't come off as strong as she'd hoped and Christian would end up catching it.

"What's the matter?"

"It's nothing. I'll miss you when you're at work, handsome."

"Something is up, and I really want to know what it is." Christian told her, wrapping his arms around her waist, causing her to stand in front of him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He looked intensly into her beautiful, wide blue eyes to find the answers he was looking for, but all he saw was a mystery waiting to be solved.

"I love you, Christian Grey. " She avoided the question, placing a hand on his cheek, and smoothing it over the scruff that now sat on his face. She couldn't imagine a life without the man that stood before her. God did she love him. All the pain, heartache and darkness, didn't compare to the intensity between them. She'd live it all again, if it she had to just to be with him. He was her forever.

"I love you too, Anastasia. I love you so completely. You have my heart. " He started, placing her hand to his chest, as a way to make her feel comforted, so that she'd open up to what was bothering her. "This life, the money, the tabloids, none of it would matter if I didn't have you. You're the best miracle that ever fell into my office. And I know that I've put so much tragic in your life…. "

Covering his lips with a finger, Ana cut him off. She wouldn't let him continue to carry the blame of something that wasn't in his control. "I don't blame you, Christian. I love you, that's all matters, we're together and we'll always have each other to lean on, right? So stop trying to burden yourself with guilt that isn't yours to carry. "

"Tell me what's on your mind." Christian demanded, softly placing his forehead against hers, noses touching as he cupped a side of her face. His eyes were begging her to talk, she could see the worry in his eyes.

"I'm angry." She admitted. There honestly wasn't a point in keeping it from him, and if she had he'd just think of the worst possible thing he could think of and plant all the doubt and negatively in this mind. She couldn't let him do that. Not anymore. Even if it meant admitting to the feelings she hated herself for having, she'd open up and let him inside her head. Flynn told her in her last session that to stop hiding, let her feelings surface, especially with Christian, so she was going to take that advice.

"At me?" Christian questioned in confusion. They'd been getting along, they hadn't even fought, why in the world was she angry.

"No, I have no reason to be angry with you, I'm angry with _them. _Before you came out here, I was looking at the ring, and thinking back over all we've lost over the past year. Cole, Jack, Linc, and Michael, they've taken all of this from us, and I hate them. God, I hate them so much, I wish they were the ones who lost everything. I want them to suffer the way we did." Ana said, surprising Christian. He'd never seen this side of her before. Ana was sweet, innocent, kind, and truly amazing. She wasn't the type to say things of such hatred. And by the look in her eyes, Christian could tell she was serious. This last year had really taken such a toll on her. He hated it.

"Baby, I know this has all been so hard on you, and there aren't enough words to apologize for the harsh way I treated you when I came home. I was hurt, I was angry, I hated finding out about you and Cole and most of all I was destroyed. I've always had this idea in my head from the moment you fell into my office that wonderful day that you were mine, you are mine. I don't share, I told you that. And I guess on some level, even though you did nothing wrong, I convinced myself you cheated on me. I was hurt and angry, but Ana this isn't you. You don't say things like you want people to suffer. It doesn't matter who they are, don't stoop to their level. Baby, don't lose yourself because of what they did. You're strong and so much better than them. When you fight fire with fire, all you get is a bigger fire." Christian told her with a soft voice. Despite everything he, himself felt for the men that almost destroyed his life, he wouldn't allow Ana to become someone she wasn't. She wouldn't allow her to wish bad things on anyone no matter who they were. It wasn't her.

"But they almost destroyed us. I hate to say this but Fuck, thank God for Elena, if it hadn't been for her, I may have never seen you again. I would have gotten farther involved with Cole, I would have been living a lie. " Ana said, feeling the disgust rise inside of her. She was blind. Stupidly blind. She felt guilty, angry, and most of all idiotic for ever trust the man that had a hand in taking Christian away.

"I know that, you know that. They'll pay, but right now you need to let it go. I know that it's hard, but sweetheart, look at all the progress you've made, look at what we've accomplished. You and I, we're simple and strong, we can get through anything. Believe in that, trust me. I'll always protect you, Ana you're my entire world." Christian told her in a truth that he'd hope she'd listen. He needed her to be the Ana he'd always known, not the one that that let the bad guys bring her down.

"I'm sorry Christian, I just, I had a setback. I was staring at my engagement ring you bought for me, I was thinking about our future, or what could be our future but then the past was weighing on my mind, and I wondered what it would have been like had they never blown up Charlie Tango. I wondered where you and I would be. Would we be married? Would we be happy? I know it's stupid, but I can't rid my mind of the thoughts that surface."

"It's okay. I understand. Just don't let this get you down, we'll be alright. Just fight for it. Don't let him get you down. I have to get to get to work. I'm finally coming face to face with Ros today, she's been avoiding me since I've been home. Think it's time we had a chat." Christian said. She'd taken time off, she'd worked from home, and she'd done just about everything she could. Now it was time.

"Are you scared? Afraid? Like maybe she had something to do with it?" ana questioned him as he pulled her to the entrance of the room.

"No, I don't believe for one second that she had anything to do with it, I do believe they held something over her head though. I just need to figure it out. Now what are your plans for the day, love?"

"I have to work. I'm only working half a day because Kate needs me. She's wanting to go pick some stuff out for the baby." Ana told him with a smile. She was happy to be going baby shopping. To be becoming an Aunt. It gave her a bit of joy through all this bad tragedy that was approaching upon her life. She'd take that.

"I love you. " Christian reassured her, placing his lips to her forehead and giving her a gentle kiss. "I'll miss you while I'm at work. I'm leaving Taylor with you today, Sawyer had some personal matters he needed to attend to. I don't trust anyone with you besides Taylor and Sawyer. Don't argue with me."

"No. Take him. Please." Ana begged. Taylor was Christian's wing man, she couldn't bear if something happened to him because he was more worried about her safety.

"I'm going to be just fine, I have security, just not Taylor."

"Christian." She breathed, but he placed a finger on her lips to prevent her from speaking.

"Stop it. I'll be fine. I'm worried about you. Now just accept this, okay? Go to work, go shopping have a great day. I love you. I'll see you when I get home." Christian told her before kissing her.

"I love you too." Then he was gone.

God, did she love him. Always putting her first. She could live another lifetime and she'd never understand what he saw in her.


	47. Chapter 47

_A/N: Hey Guys! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. Working on my book and all. Revising and editing is a bit time consuming. Anyways thank you so much for your support. I apologize for the grammar mistakes you're bound to run into considering I didn't edit. _

_If you care to check it out, you can go like my Page Author Ada Slowe and Check out my book, The Power of love on goodreads. Also I'm sorry for the short chapters, everytime I think the excitements to come I feel like there is a scene missing lol. But enjoy._

_I think I might be completely and utterly disgusted by some of the guest reviewers though. I haven't updated so I haven't gotten any but I keep seeing people getting horrible ones. WHY? Why can't we all be nice?_

_Happy Readings. _

Walking into the door of her office, Ana couldn't stop smiling as a dozen roses sat on her desk. She smiled at the gesture that she assumed were from her boyfriend. She couldn't contain the grin on her face as she walked to her desk. The moment that she picked up the card though, every happy thought, the smile, every butterfly washed away as she read the words on the card.

_I've been missing you Ana. We'll be together soon._

_C._

Ana dropped the note as she fell to her seat. She knew exactly who that note was from, she just had no idea how he had the chance to send it. Christian was supposed to have eyes on Cole just in case, so didn't that mean he'd prevent Cole from ever sending her things to set her back? She felt the fear creep up on her as she sat wide eyed at her desk. Each time she thought she was healing, the mention of Cole and everything he put her through tortured her. Shouldn't she be over this by now?

Cole was locked away where he belonged, why couldn't she just feel safe? He had no power over her anymore. No way to hurt her any longer, so why was she right now staring into space like a crazy person?

"Ana?" Hannah called from the door. Ana hadn't even heard her come in, which made her realize even more why she needed to come out of this funk. She was at work and right now there was no time to sit here in fear of a man that could no longer hurt her.

"What is it, Hannah?"

"Well first of all, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." She told Ana with concern written all over her face. Hannah wasn't just her instant, she was one of her friends. They'd even been out together a few times.

"I'm fine, just not feeling so hot, it must have been something I ate." Ana lied to her assistant as she stuffed the not into the pocket of her jacket. The last thing she needed was to leave it left out just for Christian to find it when he came by for lunch and go mad.

"Well, there's a guy out here asking for you. He says you know him, and I wasn't sure if you wanted to see him or not." Hannah told her with a shy smile.

"You can send him in" Ana said. She had no idea who would be here to see her, but a part of her feared who it might be. She regretted the decision to tell Hannah to send him in as her assistant closed the door behind her. What if it was Michael, or even Jack? Surely they wouldn't make a scene in day at her office, would they?

As she began to pull out her phone to dial Sawyer a knock on her door surfaced through her office before the door opened. Relief surfaced through her body as she let out a breath at the man that stood a few feet from her. She couldn't believe who she was seeing. In the past year, she'd not heard a word from him.

Paul Clayton.

"Ana, it's so good to see you. " He spoke as he walked to the chair that sat in front of her desk.

"Yeah, it's great to see you too Paul. I'm just a little confused as to why you're here. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but it's been quite a while." Ana told him, not bothering to hide any of her confusion. It had been a long while since she last saw Paul. It seemed like a lifetime with all the tragic that seemed to be striking with her and Christian lately if she was being honest with herself.

"I know, I heard about what happened to Christian a year ago, and I'm sorry that I never came around. I didn't know what to say, let alone if you'd be up for seeing me given the feelings I once held for you. I'm so happy that he's okay though. I'm happy for you. I know that its unexpected, I just wanted to catch up, you know? We were good friends once." Paul told her with a smile as he sat back in the chair and crossed his left leg over the right.

"Yeah, it's been a rough year. Probably the roughest year of my life actually." Ana started as she let out an ironic laugh. " It's been a process, but having him back, it's wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him, I barely survived the first time."

"What do you mean?" Paul asked out of curiosity. He only had the versions of all the truth from what Michael had told him, and biological father or not, there was no way to trust his word on anything.

"I just didn't handle Christian being gone very well. I had a lot of pain, guilt, anger, and frustration, I reflected it on myself and it all spiraled. I don't really want to talk about it. How are you doing, where are you now?" Ana asked. The last she heard he'd been in New York. So what was he doing in Seattle?

"I was in New York for a while, but I've recently moved back. I'm helping my brother out in the store a little right now as I start my own job search." Paul said with a sadness to his voice as he looked at Ana with worry in his eyes.

"You okay?" Ana asked him as she noticed his reaction.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, I know that you're really busy and you probably want to spend every moment with Christian, but what do you say to dinner sometime? Nothing romantic, just two friends catching up." Paul offered. The truth was he wanted to be able to keep all eyes on Ana if Cole managed to get out, and the best way to do that was to build a close friendship.

"I'll have to check my schedule and get back to you, Paul. Christian and I have a lot going on right now, and without making him sound like a controlling bastard, I'm not sure he'd like the idea, he's really protective of me and there are people out there, who are kind of after him." Ana admitted and instantly regretting that she had.

"I totally understand, I don't want to push you on it and you want to go, cool, but if you can't that's totally fine." Paul told her in a sadness. The truth was despite everything he was doing to help his father, the last thing he wanted to do was let Ana get hurt. He wouldn't allow Cole to hurt her the way he'd hurt Melanie.

"Go where?" Christian's voice spoke from the door. As Ana looked up she could she him intensely staring at her with a little anger in his eyes. He was jealous. That was something Ana would never understand despite everything, she loved him. Only him. She'd only ever loved him, why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't he just get passed this jealousy he carried with him? It would make everyone's life a hell of a lot easier.

"I asked Ana if she'd like to attend to dinner with me sometime this week, " Paul answered, not allowing Ana to get In a single word.

"That's not a good idea." Christian snapped, walking towards the desk.

"I told him that, Christian, don't get upset." Ana warned him as she saw the fury in his face.

"I'm going to go, I'll talk to you later Ana." Paul said then he was gone.

"What is your problem, Christian? " Ana asked him as she crossed her arms over her chest and stood to face him. She wouldn't allowed him to do this after all the progress they made to get their relationship back on track. She understood that this was Christian Grey, but he needed to learn that he was the only man for her.

"Ana, you know that it's not safe right now, you can't just let old flames come back into your life that easily, you never know what could happen." Christian commented as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Christian, I love you, but you have nothing to worry about with him. He just showed up, I doubt I'll ever see him again. You don't have to worry about me. "

"I'll always worry about you. You're my everything." Christian informed her as his eyes darted to the flowers. "Did he bring those?"

"Uh, no, not him." Ana said nervously, as she turned away from him. The last thing she wanted to do was tell him the truth, but she also knew Christian was an expert at getting the truth out of her.

"Who are they from? " Christian questioned as he moved to the flowers and touched the top of one.

Turning around, Ana felt her nerves begin to set in. This wasn't something she even wanted to talk about.

"No one important."

"I want to know, Anastasia, tell me." Christian demanded, his eyes full of seriousness as he stared at the woman he loved. Something about her reaction told him that whoever they were from, wasn't someone she'd like to receive flowers from.

"It's not important."

"Stop it and just tell me or so help me God, I will go through every security footage in this building until I find the delivery guy who brought them then go to their company and find out the person who sent them. Just tell me the fucking name of the person who sent the flowers."

Sighing, Ana reached in her pocket and pulled out the note, then handed it to Christian.

"And you weren't going to tell me? " Christian asked her with anger.

"No." She admitted. There was no point in trying to lie.

"Why do you do this? Why do you continue to keep things from me?"

"I don't know, I just didn't want you to be upset."

"You know I need to know these things. He could hurt you, or his father could." Christian warned her as he framed her face between her face. "I just want to protect you."

"I'm sorry." Ana told him before he gently kissed her lips.

"Stay here, baby, I'll be back for lunch."

"Where are you going?"

"To protect you. I'm going to make sure that Fucktard never sends you a single thing again. " Christian told her and before she could say another word, he vanished.


	48. Chapter 48

_A/N: I know it's been a while And I'm really sorry about that, but I've been so focused on my book that its become a priority. I hope you enjoy this update :D _

"Well if it isn't Mr. Grey." Cole smirked at Christian with amusement in his eyes. He sat at a table in a private room that Christian had requested. It took a lot of convincing and quite a bit of money as a bribe, but he managed to get one of the employees at the mental hospital to give in.

"Shut up." Christian spat at him, slamming the chair opposite to Cole out and sitting down. He fixated a grey eyed glare on Cole as he remembered all the pain he'd put Ana through. Surely, Ana had been naive, she let the man scare her, when all she had to do was call Taylor and the probably could have been fixed, but even with all that being said, Cole had to have known the heart of gold that Ana keeps deep inside her and Cole used that to his advantage, he played with the grief that Ana held within her, he used it and built her grief into fear, and no matter how hard he tried to let it go, Christian felt the anger just intensify, and the fact that Cole was still trying to torment her, just flared a whole new anger inside of Christian, one that he wouldn't let go.

"Well what brings you here?" Cole asked with a smile that only made Christian want to wrap his hands around his throat and suck out every last breath.

"I think I've warned you about this one million times, you just don't seem to get the hint." Christian stared, his voice becoming colder with each word he spoke. He couldn't hold in the anger he felt, the hurt he held for Ana. He was going to put an end to all of this, he didn't care what he had to do. "I am getting so sick and tired of you tormenting my fiancé, Ana and I are together, and we'll always be together, and so you keep sending your notes, your flowers, but they are only going to end up in the trash. You're only making a fool of yourself."

"Hmm. " Cole breathed, massaging his forehead with his hand." That's interesting. Let's make one thing clear, Mr. Grey, I'm going to have her again, she's going to be mine. And there's not anything you can really do about it. Danger awaits when you least expect it."

"Danger eh? From in here? In a mental hospital?"

Cole said nothing, he only smirked.

"Leave Ana alone, you've put her through enough, and the only reason I haven't made you regret it, the only reason I haven't come after you is because of her. She's cares about everything, she's an angel, and me going after you would only cause her pain, but mark my words when I say that if this doesn't stop, you'll be done."

"God, you're pathetic. Do you think for one second that you're going to be free and happy? My father isn't going to stop until he brings you down. You're worthless. You don't deserve Ana. She will be mine again. "

"Fuck out of here. Lets be realistic here, you're in here, in a nut house. I'm a free man, a business man, a very wealthy man, and by some miracle she loves me, she never stopped and if you think for one second I'm ever going to let her out of my sight, you would be wrong. As for your piece of shit of a father, let him pull something, let him. I'm going to be there when he screws up, and he will screw up. They always do."

"He's smarter than you, he'll find a way."

Christian laughed at the irony of the situation. Cole making threats, while he was stuck in a mental prison.

"At the end of the day, you're in here, and I have my life, and the woman I love."

With those final words Christian left to attend the real matter to why he'd come here. Finding a nurse at the desk, Christian cleared his throat to get her attention.

"May I help you?" The brunette asked sweetly.

"Yes. You can tell me why that patient over there" Christian pointed to Cole "Is sending things to my fiancé."

"Sir. I'm not…"

Christian cut her off, not even caring if she wasn't even the one responsible for delivery's from patients.

"When Cole first got admitted here, I made it very clear that he was not in any way to have contact with her. I am a very wealthy man,, and if you guys do not put a stop to it, I will bring this place down."

"I'm sorry.."

"I don't need your apologies, I need it to stop." Christian snapped, then walked away.

He just needed to get back to Ana.

Ana felt the worry rise in her as she sat at her desk at work. Since Christian leaving, she hadn't succeeded at getting a single piece of work finished. She couldn't help but to think what he was doing. She knew that him knowing about the flowers would set him off, as much as he tried, Ana knew that deep down he was having trouble letting it all go.

Taking out her phone, Ana type a text to him, making sure he was okay.

**Where r u? Please come back.**

She got nothing. She wondered if this silence was good or bad thing, and to be honest her favors we in the bad. She felt sick as she went over the past year, all the things that could be going wrong at this very moment.

"Don't think too hard." Christian smirked at her in the doorway.

She didn't think twice as she abandoned her chair and ran to him. Squeezing him tightly and holding on for dear life.

"I was worried." She whispered softly into his chest. She knew that I might have been stupid, but thinking for a year that person you loved more than anything was dead, and then having him back, of course she'd be worried when he went to face Cole, Michael or Jack, of course she'd be worried.

"I know, I'm sorry baby. I just needed to find out why he was able to send you flowers. I love you so much."

"I love you too. Christian those flowers don't matter, neither does him, please can we let all this go. I know that the worst isn't over. Okay? I know that Jack and Michael are still out there, but honestly I don't want to worry about you each time you leave. It's why I didn't tell you about them at first, I didn't want you to go running to solve the problem, whether you have Taylor or not, Christian _You_ were the one that was held captive all this time. Please don't put yourself in harm's way again. I need you."

"I'm sorry, Ana. I didn't realize, I didn't think. I just get so frustrated thinking that he's still out there trying to torment you."

"I know, but I'm okay. You know why? Because I have you Christian, and you're the love of my life, and I can't wait to marry you."

"Do you mean that?" Christian questioned her with hopefully eyes, pulling far enough away from her so he could look her in the eyes.

"More than anything." Ana nodded

"Then pick a date. Please. I don't want to wait any longer. I want you in every way to be mine."

"Christian, please don't do this. Let's just wait until Kate and Elliot have the baby."

"Do you not want to marry me?"

"It's not that and you know it. How could you even ask me something like that?" Ana questioned him in disbelief, taking her hand from his and moving back to her desk. She felt a sting of pain rise through her heart with the thought that Christian assumed she didn't want to marry him. It's all she thought about for the past year and a half.

"Talk to me then. Tell me why you won't set a date, and don't bring Kate and Elliott up because you and I both know that if Kate knew you were putting your happiness off for her, she'd kill you. "

"I'm afraid okay?" Ana raised her voice, turning around to face Christian. "You don't get it do you? I spent almost two years thinking that you were dead, I slept with a man I thought loved me, and it turned out he was a part of the reason you were forced away from me. They always seem to be one step ahead of us, Christian, they seem to hurt us in the times when we let our guard down, you want me to choose a date, and I'd love nothing more than to do so, I just can't. I can't marry you until this is over."

"Ana, if we wait for perfect circumstances, we'll never get there." Christian explained, taking her hand and pulling her into his lap as he sat in a chair. "I love you so much and I understand your fear. Even though I knew you were alive, the past year without you, sweetheart it pained me every single day knowing that I couldn't hold you, wondering if you'd moved on, forgotten about me, if you were safe, I worried every day. The day I came back, I promised to myself that if you still loved me, I'd do everything in my power to give you the happily ever after you deserved, to make you happy and that's what I want. Ana, don't put our future off because you're scared to be happy."

Tears threatened in her eyes, but Ana forced herself not to cry. More than anything, she wanted to marry him, more than anything she wanted to become his wife, but could they really risk that knowing that dangers still lurked out there in the real world? Who's to say Jack or Michael wouldn't pull something?

"Ana do you love me?"

Ana nodded, placing a hand on his cheek. "More than anything."

"Then can you love me enough to trust that I'm not going to let anything happen to you, or anyone else we love?"

"Christian, it's not about…"

"Trust me."

Sighing, Ana nodded. Despite everything, Christian wouldn't ever let any danger come to anyone he loved, he'd hire an whole new security team on top of the one they'd already had just to assure Ana they were safe. "I trust you."

"Good. Now lets talk dates." Christian smirked.

He didn't really care what he had to do, he wanted Ana to become his wife as soon as possible. He'd take care of Jack and Michael, there was no way he was going to let them ruin another moment of Ana's happiness.


	49. Chapter 49

_A/N: I know its been a while and I'm so sorry __ Still working on my book and its very time consuming. But hey right now it's my top priority. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter but its unedited so sorry. Have a great night. _

"Hey sweetheart." Christian greeting Ana, walking into their bathroom, still dressed in suit. He must have just gotten home. She had decided to calm her fears of the day by talking a bubble bath as she waited for him to arrive. She had just gotten out and was now wrapped in a towel.

"Hey."

"I love you." Christian declared. He knew Ana was still suffering, she feared for him, she was fearing for everyone she cared about, and he wanted nothing more than to take her mind off it.

"I love you too."

"Can you do something for me?" Christian questioned her, as she walked back into their bedroom and started to dress in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

"What is it?"

"Can you pack some clothes? For a couple nights?"

Ana turned to look at Christian suspiciously. Was he serious? How could he think there was any possible way that the two of them could go anywhere with the reality of Jack and Michael still out there somewhere?

"Why?"

"We're going away for a few days." Christian stated vaguely, not giving her any indication of where they might be going, if it was a business trip or a mini vacation. Either way though, going away wasn't a good idea at this time in their lives.

"It's a surprise."

"Then no."

"Ana…"

Putting her hand up to get him to stop talking, Ana let out a long sigh. "Christian, I love you, and I'd love nothing more than to go somewhere, just you and me, but you know we can't do that."

"And why can't we Anastasia? Because of Jack? Because of Michael? Fuck. I don't give a damn about them right now. I have security for our families. I am doing everything I can to keep everyone safe so why can't you just lighten up and stop let them controlling our lives?"

"It's not that simple!"

"Yes it is. Ana, I understand you're worried, hell I am too, the difference is I won't let them keep me from my happiness with the person I love most in this world. That year was fucking hell for me being held captive by them. I know that it was hard for you, I know that you completely broke down, but Ana you're the reason I'm standing here. I fought to come back for _you._ Don't let them destroy it now, I love you." He told her, placing a soft kiss on her lips. He wouldn't let her do this to herself. He wouldn't let them win.

"Christian…"

"No. I'm going to talk to Taylor, and to make sure the plane is ready. If you're not packed and ready to go when I come back, then I'll pack for you and carry you over my shoulder if I have to. You're going if I have to force you."

"You can't force me to do anything I don't want to. I'm an adult."

"Yeah, well I'm not going to let you stop living because of fear. Get packed." Christian told her then he was gone.

Sighing, Ana pulled out her phone, needed to talk to someone.

"Hello?" Her mother's voice came across the phone

"Hi mom."

"Hey sweetheart. How are you doing?"

"Um, that's why I'm calling. I just needed someone to talk to. I know I wasn't always the daughter you deserved when Christian was gone, and for that I'm sorry. Mom he's going crazy."

Carla let out a laugh. "You were grieving Ana, we're past that. Now tell me, what did Christian do?"

"He wants to take a couple days of vacation. Though, he won't even tell me where we're going." Ana said

"Honey, that's not being crazy."

"Yeah, but how are we supposed to leave our family here mom? Knowing what's out there. How could he be so reckless?"

"Ana, that man loves you. He loves you so much and don't you think that if you were in his place you'd do the same thing? He may not have saw you when he was gone, but we all did, and you were a mess, and now, you're stressing yourself over what could happen rather than appreciating your happiness and all you've been given back. He only wants to make you happy, and if that means taking you away for a couple days so be it."

"Yeah, I guess, but what if something happens to someone while we're gone? I'd feel responsible for that?"

"Why? Ana, you did nothing to make Jack or Michael come after the two of you. Jack is a hateful man and from what I hear about this Michael, he's a prick who held a vendetta against a child."

Sighing Ana knew her mother was right, the truth was all Ana ever did was apply for a job. Not once did she ever lead Jack and, he had been the one who tried to rape her, and Christian only did what he had to do to protect her. They didn't commit a crime, nor did they deserve the tragic cards that were dealt to them in last year. Christian was right, she just couldn't let them do this to them any longer. It terrified the hell out her, but she knew she had to keep going.

"Yeah, a few days. We'll be back around Tuesday. .." Ana heard Christian say as she entered the dining area where Christian sat at the breakfast bar speaking on his blackberry. He slowly turned around as he told the person on the other line that he'd call them once he landed then hung up.

"Who was that?"

"It was mom. Are you ready?" Christian eyed her duffle bag in her hand

Ana nodded.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I was harsh. I know that you're having a hard time with this, and I don't want to make you feel smothered by me. I just can't, I can't let you let them control your life."

"I know. I'm sorry. I thought I lost you once, and as hard as I try, it still affects me, especially with them still being out there somewhere, the last thing that I want to do is keep you from being happy, so if you want to go for a few days, I'll go."

"I want you to be happy too. Are you?"

"Yes. I'm happy. With you anyway, I hate that everything keeps coming down on us, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything, and I want to spend forever with you. You make me happy."

"I'm glad you said that." Christian gave her a smirk.

"Where are we going?"

"Vegas."

Ana looked at him with a concerned look as his smirk grew bigger. Oh no!

"Christian?"

"You're worried they'll mess up our wedding, fine. But I don't intend on waiting another second. You'll be my wife this time tomorrow. Enjoy your last few moments of being single, and don't fight this on me Ana, you know you want to marry me just as much as I do you."

"Yeah, but what about our family?"

"We'll have another wedding, a big one once all this is over okay?"

Still standing in shock, Ana couldn't find her words so she gave him a small nod. What could she say? Christian had his mind made up. They were getting married. No if and or butts. Apart of her was naming all the reasons why this was a bad idea, but the bigger part of her couldn't hide her excitement.

She was finally going to be Mrs. Christian Grey.


	50. Chapter 50

I don't mean to get your hopes up with this note. I just want to say that I truly am sorry I haven't updated. Honestly, I have a book that's about to be published in November and its been taking up all my free time. And on top of that my grams just had surgery. With that being said though, if you hate the fact that I haven't update there are nicer ways to tell me than to yell at me in a message. I'm really just at the point where I am considering taking this account down and finishing my stories just for me. I don't appreciate being bullied into writing something that's not my main focus right now. My dream has been to publish a book since I was ten years old and I'm sorry but that's going to be my main priority with writing until I'm finished. I do love you guys but I don't enjoy nasty messages.


	51. Chapter 51

_A/N: First off I would like to apologize for my lack of writing. I am just crazy busy with my book like I've said. Second, I'd like to thank all of you for being so patient with me. And supporting me on my journey to my dream. And lastly, to the guest reviewer who asked about my book, I can't message you so I'll answer your question here it's called The Power of Love and you can find it on Goodreads but the actual book itself won't be released until November 22. I feel this chapter is a bit lame,….. Buut _

_Enjoy your chapter _

"Stop switching your leg, Ana." Christian chided at her, while the pair sat outside of the wedding chapel. Christian had wasted no time in coming to Vegas. The moment he booked the honeymoon suite for them, he was on his phone making phone calls. And though almost every chapel was booked, Christian being the rich controlling man that he was, got them to rearrange their schedules to fit him and Ana in.

She couldn't deny how nervous she was, she was only minutes from marrying the man of her dreams. For so long in the past tragic year, she'd thought she'd never get this moment again. For so long she'd lived with the pain that Christian was dead, and never coming back. She could still feel the pain that jabbed inside of her heart while she thought back to those horrible moments in time. Before Christian, there had never been a man who ever interested her, yet meeting him changed her entire life and from the moment she heard the words he was dead, she knew that she'd never be able to survive without him. Throughout the months without him, she was breathing, but in all honestly, she wasn't really living. It's the reason it was so easy for Cole to take advantage of her.

Yet here she was all this time later, and even though the threat of Jack and Michael was still there, Ana couldn't be more happier than this moment here as she sat wearing a simple white dress with the man she loved only moments before they were able to spend the rest of their lives together.

"Sorry." Ana responded, looking over to find Christian watching her with a cautious look. His grey eyes pierced into her as if he could tell what she was thinking. She still couldn't believe that the man that sat before her was hers. She was the luckiest girl in the world. "I love you."

"I love you too, so much. Ana, I know things haven't been the way we'd hoped, but I can't tell you how beyond happy I am. You've brought me light I never thought I'd have and you've taught me how to accept love and return it without any expectations. I'm a better man because of you. I never believed I had a heart until I found you."

Tears formed in her eyes with the declaration. As she slowly brought her lips to his, Ana knew that as long as she had Christian by her side, nothing else would matter. He was it for her.

"I don't know what to say to that, Christian."

"You don't have to say anything but I do." He smirked at her, just as the doors opened and a man dressed as Elvis appeared.

This was it. They were finally getting married.

"I solemnly vow that I will safeguard and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you. I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, regardless of where life takes us. I will protect you, trust you, and respect you. I will share your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need. I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side. All that is mine is now yours. I give you my hand, my heard and my love from this moment on for as long as we both shall live." Christian spoke after the Elvis impersonator gave him the go to recite his vows. It taken him quite a while to come up with what he wanted to say to Ana, and though he'd been working on it for weeks as he planned this getaway, he couldn't think of a better way to declare his love to her. She was it for him, he loved her wholeheartedly and there wouldn't ever be another woman for her. Through everything, Ana had always been his rock and she always would be. She's the reason he's able to love with such a passion.

Ana stood silently for several moments absorbing in each word that Christian spoke. It was hard to believe that the moment they'd met, Christian had wanted her for nothing more than a sub, now here they were crazy in love, a passion that burned for each other and about to be husband and wife.

"I give you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joy as well as your sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you and, bring you solace in times of need. And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

As the Elvis impersonator then read off traditional vows, Christian and Ana kept their intense gazes on each other. Everything that had happened in the past year, it no longer matter in this moment, everything with Cole, all the times Ana felt she'd lost everything, every moment of weakness, it all happened for a reason and that reason was standing in front of her. She was now Mrs. Christian Grey, and she couldn't be more happier.

"I can't believe we just did that." Ana squealed when Christian carried her inside their oversized honeymoon suite. He wasted no time in getting a marriage certificate, and making her his wife. It wasn't the perfect wedding, and he vowed that once they arrived back home, and everything with Jack and Michael became nothing but a memory that he'd give her the wedding of her dreams, but for now, they had something simple and just for them.

"Well we did. How do you feel, _Mrs. Grey_?" Christian smirked at her, setting her on the bed, which was contained with red rose petals spread everywhere. Everything was perfect, and for once the dangers of Jack and Michael, and all the trouble she and Christian had faced in the past year were not the first thing on her mind. Tonight she was happy.

"Mrs. Grey. Wow."

"I love you, Ana. So much, and after all that we've been through, I'm really glad to be able to call you my wife."

"I love you too." She responded, tears threatening to flow down her cheeks. It was all wonderful, but she couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotions as she reflected back on all the pain she'd endured in the past year. It was worth it, though to now be married to the only man she ever loved.

"Hey, you look like you're about to cry." Christian whispered softly, cupping her face with his hands. He only ever wanted her to smile, her happiness meant everything in his eyes.

"I'm just so happy, that's all. I know that we said we wouldn't speak of it, but after everything that's happened I just felt like it wasn't possible for us to have our happily ever after. After everything with Cole, and Jack, and then Michael, I've just wonder if it was possible for the two of us to live in peace, together. Happy."

"Baby, I love you more than anything. And now you're my wife. I plan to give you everything your heart desires and though I can't make Jack and Michael disappear, I'm going to do everything that I can to keep you safe. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure they never come between us again. I think I speak for both of us when I say that it's impossible for one to live without the other. We're going to have a long, happy life together. I'm going to spoil the hell out of you, take you to all the places you've always wanted to go, right after we have a big ceremony with our friends and family. And maybe someday we can bring in some kids to the mix. Jack and Michael with soon become nothing more than a horrible memory, and I promise that I won't ever let anymore bad stuff happen. We've been through too much, we deserve this. Okay?"

"I know. I just want to appreciate this time that we have before we have to go back to reality."

"So let's do that. Lets forget everything but the two of us." He demanded, pushing her onto the bed. All he wanted was her happiness and he'd do anything to keep that smile on her face. Even if it mean hurting himself in the process.


	52. Chapter 52

_A/N: Thank you guys for your support. How about two updates in a row? Eh? Thank you guys for all your reviews and support I can't thank you enough._

_This is unedited, I've been editing all day for my book so I got lazy I'm sorry. _

"Where are we on the plan?" Jack questioned Michael, sitting at the table as they enjoyed brunch. They'd put a stop to everything Christian and Ana the moment that Taylor started getting closer to finding where they are. As much as they bother wanted revenge, as much as they both wanted both Christian to suffer, they both knew that it had to be done the right way, which meant laying low until it through Taylor off his game.

"Now that the security guy has lost us, we're back our game. My son is going to get close with Ana, he's going to gain her trust, he's going to build up a friendship, and eventually he's going to get her to trust her."

"And then?" Jack asked with curiosity. There wasn't anyone who wanted to destroy Christian for costing him everything the way he did. Even Ana too, considering none of this would have happened if it hadn't been for her.

"Be patient Jack. You'll know everything in all good time."

"How are we supposed to be a team if you're not going to tell me what's going on, I mean you wouldn't have even found Christian had it not been for me. Or his little whore."

Glaring at him, Michael pounded his fist down at the table. He was getting more and more irritated with Jack with each passing second and it made him wonder why he was even keeping him around. With just one movement, Jack could be gone and he could just go about this on his own, without having to worry about someone pestering him every waking moment. Though, the plan he had set in motion just wouldn't work if he were to end Jack. Sadly that was something he just needed to face. As much as he disliked Jack, he just had to keep going.

"I've told you over and over, that I will tell you everything on a need to know basis. It will all work out if you just trust in the plan. I've got this under control."

"You have what under control?" He challenged with a glare.

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about what?" Paul's voice came through the room. He stood at the doorway as he watched the man that was supposed to be his father talked about hurting the girl he once had a thing for.

He wouldn't lie, he wanted to help his father more than anything. From the moment he found out he was adopted, he'd searched for his birth parents on a daily basis, a part of him had always felt out of place with the Claytons, but even so could he be involved with such a plan that it involved getting Ana back for Cole?

Ana once meant something to him, and though they hadn't spoken in years, in a way she still did. Sure he no longer wanted anything romantic from her, but she was a graceful person, who always put others above herself, no matter what. How was he supposed to help his father and brother destroy that? It wasn't right.

"Nothing important. What are you doing here? I thought you had to work today."

"I do, but I came to talk to you. Preferable alone." Paul responded harshly, glancing to Jack who was in a pissy mood.

"I'll go, but this conversation isn't over."

"Whatever you say Jacky boy." Michael gave him a cocky wink before he was leaving the room

"What is it?" Michael questioned, getting to the point

"I can't do this if you're going to hurt Ana. I don't know if I can sit back and watch you take her through hell after what she's already been through because of you."

"We've been through this, the only thing that we want with Ana is her away from that prick. She'll have a much better life with Cole than she ever would with Christian anyway."

"The problem is, _father _that you seem to forget that no matter how many ways you twist this, Cole is unstable. His obsession with Ana has gotten out of hand. You also fail to remember that Ana was my friend once, long before she knew Cole existed, in that being said I won't let anything happen to her despite the fact that you're my father."

"Listen, I know you're concerned, and I understand. I once had an Ana in my life. I promise that I won't even touch her. I just want that boyfriend of hers. That's all."

Sighing, He gave a nod. He wasn't sure if he could trust his father or not, but as long as he gave his word on Ana being safe, he'd go along with it. The minute something tragic happened, or he found out he was lying, the deal was off.

"What do you mean you're married?" Grace chided at both Ana and Christian as they sat in the living area of Escala. After the wedding, they'd spent a week away, and the two couldn't have been happier if they'd tried. Ana even had a glow to her, and seeing her smile, just brightened Christian's entire day.

"Exactly what I've just said." Christian started with a genuine smile, glancing over at Ana who looked nervous. "Ana is my wife, and I'm her husband. I know what you're thinking, but I want you to know firsthand that we didn't do this to hurt any of you. Everything with Jack and Michael, all Ana and I have gone through this past year, we didn't want to wait. I knew she was too afraid to do a big wedding right now, and I don't blame her for that, but I couldn't wait one more second of her not being my wife. If this last year has taught me anything, it's that you have to grab on to what you love before it's gone. Don't be mad."

Sighing, Grace stared at her son with soft eyes. It hurt that she couldn't be at her son's wedding, she wasn't going to deny that, but the love that Christian and Ana had, it was rare. More than that though, for so long Grace had believed that Christian wouldn't never find someone, the moment he met Ana though, his entire world had been shaken, and from the moment she met her, Grace knew there wouldn't ever be anyone else for Christian. Ana was his heart. And she couldn't think of a more wonderful person that she was happy to call her daughter in law.

"I'm not mad. A little bit hurt that I didn't see my son get married, but I'm not mad. I love you Christian, and the two of you deserve more happiness than you've been given lately. I can't say that I'm not disappointed that I couldn't be there, but I can't find it in my heart to be anything but happy for you." She responded, then turned to face Ana "For the both of you."

"Thank you mom. Ana and I have discussed it, and we do want a wedding with all of our family and friends, however right now we just wanted to be married on paper, the way we were in our hearts."

"I understand. I hope you'll come to dinner tomorrow night, so we can celebrate this happy occasion. We've not had one in such a while."

Looking at Ana, Christian gave her the look that told her it was up to her. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she was married to Christian, but the truth was she couldn't have chosen a better family to marry into.

"We'd love to come." Ana told her with happiness.

"Good. I'll be expecting you at fiveish. Now I've got to get going, but I'm glad you've made it back in one piece, more than that though I'm beyond happy that the two of you have found some happiness between all of the odds that has been stacked against you. Welcome to our family, Ana."

"Thank you Grace."

"I'll walk you out." Christian responded and in the next moments Ana was left alone in the room.

Staring around the master bedroom while sitting on the bed, Ana couldn't help but to let a smile appear on her face. This was her home. Christian was her home. And for once, she believed that everything would be okay.


End file.
